Ask Me Help Desk - My daughter won't let me see my grandchildren.

My daughter, who has just had what I can only call a mental break... has cut me off from them. My grandkids are 10 and 12. They have a good father, I think the kids are safe, but nobody in her milieu seems to have noticed that these kids have been deprived of a loving grandmother for no apparent reason.
I'm trying to write something in a birthday card... and I am at a loss what to say. Needless to say I cry over this several times a day.

Surely, there must be more to this.

You had an otherwise good relationship with your grandchildren, then suddenly your daughter has a 'mental break' (whatever that means), and only you are excluded from seeing them?

Please provide a little more history here.

There is not anywhere near enough substance to get a clear enough picture to offer any helpful advice.

My question was what do I write to my grandaughter in her birthday card.
The rise and fall of my relationship with my daughter would be a book. But it went from troubled to gone in one conversation.

If you're sending your granddaughter a birthday card just write in it what you would any other time. Nothing more!

Writing something along the lines of "I would love to see you but right now your Mom says no" is not appropriate in any means and this child shouldn't be involved or aware of the situation at all. Don't use sending a birthday card as a way to communicate with the Mom or anyone else about the situation.

Writing anything more than I love yous and happy birthday will further push the situation and keep you from ever seeing her again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FoxCash

If you're sending your granddaughter a birthday card just write in it what you would any other time. Nothing more!

Writing something along the lines of "I would love to see you but right now your Mom says no" is not appropriate in any means and this child shouldn't be involved or aware of the situation at all. Don't use sending a birthday card as a way to communicate with the Mom or anyone else about the situation.

Writing anything more than I love yous and happy birthday will further push the situation and keep you from ever seeing her again.

Thanks, that's what I thought.

My daughter, let me know just before mothers day and just before she had her first child, that she and her husband wanted me gone from their life. Apparently because I called the police on my daughter in 2007 when she went on a tirade after I was had a serious accident and I was afraid of her hurting me.
It is now October and every week is like two months. My grandson should have been born in early July, but no one rose to the occasion and sent me one picture or birth announcement.
This is not something one can get over- one can go on with new goals etc, but I think about this every day. I am so desperate that I have been sending her gifts on her baby registry on Amazon. I realize this is really pathetic, but it makes me feel connected for a short time. At first I called her because I really could not stand not knowing if she and the baby were okay. Then I quit in August. Most of the time I am numb about it, realizing that it will take a lot from her side not mine to heal the rift.
I don't expect anyone to answer the question of healing.
Sometimes during the day, I say well it doesn't look good now does it, and then I order things on Amazon or imagine things will get better.I don't discuss this with my own family because I find them telling me she was no good to begin with not helpful at all. This is my only daughter, I don't need to be reminded of what I did wrong or what she did wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Surely, there must be more to this.

You had an otherwise good relationship with your grandchildren, then suddenly your daughter has a 'mental break' (whatever that means), and only you are excluded from seeing them?

Please provide a little more history here.

There is not anywhere near enough substance to get a clear enough picture to offer any helpful advice.

You should realize that more often than not, the mother has little idea what caused such a deep rift. Saddest of all, I understand that this experience is common, not at all unusual. You might think that you will surely avoid this fate, but for years my daughter repeatedly told me that I was the greatest mother in the world and a shining example for her. In fact, a handwritten note on my last Mother's Day Card, only a few days before I left her house for the last time, says that. I guess even a good mom can end up like this. I have noticed that major life events such as birth of a child, marriage, or divorce often occurs in juxtaposition with the door slamming on a mother/daughter relationship. I know exactly what is referred to as "a mental break," since it so accurately describes what happened to my daughter. She has not spoken to me for six months, and I haven't seen her or my granddaughters in a year and a half. She will NOT give me any reason.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommya

You should realize that more often than not, the mother has little idea what caused such a deep rift. Saddest of all, I understand that this experience is common, not at all unusual. You might think that you will surely avoid this fate, but for years my daughter repeatedly told me that I was the greatest mother in the world and a shining example for her. In fact, a handwritten note on my last Mother's Day Card, only a few days before I left her house for the last time, says that. I guess even a good mom can end up like this. I have noticed that major life events such as birth of a child, marriage, or divorce often occurs in juxtaposition with the door slamming on a mother/daughter relationship. I know exactly what is referred to as "a mental break," since it so accurately describes what happened to my daughter. She has not spoken to me for six months, and I haven't seen her or my granddaughters in a year and a half. She will NOT give me any reason.

I don't think this is something we "should" realize. I don't see how "should" enters into a situation when there are so many other factors. I'm an investigator - I work on cases all the time where no one has a clue what happened or why. Several questions later I know what happened and why. There is no "should."

This question is posted frequently. I have no problem with the rest of your answer.