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  • Aug 26, 2008, 03:26 PM
    Ammaniti
    My friend repeatedly cancels our plans
    I have a friend who repeatedly cancels our plans. We hang out around each others' houses and the past few times that he's been due to arrive at mine, I either get a text saying that he's "sorry but he can't make it," and can we do it "tomorrow?" or "next Monday?" or an Instant Messenger message that reads along the same lines (if I'm at my computer). I don't mind a cancellation if I'm given notice or if there's a genuine reason, but this friend gives me little notice and seldom has a reason - which I suspect is why he cancels via text, so I can't ask "why?". Not only does he cancel by text (and sometimes IM), but I receive the text AT the time he's meant to be at my house.

    I don't know if this is of any significance, but it seems that he "can't make it" only when he's meant to be coming to my house - never when I'm due to go to his...

    His repeated cancellations and lack of reliability is really starting to irritate me. I make a space in my schedule to see him, and then he cancels by text, which I find quite impertinent in itself - he could at least call - and gives me hardly any notice, so I can't make plans with anyone else. When we made the plans, his schedule was clear, so I can't help thinking that he's been made a 'better offer' by someone, thus cancels his plans with me: "it's only ME," which I find disrespectful and arrogant/self-important on his part. Basically, I'd like some suggestions on how to confront him: if I bottle it up, then I'm worried that the next time I see him, I'll go crazy!

    Should I ask him why he always cancels? Or should I not make any plans with him for a while/ don't ask him around to my place for a while / cancel our plans myself a few times, and hope he gets the message?

    Any other suggestions are most welcome.
  • Aug 26, 2008, 04:44 PM
    BlakeCory
    You should be able to be honest with him if he is really your friend. You could give him the benefit of the doubt and try to believe that he is just bad with managing his time. Tell him how you feel but leave the sharp objects at home. Avoiding him seems passive aggressive and although he certainly deserves it you also deserve a straight answer.

    Remind him that his actions are speaking louder than words and that you would rather hear the truth than be stood up again. No one likes to be fooled. If he is important to you give him another chance to set things right. If the relationship is doing more harm than good, let it go and wish him well.
  • Aug 27, 2008, 11:53 AM
    0rphan
    Hi Ammaniti... maybe it's that when at your house there are other people around, so do don't get to do what you'd planned.

    If I were you I'd stop for a while,until he gets the message... eventually he will ask why you no longer invite him to yours, that will then give you the opportunity to say why, by then you will feel less irritated by the whole thing, which will make the situation less volitile.
  • Aug 30, 2008, 07:50 AM
    SweetDee
    It could be that he prefers you to go to his place better. I have a friend like that too. She'd much better have me at her home rather than have to come to mine and she'll frequently canel plans when she's due at my place. There are people like that... I do think you need to be honest w/ him. I also think it would be a good idea to be open minded about him too. Because you'll still really like his friendship even if he IS a house mouse right? Let him know that he's off the hook right away so he'll feel more comfortable being open and honest w/ you. If he thinks you're judging him or pissed off he just may try and smooth things over w/ politeness just so there is no confrontation. Friends are open and honest w/ one another. They don't judge, they accept each other unconditionally. It's a honest and easy way to be...

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