Just as I was getting settled into a nice routine here with my new 6 week old baby, my 4 and 6 year old, my husband, and my parents (who are staying here with us until the end of September), and just as my back was starting to get better....

Tonight my sister-in-law, Debbie, who lives in another province, paid us a totally surprise visit with her 3 kids. She's divorced and has been going through some difficulties lately. When she arrived, we all decided to go out for a late dinner, as the kids hadn't been fed yet and we figured it would be less work. Halfway through dinner, Debbie said she felt poorly and that she'd like to go lay down. So, we gave her the spare keys to the house and said we'd meet her there later. When we get home, there is a note from her. "I'm so sorry, but I can't handle the children right now, can you please take them for a while?" We searched the house, but she and her suitcase were both gone. So, she basically dumped her kids with us and left!!! I guess this is officially Brady Bunch Central now, with 6 kids under 10!

I am really really angry about this. First of all, her children are upset and confused... she neglected to mention anything about this to them. Secondly of course, she didn't ask us if the kids could stay here. But now we are feeling sorry for the kids, not to mention feeling obligated to care for them. This isn't their fault, and I don't want them to feel like we resent them.

Debbie's ex-husband is out of the country, and hasn't seen his children for about 2 years. We are trying to contact him but I doubt that will do any good. I have no idea how long "a while" is to my sister-in-law, either. A week? A month? I feel like I'm going insane!!! There's no other place for the children to go, other than their grandparents who live in BC, and there's no way I'm going to put them on a plane right after their mother flies here and basically abandons them. That would be too traumatic.

My husband is training to be a psychiatrist, and my father IS a psychiatrist, so of course they both have their theories about Debbie right now. But I DON'T CARE!!! I'm the one who now has 6 little kids to deal with, 3 of which are sad and scared and crying for Mommy. UGH! If Debbie plans on coming back in the next few days she's better steer clear of me!!! GRRR!!

Anyways LOL sorry I just had to vent. I'm not sure there's anything anyone can advise us on with this one, I guess we just have to make due until we find Debbie's ex or Debbie re-appears. The stupid thing is of course, if Debbie had come to us honestly, we probably would have agreed to take the kids for a week or two. It's the way she did it that really bothers me.

Sigh, well I guess I'd better get some sleep now... I'm going to need it!!! Thanks for letting me vent.

CaptainForest

Honestly Chava,

I would call the cops on her.

That is not to say you can’t take care of the kids, but I would still call the cops on her.

If she is doing this once now, who is to say she won't do it again?

She shouldn’t get a free pass is my opinion.

orange

Thanks Captain Forest! I'm still up, bleah. Can't sleep because I am sooo angry. But I'm glad to hear you say that, because we DID call the RCMP tonight, and I felt a bit bad about it, so it's good to know someone else feels it's okay.

Actually in spite of how upset I am about this I am pretty worried about Debbie. Like she's acting weird. I would like the police to find her, just to make sure she isn't going to commit suicide or something. And yes, she did abandon her kids, which is a crime.

Anyways thanks for understanding. I appreciate it.

talaniman

Chava-DO NOT READ UNTIL YOU HAVE VENTED!(really vented)
1-This is an unfortunate and stressful situation and I agree this is a crime- to abandon children
2-The good thing is the children are in GOOD hands
3-Be patient until ALL the facts are in!!!!
4-It must take a lot for a mother to leave her children with no explanation!!
5-The welfare of the children comes first, be patient until all the facts come to light!!!(did I repeat myself???? )
6-Just a question ....for when you are not mad...anymore-Have you been chosen to step forward again?
7-Do not answer 6 WITHOUT MUCH THOUGHT!!
8- I have faith that not only will you get to the heart of THIS problem, but your solution will be the RIGHT one

talaniman

Forgive the numbers!

jduke44

I agree with the Captain. I think that is terrible of her to dump the kids on you like that. Not to straddle the fence but I also agree with talaniman that it must have been hard for her to leave them. She is feeling stressed but it still doesn't give her the right to do this. God must know what he is doing to have her leave the kids with you. Keep the thought of caring about your sister-in-law but not to the point that she walks all over you. You've got your own family to care for and a 6 week old that needs you more than any of them right now (except your husband if you know what I mean) LOL. Keep us posted.

valinors_sorrow

She fits right in with my biological family Chava.... and I am so sorry, sweetie. How very very very desperate or unkind of her all around. One of those thousand nameless mental illnesses at work here, I bet. You all need to sort it out so the appropriate things can happen and those who need care, get it. And I trust you all will too.

Breath in, breathe out. (hugs)

orange

Thanks talaniman and jduke (oh and val too... we must have posted at the same time!). I think I'm done venting / being angry. Ugh I'm just too exhausted. Alex and I were up half the night alternately with the baby and with crying kids. Then I got up early to make breakfast for the brood, and had to go on a big shopping spree with kids in tow while my mom stayed home to clean up the huge mess. Then took the kids to McDonalds for lunch, mostly for the indoor play structure and a rest for me. We stayed there for nearly 90 minutes... longest I've ever been in a McDonalds! I kept ordering coffee so they wouldn't kick us out, lol. Came home, and banished the kids to the backyard, where they proceeded to get very muddy and started throwing rocks. Sigh. Then back inside again, where my mom and I had to bathe the kids, bathe the 2 dogs who also got muddy, do laundry, and clean up the huge mud trail. Now they are all thankfully having "quiet time".

The RCMP have not found my sister-in-law yet, but it hasn't been very long. Still, we're feeling quite worried and anxious about her. When I unpacked the children's things I found that Debbie had packed their birth certificates, medical records, all their important papers, etc... which indicates to me that she plans on being away a while. We have also not been able to get a hold of the children's father yet, but no big surprise there.

I did speak to Alex's parents (Debbie is their daughter), and they are frantic. I guess Debbie totally moved out of the place she was living in, and her phone number is disconnected. They told me that Debbie had been acting strange lately, too. Like sick strange, and they were worried about her and the children... but very relieved that the kids are with me and Alex. Yeah... good ol' Chava and Alex! Bleah.

DrJ

Wow... quite a story... sounds like a movie or something. I wish I had the words to console here but I dont. Thats quite a handful and now you have to put your life on hold.

The sad thing is that even if you do find her, is she even fit to take care of her kids at all? You may want to be thinking long term here just in case.

orange

Sigh... yeah my whole life's a movie it seems! Thanks for the rep, wish I could reciprocate, but I've given out too much rep again. And yes, we have to think about what's going to happen longterm. Debbie, if and when they find her, may need psychiatric help, so it's hard to say what's going to become of the kids.