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I turned 40 a few weeks ago and my mother gave me this little salt and pepper set most likely acquired from the Dollar Tree. I thought it was cute, but unnessary. My brother and sisters and I have asked my mother to refrain from giving gifts primarily because she is on a fixed income and my sister and I help pay for her food, utilities, OTC meds and other things here and there like clothes and a driver to take her to her doctor appointments.
My brother's birthday was last week (he lives in Texas) and my son and he were talking over the webcam. This was last Saturday and I bring my mother over to have lunch and do her laundry while she visits with the kids. My brother makes a point to thank our mother for her card and gift. I'm thinking she sent him a small trinket, too. He goes on to state that he used the money to take the family out to eat and something else (I forget), and I realize she sent him money! I am guessing $50 to $100.
Am I just being a jerk for feeling really irritated that my mother who can barely make ends meet sends money she doesn't have to my brother who really doesn't need it? I didn't say anything to my brother or mother or even my husband. What's the point? I thought the anonymity of this forum would either indulge my petty feelings or slap me back into reality.
First it may not even be true, some people like to just brag, ( you know mines always bigger sort of thing)
But your mother does need help with her budget if she is doing this, since she may well be doing other things with her money where she needs to be paying her bills.
Of course to her, you are there for her and she knows that you can tell she loves you, but for the one not near her, this may be her way to trying to show that.
When she is gone you are going to wish she was around to give you a cheap set of salt and pepper shakers. It isnt the gift, its the giving and the thought.
I think I would give anything to see my mom again. So think about it.
I wouldnt put too much into it. It could just be she had some extra cash during your brothers birthday and was short during yours. It should be the thought that counts. Maybe she wanted to send your brother more money because she doesnt get to see him as often, where she sees you alot more. Its only a birthday gift too, I havent recieved an actual present from my parents since I was 18.
My grandmother nearly bankrupted herself on stupid little stuff - figurines from the drugstore, collectibles from magazines, $20 to the church, and so on. She was an easy mark because she was not adept at saying "no" and was from a generation in which the men managed the money.
Our family's solution was for her children - my mom and her siblings - to approach her in a kind and respectful manner to talk to her about their concerns that long term, she would not have enough money unless her money was managed better. They strongly suggested that they take over her finances - balance her accounts, pay her monthly bills, report to her regularly on what has been paid and what she has and where every penny has gone. They give her cash for her monthly expenses. She is in a senior facility which provides her meals and such, so someone more independent might need a pre-paid credit card for things like grocieries and restaurant meals with friends and so on.
The family also agreed on a certain dollar amount for gifts from my grandmother, which I think was a huge relief for her. It was set at $100 for each of her children for each birthday and each Christmas, and $20 for each grandchild. Because she wasn't spending so much a dollar at a time, she could then afford to do this and ended up being very relieved to have the guideline. It prevented family members from giving gift ideas that were too costly - if they wanted something more expensive, she gave them their money to put toward that item.
When she became physically and mentally unable to manage her money, the arrangements had already been approved by her and were simply continued. She now suffers from dimmentia, but having the financial piece done long ago allowed more focus to be put on her other needs as they changed and increased.
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