My Daughter and her unruly 12 year old son

wanda_drewery · #1 Dec 10, 2007, 08:15 AM

My daughter has been having trouble with her 12 year old son. This trouble consists of violence, sexual abuse of a younger sibling, running away and threats of killing and or harming himself and other family members. He has just within the past three years returned to his mother after he was taken from her by her exhusband and his mother. He has been in and out of group homes since she(my daughter) has regained custody of him. He has been on ADHD meds since the age of 3. His dad returned him to my daughter when he could no longer control him and he (the child) assaulted his grandfather with a golf club.
She is at her wits end and is now looking to relinguish her parental rights.
my question is: how would she go about religishing her rights? What is involved?

Thank you, Wanda Drewery

bushg · Dec 10, 2007, 08:31 AM

I know your family is in a terrible situation.
It Sounds as though his father has already given up.
But what is going to happen to that child if everyone gives up on him?
I hope someone comes along that can offer you some good advice. By my responding puts your question at the top.

donf · Dec 10, 2007, 08:34 AM

Why wasn't this child prosecuted for all the apparent assaults?

This is not a question of parental rights, this is a concern for family safety and the youth's own safety.

Please seek medical assistance and possible long term commitment to a medical facility equipped to handle both suicidal and violent patients. Why wait for another Va. Tech or Columbine situation. Get this youth the needed help as soon as possible.

startover22 · Dec 10, 2007, 01:27 PM

Has this child ever been to any type of therapy? What are his living conditions and why has he not been taken care of? Sounds like someone did not do their job to the best of their ability. I agree with Don above me, he has hit it right on the nail. This child needs something FAST! Almost twelve years if you ask me!!

Wanda, this has really been weighing on me for the last hour. I can't seem to say anything but this boy needs some love and attention....FIRST and FOREMOST some therapy and so do the parents. Please help them help him. Or there will be nothing left for this child, he will be place in the most awful places, I know this to be true! He will be placed with boys that do these same things, they grow up and become hearless, abusive, and many many other bad things! Not to say every one of those boys end up bad, just most of them. Your daughter has a responsibility here, just because it is a hard job doesn't mean she gets to give up. What is she willing to do to help him? Why has he ended up so violent and hard to handle? I guess that would be where the problem lies. I just can't stand to hear of a parent giving up! It breaks my heart, just breaks my heart!

amberstar · Dec 12, 2007, 03:55 PM

For the one above me about the child needing love and attention, he has gotten more than enough, i know this because i am his mother. he has been to therapist he has in home counseling, those counselors are puzzled as well, yes i mentioned relinguishing my rights. but that was just mentioning, i took him out of a terrible situation where they were more than happy to be rid of him. everyone he has ever known since i regained custody of him have just up and left him. My family and i have been very supportive of his past life. it was one i would not wish on anyone, but his behaviors are getting out of hand and there is nothing more anyone can do to help him because he is not willing to help himself. i hope this helps clear up your confusion

amberstar · Dec 12, 2007, 03:59 PM

and about the charges to donf....they were droppped because he was committed before the court date. but he now has new charges

startover22 · Dec 12, 2007, 04:28 PM

Ok amber, first I am glad you are keeping with him. I would hate to see a child abandon...I wonder still what started all of these behaviors? Why would you have to take him out of a situation? why was he there? I mean if you look at all of the things he is going through, back and forth, people not wanting him. I think the problem has to start with the people handling him....I am sorry to say but you need to go to counceling to figure out how to handle him....He is almost old enough to leave for good and make really bad choices for himself. Therapy could start you on a way to help him! I hope this helped...

amberstar · Dec 12, 2007, 08:19 PM

startover, the in home counselor is a family counselor, i have 3 of them tag teaming the situation. they work with me and with my other children in how to handle the behaviors and how to help my other children cope. i appreciate your efforts, but until you have actually lived w/ a child suffering from so called ADHD O.D.D bipolar OCD and has been put on every med known to the psychiatric profession since he was three and had a grandmother that kept him on codiene so she didn't have to deal with him. they stole a perfectly healthy happy little boy from me, DSS said they were better suited, because i left my abusive husband to stay with my father and trying to work 2 jobs, but since i lived with my father i was not a stable parent go figure. for 6 yrs he was bounced from one family member to the other has never known stability and when i try to offer stability he has no clue how to handle it.

bushg · Dec 12, 2007, 08:28 PM

amber, startover is not attacking you. No one is. She is only trying to help you, if I am not mistaken she has experience with children as she is a foster mother.
I understand that you are upset but your tone is a little harsh.



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