This is my first time to this site. I have noticed that there are several different questions about parents that abuse drugs and are in danger of losing custody. My question is similar. First of all, I was addicted to pain pills. I don't have a problem admitting that. But for over a year now I have been prescribed to methadone. I have been subjected to drug test for the past year and have tested clean every time. I have a full time job (I didn't when I was using) and I take very good care of my daughter. She is my WORLD!!! I was served papers last week from her father. He wants custody of my daughter who he hasn't seen since she was 2 weeks old (his choice). My question is will the courts look down on me for taking methadone? I have a lawyer and am going to see her on Friday to discuss this, but I am dying at the thought of losing my daughter.

tinkerbell77

I would guess that he could use the pain killer addiction against you. But if you have been clean and can prove that she is well taken care of in your care. Example: day care, school, family. Any one that see's her every day as well as see's you with her that can testify on your behalf. I don't think he can take her away but I'm sure he can get visitation or even 1/2 custody depending on his situation.

valinors_sorrow

There are so many variables to this and it tends to differ from state to state that I would think your best bet is to ask your attormey, which I understand you will on Friday. Generally speaking, to lose custody takes the other side proving unfit parenting, which is tougher than it seems (at least in my state it is). I have seen active addicts, with police records even, not lose custody. But like the other post said, you may have to share your child with him since, by the same token, being absent usually isn't sufficient reason to bar access to a biological child for anyone. I would make the argument to anyone who doubted you, that a recovering addict is in some ways a safer bet than an unknown-- at least everyone knows where you are in it due to the periodic testing. And if it helps, last time I looked, recovering people often make good parents. Good luck to you and no matter what, don't pick up.

ADW76

Thanks! Everyone keeps telling me not to worry, but that is easier said than done. People keep saying that there isn't a chance that I will lose my daughter. Especially considering the fact that he hasn't seen my daughter since she was 2 weeks old. She is 2 1/2 now. And I would put money on the fact that he is STILL using drugs. He doesn't think marijuana is a drug. Well, I think the judge will!!!! I think what has triggered this sudden interest with our daughter is b/c he just got married. I'm sure he doesn't want his new wife to think he is a dead beat dad so he is going to act like he wants to be a part of my daughters life. Which I am glad he is - she deserves a father. I'm very thankful that I had straightened my life up before all of this took place - I haven't used ANY drugs at all since starting the methadone, which has been almost a year. It really has helped me to turn my life around. I know some people look down on it, but if it is used like directed - it really can work miracles.

tinkerbell77

Good luck to you! I know it's easier said that done. But don't worry! It's really hard for someone to claim you are unfit and can't have her at all. Especially after you have taken care of her for years!

serialwife

A good thing to do in this situation would be to ask for a custody study of both homes. In a custody study a social worker observes the child in both homes. They look at the cleanliness of the home, the realtionship between all 3 parties, and they can take into account your sucess in getting clean. They sometimes request both parties take a drug screen. His lack of relationship with your daughter will be obvious to anyone who observes the pair.

PS as a social worker I would be proud to see a mother on my caseload taking methadone to beat her addiction. Make sure you follow your program and take the methadone only as prescribed. Your situation is the reason we have these types of clinics.

Heather

ADW76

Thank you so much for your kind words. You have no idea how much that means to me to hear that from someone in your career field. You have truly made my day!!! Thanks again!

serialwife

You are very welcome. I wish you and your daughter the very best.