I am dreading the start of our new project... how do you work with someone who doesn't answer your emails when you need the stuff they are doing?? Quote.

I believe you can't make someone care about you, if they don't. So if you need "stuff they are doing", maybe find some other way of finding the stuff somewhere else instead.

I believe you have shown how much you care. The ball is in her court to either receive it or not. That is all you can do. Sometimes, we lose friends in our lives that mean a lot to us. Sometimes it can take years before we realize how much they meant to us. Sometimes some people have to work on their own problems before they are open to being open to someone else again. There are a lot of reasons people lose touch.

Like me, I have this friend named Sue. We were inseparable as teenagers and young adults. Did everything together. But later in life, we were on opposite paths. She was still out partying every weekend, while I was home breast feeding.

Now, she is home breast feeding and I am again out partying!

We lost touch because our lives weren't similar at the same time. I still think of her often, especially around the holidays.

You know that sort of friend that if you picked up the phone even after years of not talking, you can bring yourself right back to where you were without difficulty. Like no time has elapsed. Real friends are there, forever. All it takes is a phone call. An email. A letter. And although, you maybe on different paths at the time, the strength of the relationship is always there. Because of memories. And because of the love you shared for each other. Now that is a life long friend. Love you, Sue!

Maybe there's hope for us to be on the same path together in our fifties? But I think we will look funny being metal heads by that time!? And then again, maybe not. Lets get thrashed!

I think I need to call her! Now where's that number, again?

Someone who doesn't care about you should NOT tell you that you are special and how they cannot imagine life without you as a friend and then turn around the next day - literally - and tell you they don't want to do things with you and not answer their phone... it really messes with your head...

And yeah... if she ever calls, I'll be there... but I have come to the conclusion that me growing four inches is a more likely event... I think I am going from sadness and brokenheartdness to plain ole anger, whose head can I bite off today... GRRRR...

But alas, since it's Xmas Eve... there are waaay better and happier things to do... except for the fact that I'm out of YEAST and dear hubby is at the store but didn't take his cell phone...

Yeah... I'm digressing... Thanks y'all... stay tuned...

May Santa bring you what you want... and if you don't celebrate, may you have some peaceful days... lots of good movies out there...

Yes, I would think it would mess with your head. But she may be the hermit sort. Which may entail needing time to herself for the time being. I have an Uncle who is like that. Lives alone. No famiily contact. No friends. Yet, we care about him. We send him cards around the holidays. Leave messages every so often on the phone and never get a call back. It is very sad. But we always tell him we are hear if he ever wants us. That will never change. It is different, I guess with family. But you do what you can to ensure that those that you care about know that you care about them. And keep the door open. It is in there court after that.

So... do I leave a "Happy New Year's" Message or not? Y'all might remember that she said "It's not personal".... so if I was to believe this, I should continue treating her like I always have (goofy messages, goofier cards, emails - o.k. I cut down on those) OR??

I have been having an awesome holiday with my gang here at home and with a ton of friends, but I'm still hurting a lot... (I replaced some pictures on my desk that had my buddy in them and took her off speed dial... didn't help much. I haven't contacted her either - which goes against what my heart's telling me - because I have always believed in treating people like I want to be treated or at least trying).

Mental Slaps needed and appreciated... Happy New Year

Tallarin, leaving an email message wishing someone Happy New Year's is great. Especially, if you care about them. Now if she turned around and informed you that she did not want you contacting her what so ever...
Then that would be a closed door. But until then, sending little notes every once in a while to someone is great. Whatever, they are going through at some point in there lives. Someday, they may wake up and realize who really has always loved them. And maybe not. But at least, you tried. Especially, when it comes to girlfriends! But you also have to take into consideration that a real friend, wouldn't make you worry or miss them. Because they would always be there!

Actutally, it's a phone message... I don't email her because I don't trust that her DH will not delete it before it gets to her.

And believe me J... your last sentence has crossed my mind more than once this week. Especially because I would NEVER do that...

I KNOW I won't get an answer to my emails/phone calls/letters... so our next team meeting should be raaaather interesting...

"Actutally, it's a phone message... I don't email her becasue I don't trust that her DH will not delete it before it gets to her."

