I had been BEST FRIENDS with this girl since we were in the 5th grade. We did everything together; I was always over at her house spending the night, the weekends, the summers... we were inseparable.
As we grew up, I moved away for a year, then came back. In that year, I don't know if it was me or her that changed (or both), but from the time I moved back until almost a year ago, we were kind of friends off and on.
I don't mean to make her the bad guy and myself a saint (cuz I am nowhere near one), but every time things seemed to be going good between her and I, one of us would get a new boyfriend and she would start crap with me (if I had a boyfriend, she'd start crap with him too). I do admit that I did not ignore her childishness, but instead I fought back. It seems like she would just find things to fight with me about.
December of 2006, my doctors and I thought for a while that I wouldn't be able to have kids (we were wrong... I'm 38 weeks now). She decided in the middle of one of our month-long fights that she would bring that up and rub it in my face that she already had kids. Again, I didn't ignore it, I retaliated.
We became friends again... and in July of 2007, she and I were supposed to go see WWE RAW. Her mom was taking us for our birthdays. Well, being stupid (myself), I did something that I am not proud of and ended up getting arrested. I covered for her (because we had her daughter with us) so she didn't get arrested also. Instead of calling my mother or my fiancée... she just went to WWE RAW anyway AND took another one of our friends in my place.
We became friends again... and the next summer, she started dating my fiancee's work buddy. She started fights with me again; I don't know why or even what it was about. She would call me names, tell her boyfriend things which caused tension between him and my fiancée... which caused problems at work... which my fiancée then brought home and caused problems between him and myself.
My family had been telling me from the very first fight that I needed to get away from her and that she was no good and would never grow up. After the last fight caused problems between me and my fiancée, I decided that if she wouldn't grow up, then I would! I began ignoring her and have continued to ignore her for almost 2 years now.
She sends me emails on myspace which I read to make sure that someone in her family (who had become somewhat of my family) has not had some kind of accident or died or whatever. Then, I delete the message. I do not respond to her at all. Every time I get one of her emails, something tells me that she has somehow changed. I know you can't tell by a computer; it's something you have to see for yourself. I just don't want to be wrong and waste my time.
Any advice? Do you think people can truly change?

Ideally,people can change.They grow up and learn by their mistakes.
However, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

If someone is inherently self centered and selfish,those are personality characteristics and those things are very difficult to change.
I believe in second chances and since you have a history ,you will be smart enough to protect yourself.

I think you are in a situation where you just have to trust your instincts but be prepared to protect yourself from any drama.

Avasean, I have seen people change many times in my life and in many ways. It is hard though and the person has to put a lot of energy into making the change but I have seen dramatic changes in people. As a fertility herbalist, I have seen women make major lifestyle changes but their motivation is so intense that they do it. As a psychotherapist I saw many changes too.

Regarding your relationship with your friend it seems that something has to change. She seems to be in your life whether you like it or not. You have a lot of interconnected relationships. I don’t see any indication from your description of what has happened so far to point toward any shift in her, though.

Perhaps you don’t have to wait for her to change. Instead perhaps you could make a change or shift inside yourself. It doesn’t seem like she is the type of person who you would be friends with but maybe you could just be able to be in the same room together without damaging each other. Perhaps you could keep a bit of a wall up with her but still stay pleasant. I think you would have to acknowledge that within yourself this is what your relationship is and not expect anything more. It is a limited relationship but at least not a negative one.

When she seems to try to push your buttons don’t take the bait. She will have nothing to fight against. See, you have the power to control this situation. Is it within your ability to change? Like I said at the beginning. CHANGE REALLY IS POSSIBLE!. but only in ourselves.

Just my opinion, but I see no indication that she has ever admitted to causing all the grief she has.

She's caused problems for you, your fiancé, your fiance's work, etc. I doubt that her behavior will change at her age, simply for one reason.

It is not in her best interest to change. She is maniupulative and untrustworthy, and has proven that time and time again. It is not only you she has harmed, there are likely many others.

If she were an ex boyfriend, instead of an ex best girlfriend, would you consider having him as a boyfriend again?

I'd say keep it as it is. If you have to have any contact with her, keep it cordial, but take the high road.

You're doing the right thing.

THANK YOU EVERYONE! I've been contemplating talking to her again for a while. My husband (the fiancée previously mentioned) and I are expecting our first child... a baby girl... within the next 2 weeks. One of the emails I got from my ex-friend was telling me that she had something's to give me for my daughter (she's got a couple of kids). She is also very materialistic and apparently thinks that I am too. In my opinion, she offered me those things as a bribe (or whatever you would call it) for me to talk to her again.

Maybe it is more a matter of boundaries. Allow what you are comfortable with, and be aware when, and if, things start to turn. Maybe don't give so much to the friendship, it sounds like it was unbalanced to me.

This reminds me of a friend of mine I've had since I was six years old. She grew into a person who was very materialistic, and dated men only with a lot of money. She married three times, and had three children, one by each man. My home is off a major thouroughfare that is easy to access on the way into Toronto.

I am always happy to see her, but I'm always more happy when she leaves. ;) She comes prepared with pictures of her latest vacation, or drags me out to her car to see her latest set of wheels. She is one of those that sends a Christmas newsletter to make sure everybody knows how valuable she is.

So, maybe you can have it both ways. Maintain a friendship at arms length, but feel good that you haven't taken her out completely.

Best of luck with a new baby coming too, very exciting!