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Ithinkmydadhatesme · Nov 6, 2006, 09:23 AM

My dad only pretends 2 like me he never talks to me and says I was an accident.
I'm falling behind on homework because I find talking to him is 2 hard so I can never ask 4 help.
He never agrees with anything I say and everything I do is stupid.
He grounds me 4 not giving him the remote so he can watch a stupid show he don't even like.
He hits me a lot and sends me 2 my room.
He never lets my hang out with my friends and says its my fault my mams dead.
What should I do?

TrioKIT · Nov 6, 2006, 12:25 PM

I think you should probably just lay low with him. Try to avoid confrontation and just do what he says for the time being.

Once things cool down so there's less hatred in the air, try doing some of the things you used to love to do. Even just playing a song that brings back positive memories, or asking to play a silly old boardgame could bring you two closer. But the most important thing is not to agitate him otherwise you just become more angry and things will escalate.

It may seem ridiculous, acting like the perfect child for a little bit but you have to think about his position. He loves you. But there's probably a lot of stress on him and when you two get into arguments it just adds to his stress.

Your dad loves you.

Keep that in mind.

-trio

chuff · Nov 6, 2006, 01:26 PM

Hey brother how are you?

I want you to know that I'm speaking directly from personal experience as someone who has always had problem with my dad. So I know exactly where your coming from.

First thing I want you to do is change your screen name. You can not go around life identifying yourself based on someone else's beliefs.

Second, I struggled in school and barely passed high school. When Ii went to college I took a course on how to study and how the human brain works and it completely changed my studying habits. If such a course is available to you I recommend highly that you take it. I graduated college with a 3.5 GPA and this was from someone that barely made it out of high school with C's, D's, and E's. You are in no way stupid. You just haven't learned how to learn and how to memorize thing properly.

Second, what is your age? Hopefully this is something that you can break away from soon if you turn 18.

A couple of questions for you, Did he act like this when your mom was alive? How long ago did she pass? Maybe he's in some kind of emotional pain and this is way of relieving it. It's not right by any means but I'm just offering it up as a suggestion. Give us a little more info please.

Ithinkmydadhatesme · Nov 6, 2006, 02:55 PM

Im 16.
My mum died when I was 2.
My dad thinks board games are a waste of time.

DJ 'H' · Nov 6, 2006, 03:01 PM

It sounds to me like your Dad cannot cope with the loss of you mother and perhaps sees a lot of her in you which may explain why he is so horrible to you. I am not making allowences for him, but do feel perhaps there is more to this than meets the eye. He sounds very depressed and very resentful and probably does not realise how is treationg you and the affect it is having on you.

Do you have any relatives you can talk to or turn to for some help?

chuff · Nov 6, 2006, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by Ithinkmydadhatesme

Im 16.
My mum died when i was 2.
My dad thinks board games are a waste of time.

I'm assuming your from the UK? What is the age you finish school and become a legal adult? Is it 18 like here in the US?

Your dad may never have expected to raise you by himself so perhaps that's the reason he's acting out.

What does the board game have to do with this problem?

DJ 'H' · Nov 6, 2006, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

I'm assuming your from the UK? What is the age you finish school and become a legal adult? Is it 18 like here in the US?

Your dad may never have expected to raise you by himself so perhaps that's the reason he's acting out.

What does the board game have to do with this problem?

I am from the UK - We finish school at 16yrs - then have the option to continue onto 6th form or college until 18yrs then go onto uni until 21yrs+ depending on the course (Optional) & Legal Adult age is 18yrs old.

extremely_shy_girl · Nov 6, 2006, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by Ithinkmydadhatesme

He hits me alot and sends me 2 my room.
He never lets my hang out with my friends and says its my fault my mams dead.
What should I do?

Wow. It sounds like your dealing with a lot of emotional torment. But, I'm concerned about the hitting. What kind of physical hitting are you talking about? It must be really really hard for you to come home every single day and deal with your Dads inability to cope. Don't give up on him. I think counseling is the answer. You need someone to be an outside perspective to what's going on between you two. Have you told him how you feel? How what he says and does hurts you?

It helps to be a "perfect child" but that's just putting icing over a horrendous cake. Making things appear fine when they aren't. Find support from friends and other family members. Never sink so low to talk bad about your dad. He does love you even if he can't express it.

chuff · Nov 6, 2006, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by DJ 'H'

I am from the UK - We finish school at 16yrs - then have the option to continue onto 6th form or college until 18yrs then go onto uni until 21yrs+ depending on the course (Optional) & Legal Adult age is 18yrs old.

Thanks for the info. Is it normal to leave home at 16 in the UK? Would it be possible for this young man to get a place of his own? Could he get a place of his own and then still continue with the 6th form (sorry I really don't get what that means) Basically, if he could get out for a while I think it might help him cope and also learn about the "real world."

