The New Girl, how to get along with the other women?

Illusion · Jan 24, 2009, 01:50 AM

Oh geez - people at work can be difficult. I mean, you are new at the job, are learning quickly and working at it - and the people that are supposed to be training you are not supportive of your efforts. Geez, what else do they want - could it be that you are competent and able, committed - just the kind of person that does a great job - and are a threat to people that 1) are not as qualified as you, 2) just don't have the qualities that you exhibit (such as drive, focus, etc.).

Stay calm but point out what you would like - "If you could please talk with me first before making a complaint so that I have a chance to correct the problem". You may need to write a letter indicating that you are new and would like to be successful - but that you feel you are not being given the support you need. I recently had to work on a project with another person who decided that she had to blast me for decisions I had made; without even discussing it with me she called my bosses and scheduled a meeting. I had to sit and listen to her complaints and criticism - she was harsh. It hurt me terribly - but I knew that I did not agree with her. I was calm despite the storm. It took me a few days but I wrote a letter to our Region Director about the situation. I included that I felt hurt and betrayed. I am human and I cannot stop being human so that needed to be said. Guess what? The Region Director agreed with me - and my ideas. This woman not only backed off - she apologized to me and sounded frightened when she spoke to me. And I am not scary at all - I am actually a really nice person.

I do not like this woman - nor will we ever be friends. She tries so hard to pretend that she knows it all - but she knows I stood up to her and her stupid ideas. But not just that, what she did really hurt - and hey, that was not all right. Most of all, you need to know that you are doing your job, and you are doing it well. Stay real and honest - ask for a meeting with the big boss if you need to - even if it's just to say you need to let them know what you need and hear you out. It can be hard to be the loner - and you may need to because you need to protect yourself. Just be ready when the time comes to state your ideas - and include yourself while your at it. Take care.

spanglish30 · Jan 24, 2009, 09:44 PM

Ohhhhhh I feel you all the way 100%! I work with all women.It's hard sometimes.
First thing first-You need a good long talk with your boss.It's her job to manage the office.I think if she hears what's on your mind(if she already hasn't figured it out)But this talk need to come from you.Explain how long you have been in this field and how much you enjoy what you do.If you go to your boss and talk to her,she may respect you a lot for that.remember that people cannot read each others minds.
Some of the petty stuff-Let It Go! Someone starts gossiping or back biting go find something constructive to do.Like find something to clean or dust.(This trick works the best!)It makes you look busy and constructive with your time.Your boss will notice,too.Just kind of walk out of the room pretending your listening,but your bluffing them;because remember your busy cleaning,right? LOL it works so good.watch she'll try to follow you talking or she'll get the clue.Especially you do this trick enough times.
Basically,there will always be "stuff" between us women.there's no way around that one.
I hope some of these pointers can help you as they helped me at times.
But most of all,you have the experience in this field.Be confident.Show it!
GOOD LUK! SPANGLISH30

artlady · Jan 24, 2009, 09:55 PM

Oh... I have been there too. The number one reason I found out that I was not welcomed was because I did not get involved with the office nonsense and kept to myself for the most part.I did not gossip(that really made me an outcast)and I did not kiss anyone's butt either.

The above experts have given you excellent advice. I would only add,don't lower yourself to their catty level.Maintain your dignity and just look at it as a nine to five.

You can be friendly and kind and supportive while still being a professional who does not get into the catty nonsense.

Hold your head up and don't ever let them see you sweat.

dontknownuthin · Jan 26, 2009, 08:22 AM

First, accept any offered or required training, whether you need it or not, with a smile. If it's one on one, perhaps you could say, "would it be ok if I show you how I'm doing it, and you can correct me as we go along - I learn so much better by doing!" This will provide you the opportunity to both accept the extra help, and demonstrate that you already know the skill.

As for the other stuff, just be pleasant and pick your battles. Then make them count. If someone is rude to you blatantly, be as blatant in correcting them but also meticulously decent, respectful and appropriate. "Lois, I can see you don't care for me but I'd like to keep things professional, so please speak to me in a more appropriate tone".

You may find it would be worthwhile to continue looking because these are pretty petty people - perhaps not the funnest to work with.

Flyflyaway · Jan 26, 2009, 03:40 PM

UPDATE:

Thank you all for such wonderful and useful advice. I've always tried to live an honest life, real and down to earth. It's how I was raised. Since my last post I've followed most of the advice given and it works. It is hard to be the loner. Finally last week, a employee and I were talking, she used to work in this office, but only works here every few months, so this was my first time talking to her. She asked me, a lot about my background. I didn't indulge to much. Finally she told me, are this place is hard to work for. Its the busiest child lab in the city. They have a high turnover rate, usually not because of the work, because of the other employees make their stay here horrible. She then asked me, how do I like it here. I said, truthfully, I love my job here, but I'm not happy with the atmosphere. She left and I carried out my day. At the end of the day, my boss called me into her office. I just kept thinking, what did I do now? She says, are I hear your pretty unhappy here. I said yes A I am. She completely apologized. Told me that her and her boss are very satisfied with me and that I am an outstanding lab technician. (hehe...she didn't have to tell me that, I KNOW heheh..just kidding). I went on to tell her of the hostil work environment, she agrees 100%. Unfortunately this is what she told me, She says are, with an utterly honest look on her face......I've tried going above these women, only to find myself 2 seconds away from losing my job. She said if you want me to speak to them, I will. Just know a lot of them have higher connections that go way beyond myself.
I felt bad for a second when she told me that. But it is her JOB, she is all of our boss to go and find out what the hell is going on and how to correct it. Its now right what's going on, AT ALL. I don't care how long or short time you've been in the field. Everyone should be treated with respect. EVERYONE. Unfortunately, I know better. I know a lot of jobs out their that have this corruption in them. It isn't right or fair. I've heard the term, put it all on the little guy. I don't care what anyone says, its HAZING! I run around, work very hard and watch most of them sit and surf the net. I didn't mean for this to sound like I'm complaining, I've just seen this in almost every job I have had, only their was justice done. I don't see it comin anytime soon here. The main thing keeping me here, the pay is more then I've ever made and the benefits are wonderful, so basically the "recession" is keeping me here. I should be thankful I have a job and I am, I am soooooo thankful. So anymore advice would be great on how to handle it from here, knowing what I know now. Thank you all!

