My daughter in law has verbally assaulted me more than once and no one - not my son (her husband), my adult daughter, nor my ex-husband (with whom I have had a wonderful relationship for the 20+ years that we have been divorced) - has confronted her. In fact, it appears that they all are under her spell and cater to her. My ex is taking everyone, his girlfriend, our son, dgtr. DIL, children, AND their nanny on a holiday cruise and they invited me to join them. I would be the only one who paid for herself, as everyone else would be the guest of the ex. The DIL called me at the end of September to tell me, among other horrible things, that I was "nothing but trouble", etc. etc. etc. and that she didn't want me to go on the cruise. Two days later the ex called to "disinvite" me, and told me that the DIL proudly told him that she had previously "blasted" me on the phone. Needless to say, I am not going on the cruise, and am no longer speaking to the ex. The DIL's mother (with whom she has a hot-cold relationship) called to apologize for her daughter's "craziness". I live 250 miles from my son and his wife and at least once each month for the past 3 years, I have helped them with babysitting with their 2 young children, my grandchildren. I will never say that I am perfect but I have intentionally stayed out of my son's marriage 99% of the time. That 1% when I interfered (it had to do with abandoning issues with my infant grandson), I apologized in writing and on the phone for that to my daughter in law. I feel like I have lost my son and my daughter who are going on, acting like nothing has happened, although my son did say to me that the DIL's problems with me are 100% her issues and have nothing to do with anything that I have done. Feeling like my son and daughter have chosen to side with the DIL has caused me so much pain that I would be tempted to write them all out of my life but I do not want to lose my grandchildren, whom I adore and who love me dearly in return. I am not remarried and I can't help but wonder if I had a husband, would they still treat me so poorly? I am trying to take care of my soul in a healthy way but I am having a very hard time. Do you have any thoughts or suggestions for me?

If your daughter in law is as bad as you say then it is up to your son to step in and say something. If she is doing it in front of him by don't he say something? I find that odd.

Sadly, there isn't really nothing for you to do. I am unsure that if you was remarried this situation would be any different. It seems that what is missing between you and your daughter in law is respect and that is a two way street. How you tried talking to your daughter in law on a one on one basic and expressed your feeling to her?

I feel that your son should have a sit down with the both of you since she is his wife and you're his mother because how longer is this going go on? That's what I would so if my mom and fiancé wasn't getting along. Someone has to do something because tour are a family and family needs to get along. So hopefully your son will do this instead of apolgized for his wife behavior when he talks to you.

I guess I would have found it odd for you to be going on a family trip that your ex was going on, The majority of ex's have trouble being in the same state together esp not on the same boat, For most someone would be going over board.
And a ex not standig up for you, sorry not surprised there either.

And if you burnt some bridges with your son about abandoment issues, explain that more, as to what was done and what you said.

Dear liz and mike - thanks very much for your input. In answer to your question about the abandonment issue (which happened before second baby was born, and when the older child was 1 year), here's my attempt at 20 words or less. Brief history: DIL has had 7 operations in past few years for ulcerative colitis and ensuing complications and has been in and out of hospitals, generally out of state. Instead of keeping child at home, she shipped him out for 10 days to another state to father and stepmother. She did the same thing when second child was born. Result: he worries ALL THE TIME about someone not coming back, and keeps repeating out loud, "so and so is coming back, right? they always come back, right?" this is from a 2 year old child. I did say to my son that they should not ship him out, that he needed to remain in his own home, especially since his mom was gone and when she came back after surgery, she would be in bed and it might be stressful for the child. When my son told the DIL that, she forbade me from seeing the children. I couldn't think of not having the children in my life so I apologized. She didn't actually respond to my apologies but she let me see the children again. But she has been disrespectful to me all along. When she got pregnant with the first baby, I tried to call her to congratulate her. I called numerous times but she never answered the call or called me back. Shortly thereafter, I was talking to my son on the phone and he said, "mom, don't call the DIL, don't email the DIL, don't contact her at all. if she wants to talk to you, she'll call you". And that was how the whole thing started. As for the sit down with son and DIL, to tell you the truth, I am afraid to do that. I don't feel that, as one person alone that I can stand up to the two of them, especially when she calls the shots and he does whatever she says. I shouldn't be so fearful but I am.

Save yourself some grief and have little contact with her, as whatever her problem is, you can't solve it. Let it go, and enjoy the grandkids.