Tall, does she know you feel this way? Does she feel this way about her DH also? Why?

Tall, why are you continuing to do this? You got to let it go. She might like you - she might not like you, she may have a horrible husband - she may not have a horrible husband, she may have personal issues - she may not have personal issues. Why are you stressing over this? I don't mean to be rude about this but your maybe you come off so overly concerned about her that it scares her. It feels like your wanting to be part of every little bit of her life.

You seem like a great friend. You seem like a caring, concerned, loving person. I'm not taking that away from you. But if you have to ask if you should send a Christmas present then a New Year's message then I don't really think your friends. If you have a hint that your bothering her - you are. You know people change and grow and move on. Relationships change. Relationships end. Maybe she's reached a point in her life. Maybe it's neither of you. Perhaps she's just moving in a new direction.

I've said this before about my best friend in high school. After high school he moved about 5 hours away, I went on with my life, and we just lost touch. Several years later we ran into each other at a gas station. We had lunch, exchanged numbers and never called the other. He wasn't a bad guy. But he wasn't the same person I knew. I wasn't the same person he knew. Sometimes friendships end because people move on. You can't help it. You paths crossed for a time, value what you had and accept it. But focus on your path, not hers. Focus on your future and the value of your friendship that you can offer to others who want it.

Yo... Chuff... you are absolutely NOT being RUDE. And yes, people change over time not overnight which is what happened here. And the whole likes me/doesn't like me stems from HER attitude towards me from one day to the next, up until 3 weeks ago when she just dropped of the face of the earth the day after she came to my house for a meeting...

Thanks again!

Hello again... yeah... she's still not talking to me but she did send an email thanking me for Xmas present and actual handwritten card thanking me for the upbeat messages and the birthday present, but when I call, she'll let it go to voicemail...

Someone else by complete accident managed to get in touch with her, said "she didn't sound good"... I played the "I know nuttin card!" It just made me feel worse, but I don't betray confidences...

So far, I've hidden my anger and hurt from my messages... kept them to the goofy cheerie kind, but I'm beginning to feel like a hypocrite for not telling her the truth. No, I am not moping around the house any more BUT for some reason the last couple of days, I felt like my heart just shattered... It's weird that a friend who is almost like a sister can have that effect on me... I thought only boys broke girl's hearts... Maybe it's because my OTHER best friend (numero uno, top banana) HUSBAND is going back on the road for a while... he's been working from home... and now I'm facing not having anyone to really confide in. Don't get me wrong, I have very many good friends... but the one I trusted abandoned me... Thank goodnes for four goofy kids that soon will be doing the comedy circuit... they keep me laughing...

Good night...

Accept that she has changed and move on. She may come to her senses sooner or later or... not.

Not to pat myself on the back but I think what I wrote on January 1st still holds true.

She left this relationship a long time ago. I think she left it long before you think she did. Truth is I know I've stayed friends with people hoping they would change, grow up, or just because they had been with me in difficult times but eventually I left. But I left as a friend long before I left physically. That's exactly what happened here. She either grew out of the friendship or wanted something different. Respect her and let her go. Respect yourself and let the mystery as to why go as well.

Unless they are the written kind, I am not good with mysteries, especially when I keep getting mixed messages such as "I don't know what I'd do without you" AFTER the "big blowup"...

Believe me guys, I have been working on letting go, but it's been hard, especially after I get phone calls/emails from folks asking if I've heard from her, or like when I was at a party last week and 6 people asked ME where she was (like I said, we used to be Abbot and Costello), or now that once again, that the dreaded collaboration project has surfaced (thank goodnes for email!! ). I even changed the pictures I had of us around the house (my kids looked at me REALLY funny when they noticed... ) and put a couple of the gifts she gave me away. And today, don't ask me why, but the thoughts came back and made me sad... same as when I got the card a couple of days ago... I guess I'm not used to being "thrown out" like a piece of used material.

Someone very observant mentioned "depression symptoms" when talking about my friend... hope she's taking care of herself... I will next week, once I finish a piece of work that's been giving me a headache and that it's due with my client on Monday...

THANK YOU! Again...