Friends let me down

Jayjay027 · #1 Sep 21, 2009, 02:57 PM

I have been best friends with the same girl for 11 years. We're both 23.
Over the years she has been both the greatest and worst friend I could possibly imagine. When we were 16, she told my boyfriend that I wasnt girlfriend material and convinced him to break up with me, then she dated him.
A few years later she started dating a horrible guy, and stood holding his hand while he started a huge row with me and called me everything. Then she didnt speak to me for months because he told her not to.
I forgave her all of those things, but I think I've come to the end of my tether.
My grandfather passed away after a long, difficult struggle with his health. She didnt come anywhere near me when he died, she didnt send a sympathy card or anything. 2 days after I told her about it, she sent a txt sayin she was sorry to hear it. It was such a difficult time for me, and she never came near me.
A few weeks later, I got engaged, and asked her to be my bridesmaid. That was in June, and I've seen her once since, the day after I got engaged. And the only reason we met up was because I told her I had some important news and needed to see her.

Last week I told her that she hasnt been a very good friend to me, and that she wasnt there for me when I needed her, and she has time for everyone else but me. And it started a huge row. Now we're not on speaking terms at all. And a mutual friend of ours as totally taken her side and keeps telling me Im wrong for doing what I did.

I didnt know how else to deal with it, I think I had to tell her how I felt. And now I dont know what to do about the whole situation.
Any suggestions?

Cat1864 · Sep 21, 2009, 03:23 PM

From what you have written, she hasn't been your friend for a long time.

I would bet the other friend sticking up for her is one that she has been there for.

It sounds like time to accept that you have different lives and though she may still a friend she isn't a best or close friend.

Look at who you share things with now. You may find that you have a newer best friend and just didn't notice the change because of holding on to the past relationship.

Jordana27 · Nov 3, 2009, 06:36 PM

I had a friend just like her. I had to finaly cut ties with her. It was hard we were like sisters, but it was the right thing to do. Your friend is abuseing you verbal and emotionaly. You need to cut ties. I know its hard but its the best thing you can do for your self. I was friends with mine for 19 years Iam 27 and she is 26. So pretty much our whole lives we had been friends. If she is actting like this and has been for a major part of the friendship you got to cut the ties. Good luck.

Jayjay027 · Nov 4, 2009, 11:42 AM

Thanks for the advice.
I told her how I feel and told her I want nothing more to do with her.
So now Im concentrating on the people who show they care about me.

Was difficult, but I needed to do it for me.

Cat1864 · Nov 4, 2009, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jayjay027

Thanks for the advice.
I told her how I feel and told her I want nothing more to do with her.
So now Im concentrating on the people who show they care about me.

Was difficult, but I needed to do it for me.

I am glad that you are learning to be a stronger person and building stronger friendships with people who do care about you.

s_cianci · Nov 4, 2009, 04:07 PM

My suggestion to you is to find a new best friend.

dontknownuthin · Nov 7, 2009, 11:26 AM

I think she used to be a friend but it's been a long time - the fact you are moving on and were honest with her speaks well of you. To continue to manage it properly though, let it go - don't discuss her with other people other than to say, "I wish her well but our friendship ran it's course". It will show a lot of class to show restraint and not speak ill of her even though she's not treated you very well in the past.

Jayjay027 · Nov 7, 2009, 11:36 AM

Yea thanks.
I havent said anything bad about her at all, people still ask me about her but I really dont have anything bad to say about her, she just wasnt a good friend so I moved on - thats all.

I'll definately keep your advice in mind though, thanks.

araina · Nov 10, 2009, 12:58 PM

hey am happy for u..
some ppl are a lil different.
when they find the one they want they don think abt frnz or parents or anyone..they jus bothered abt the guy and as long as they r with them they don give a ..

trust me the time she breaks up wid her bf she ll cryin to u..

u ll get better frnz...life is too long..u sound lik a nice person..
jus move on..there r better things waitin for u



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