i dont know who my real dad is mum has never talked about him and i have never asked. simple as. but my mum has been with her partner for 12 years and has brought me up as his own since i was 3. but as i have grew up, i have been ever more so curious about my REAL dad. for the last 3 years i have started pushing my step-dad away, building a wall between us. early last year i decided i wanted to find my dad, but was unable to confind in any of my family as i didnt want to hurt my mums or my step-dads feelings. but now i think i may have found him, i wellnt be able to meet him unless my mum finds out, do i tell my mum and hurt my step-dad as he has brought me up for all these years, or do i forget about my real dad and carry on with the people who have loved me and brought me up??? please help, im sooooo confused!!!!

shygrneyzs

Your REAL DAD is the one who raised you as your own - that is REAL. The biological father is just that - the biological father. However, I do truly understand your frustration and urge to find out the truth. Sit down with your parents and really discuss why you want to search for this man. Your search is not because you have ceased to love your mum and step-dad, nor is it because you want hurt them, your search is because we all have the drive to find our identity in life. Who we are connected to, why, and all the wherefores.
Meeting him without your mum's knowledge or permission is not advisable. How do you really know that he is your birth father?
This is a very delicate situation and can be handled with care and mutual respect. Is there someone you truly trust that can help you communicate your meaning for searching for your birth father to your mum and step dad? Someone like a pastor, teacher, counselor, etc.
Also remember that the reality you find may not ever match your fantasy of a father. Then again, it could. But prepare yourself for that. Do not hang all your hopes and dreams on the thought that finding this person will ease all your questions.
I say all this because I have been through all this. I do truly wish you the very best and all safety and blessings and peace with your search.

Fr_Chuck

I am adopted and I have an adopted son, you REAL dad is the man who raised you, He did not have to take you as his own but did so because he wanted to and loved you. You need to forget about anybody else till you build that bridge between your DAD and you.

Then and only then, you talk with your mom, let her know what you are doing, and then go see the sperm donor that got her pregnant.

Jesushelper76

I was brought up by my step dad since I was three years old as well. I have always wanted to get to know my real father. I used to imagine him visiting me. I always wanted to get to know him and spend time with him. Even though I was brought up with a step dad it did not replace the need to have my Real biological father. Without him I felt like a piece of me was missing. When I did finally visit with him and video tape us together, I came back and showed my step dad. I do think it hurt him and do think he was jealous of that, but you know what it did not matter to me because what was important was that I got to know my real biological father. Things went to hell with the relationship with my step father to the point I had to move out. There were many other factors going on as well. Long story short. I made the effort to keep intouch and get to know him but then he did things that caused me to rethink seeing him again. He never made the effort to keep intouch and other things. So now, I need to let go of that and not bother anymore because It did not get me anywhere. I think it is important if you have in your heart a feeling to find your father and get to know him then that is what you should do. You should share this and be open and honest with your mother and step father. Let them know how you feel about them and how no one else will replace them but you would like to look for your biological father and maybe meet him, If he wants a visit. You could open up yourself to a whole new side of an extended family. Are you willing to not get to know some of them, because you might hurt somebodys feelings. Just remember too, you might get hurt as well. Especially if you find out that he does not want to see you or that he may learn some things you do not like in your father. I can tell you will learn good things and bad things. Just be open and prepared for any reaction.

So go for it but be upfront to your mom and dad about your intentions and they will respect you in the long run better because you included them in the process of you looking for your father.