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I am a successful 39 year old professional male, considered good looking by many with an average build. I am very outspoken at work and manage about 70 people, very good at my job, presentations, etc. The problem is I have no friends. Since high school I come home every day and it is as though I live a second life. I just can't seem to make a friend. High school was over 20 years. I'm very lonely. Every time I meet someone and become friends, I eventually break off ties with the person for so many different reasons - I guess I just become so judgemental of the person that I don't want to be around them any longer. I spend vacations and holiday's all alone. I work a lot to keep busy. At work I am looked to by many for advice, knowledge, and influence due to my position and people I know. I have many acquaintances at work but no close friends. Those close acquaintances are in locations outside of my local town that I live in so that makes it impossible to become any closer with them. To have someone to go to dinner with, movies, trips - I just want a friend and seriously since high school I have never had a person I can call a friend. Many have tried but it has been my fault for not nourishing the friendship. I used to be extremely shy and socially introverted. Now, in personal situations I guess I'm just quiet generally. At work I'm a different person and outspoken. What is wrong with me? I just want a friend. Can someone please help me.
I think you're afraid of rejection, so you reject first so as not to be the one who gets hurt. And by "not finding" friends, you also avoid the possibility of being rejected.
At work you are the big cheese, the one in charge, the one in control. Outside of work, you are just like everyone else--not in charge and not in control. You can't balance the two lives you are leading.
You didn't say where you live. Are there any volunteer opportunities around there?--nursing home, hospital, prison, cat shelter, senior center, horse rescue farm, Y, public library, vet clinic, non-profit group. Is there a Toastmaster's Club in the area? Are there high schools and colleges that would love to have you as a paid or free tutor?
Wondergirl - i guess I can relate some to your thoughts that I am fearing rejection or being hurt. My late teen years my relationship with my parents took a complete spin and left me feeling alone and deserted. Still bothers me today.
I am a successful 39 year old professional male, considered good looking by many with an average build. I am very outspoken at work and manage about 70 people, very good at my job, presentations, etc. The problem is I have no friends. Since high school I come home every day and it is as though I live a second life. I just can't seem to make a friend. High school was over 20 years. I'm very lonely. Every time I meet someone and become friends, I eventually break off ties with the person for so many different reasons - I guess I just become so judgemental of the person that I don't want to be around them any longer. I spend vacations and holiday's all alone. I work a lot to keep busy. At work I am looked to by many for advice, knowledge, and influence due to my position and people I know. I have many acquaintances at work but no close friends. Those close acquaintances are in locations outside of my local town that I live in so that makes it impossible to become any closer with them. To have someone to go to dinner with, movies, trips - I just want a friend and seriously since high school I have never had a person I can call a friend. Many have tried but it has been my fault for not nourishing the friendship. I used to be extremely shy and socially introverted. Now, in personal situations I guess I'm just quiet generally. At work I'm a different person and outspoken. What is wrong with me? I just want a friend. Can someone please help me.
i think that sometimes ending a friendship is the right decision depending on the reasons. and making friends takes time . i used to think that talking to people and getting along well made us friends , now i know it takes time. i had an aqaintance from work that i knew for years , just emailed hello time to time and now i can say we are friends. we dont hang out every day , we just go have lunch time to time or call each other if something is really going on . just say hi and bye to people . be friendly but dont try to make friends to quickly . friendships will grow and become solid over time . it will happen . as for judging people , i do that too time to time , i have to stop myself . i think it is from being screwed over by people before so it is a lack of trust. now itf people have little quirks i just look over it because none of us are perfect and that is what makes people interesting . the differences we have.
just know what you absolutely want to stay away from such as drugs or what nots that you dont agree with . avoid them and just be nice to everyone else. everyone wants friends . so people will want to know you as much as you want to know them. it just takes time . you dont have to exchange numbers right away or even go out together right away , but just have conversation time to time. and it will grow.
we are all lonely time to time. just think positive and you will be alright .
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