TrioKIT · Nov 6, 2006, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

Hey brother how are you?

I want you to know that I'm speaking directly from personal experience as someone who has always had problem with my dad. So I know exactly where your coming from.

First thing I want you to do is change your screen name. You can not go around life identifying yourself based on someone else's beliefs.

Second, I struggled in school and barely passed high school. When Ii went to college I took a course on how to study and how the human brain works and it completely changed my studing habits. If such a course is available to you I recommend highly that you take it. I graduated college with a 3.5 GPA and this was from someone that barely made it out of high school with C's, D's, and E's. You are in no way stupid. You just haven't learned how to learn and how to memorize thing properly.

Second, what is your age? Hopefully this is something that you can break away from soon if you turn 18.

A couple of questions for you, Did he act like this when your mom was alive? How long ago did she pass? Maybe he's in some kind of emotional pain and this is way of relieving it. It's not right by any means but I'm just offering it up as a suggestion. Give us a little more info please.

Your dad maybe is hiding in his own little shell, you shouldn't let that push you into YOUR shell. (whatever it may be though it may not be this, you shouldn't let it drive you down so far) And I completely agree with the dude from above (that post up there) Your dad has his own problems and walking around displaying the feeling your getting from him is effecting you more than the people looking at your screen name.

Call me cheesy but a quote from this guy who I really admire is "you can't say you love someone until you love yourself. But you love them no matter what." you can make what you what out of that. It means something diff. to everyone.

I as well am speaking from personal experience, my family situation is extremely complicated and high strung with unchangeable emotions. What I do is make sure I'm as close as I can be to anyone important in my life, they help me not get depressed about the bad parts I don't even have to talk about it with them I just know they're there for me.

That kind of reassurance is kind of my fall back when things get bad, or dangerous. But you don't always find that reassurance in people. A passion (though a dull word used for passion is hobby) can be something helpful in your life. This might sound kind of silly to you they're all just suggesstions since I don't really know you so well.

--trio

DJ 'H' · Nov 6, 2006, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

Thanks for the info. Is it normal to leave home at 16 in the UK? Would it be possible for this young man to get a place of his own? Could he get a place of his own and then still continue with the 6th form (sorry I really don't get what that means) Basically, if he could get out for a while I think it might help him cope and also learn about the "real world."

Its not common practise to leave home at 16yrs, but it is not unheard of!

General schooling finishes at 16yrs but further education can go up to 18yrs or over depending on an iundividuals choice.

Wildcat21 · Nov 6, 2006, 05:10 PM

Seriously - I think it's time to avopid Dad at all cost. Shut him out.

Answer his question - but don't ever - for the rest of your life - try to please this guy. Do other things - be out of the house as much as possible.

This is not normal

TrioKIT · Nov 6, 2006, 05:10 PM

This is the best idea. Its very rational and all of my questions are the same.

Wildcat21 · Nov 6, 2006, 05:11 PM

Are there any other relatives you can live with?

But, for the love of god!! Study hard - do oyur home work!! Please!!

DJ 'H' · Nov 6, 2006, 05:14 PM

I am with you wildcat. I asked if there was any other relatives she could turn too, on the bassis they could offer a place to live and give the support that is required here.

latashaperkins · Nov 7, 2006, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by Ithinkmydadhatesme

My dad only pretends 2 like me he never talks 2 me and says i was an accident.
I'm falling behind on homework because I find talking 2 him is 2 hard so I can never ask 4 help.
He never agrees with anything I say and everything I do is stupid.
He grounds me 4 not giving him the remote so he can watch a stupid show he don't even like.
He hits me alot and sends me 2 my room.
He never lets my hang out with my friends and says its my fault my mams dead.
What should I do?

Your father is trying to cope with your mother being gone and it is hard for a father to be emotional to anyone and all I can tell you until he comes to his senses try to steer clear of him and try not to make him angry even if you are really ticked off at him bite your tongue.

Ithinkmydadhatesme · Nov 7, 2006, 02:38 PM

Im from Ireland not england.
I try 2 talk 2 my dad he ignores me!
No my dads all I have he and my mum had me when they were 16 so my grandparents hate me.
And I'm a dude!!

Wildcat21 · Nov 7, 2006, 04:00 PM

So your Dad is 32? - he's still to young to have kids I bet.

Does he date? Why doesn't he go out and meet women? He's so young!!

Ithinkmydadhatesme · Nov 8, 2006, 12:40 PM

No he don't date he just works all the time!!

chuff · Nov 8, 2006, 01:03 PM

You need to provide us with some more info here. I think there's a lot your not telling us, especially since your posting other questions elsewhere. Why don't you open up beyond these one sentence responses.