Flyflyaway · Jan 26, 2009, 03:42 PM

Your advice helped so much, thank you Spanglish!

Quote:

Originally Posted by spanglish30

Ohhhhhh I feel you all the way 100%! I work with all women.It's hard sometimes.
First thing first-You need a good long talk with your boss.It's her job to manage the office.I think if she hears what's on your mind(if she already hasn't figured it out)But this talk need to come from you.Explain how long you have been in this field and how much you enjoy what you do.If you go to your boss and talk to her,she may respect you a lot for that.remember that people cannot read each others minds.
Some of the petty stuff-Let It Go! Someone starts gossiping or back biting go find something constructive to do.Like find something to clean or dust.(This trick works the best!)It makes you look busy and constructive with your time.Your boss will notice,too.Just kind of walk out of the room pretending your listening,but your bluffing them;because remember your busy cleaning,right? LOL it works so good.watch she'll try to follow you talking or she'll get the clue.Especially you do this trick enough times.
Basically,there will always be "stuff" between us women.there's no way around that one.
I hope some of these pointers can help you as they helped me at times.
But most of all,you have the experience in this field.Be confident.Show it!
GOOD LUK! SPANGLISH30

Flyflyaway · Jan 26, 2009, 03:45 PM

I am new to the job, your right! Whatever happened to cutting the new guy some slack?haha....Illusion thank you so much for the advice!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illusion

Oh geez - people at work can be difficult. I mean, you are new at the job, are learning quickly and working at it - and the people that are supposed to be training you are not supportive of your efforts. Geez, what else do they want - could it be that you are competent and able, committed - just the kind of person that does a great job - and are a threat to people that 1) are not as qualified as you, 2) just don't have the qualities that you exhibit (such as drive, focus, etc.).

Stay calm but point out what you would like - "If you could please talk with me first before making a complaint so that I have a chance to correct the problem". You may need to write a letter indicating that you are new and would like to be successful - but that you feel you are not being given the support you need. I recently had to work on a project with another person who decided that she had to blast me for decisions I had made; without even discussing it with me she called my bosses and scheduled a meeting. I had to sit and listen to her complaints and criticism - she was harsh. It hurt me terribly - but I knew that I did not agree with her. I was calm despite the storm. It took me a few days but I wrote a letter to our Region Director about the situation. I included that I felt hurt and betrayed. I am human and I cannot stop being human so that needed to be said. Guess what? The Region Director agreed with me - and my ideas. This woman not only backed off - she apologized to me and sounded frightened when she spoke to me. And I am not scary at all - I am actually a really nice person.

I do not like this woman - nor will we ever be friends. She tries so hard to pretend that she knows it all - but she knows I stood up to her and her stupid ideas. But not just that, what she did really hurt - and hey, that was not all right. Most of all, you need to know that you are doing your job, and you are doing it well. Stay real and honest - ask for a meeting with the big boss if you need to - even if it's just to say you need to let them know what you need and hear you out. It can be hard to be the loner - and you may need to because you need to protect yourself. Just be ready when the time comes to state your ideas - and include yourself while your at it. Take care.

Flyflyaway · Jan 26, 2009, 03:47 PM

Never let them see you sweat, I have learned something and that is one I got down pat! I am the loner, the outcast....it may change, it may not, trying to live with myself during is the tricky part. Thank you for your sound advice!

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

Oh... I have been there too. The number one reason I found out that I was not welcomed was because I did not get involved with the office nonsense and kept to myself for the most part.I did not gossip(that really made me an outcast)and I did not kiss anyone's butt either.

The above experts have given you excellent advice. I would only add,don't lower yourself to their catty level.Maintain your dignity and just look at it as a nine to five.

You can be friendly and kind and supportive while still being a professional who does not get into the catty nonsense.

Hold your head up and don't ever let them see you sweat.

Flyflyaway · Jan 26, 2009, 03:50 PM

Absolutely wonderful advice! Your screename does not fit you, because you just gave me some amazing advice, thank you so much for taking the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

First, accept any offered or required training, whether you need it or not, with a smile. If it's one on one, perhaps you could say, "would it be ok if I show you how I'm doing it, and you can correct me as we go along - I learn so much better by doing!" This will provide you the opportunity to both accept the extra help, and demonstrate that you already know the skill.

As for the other stuff, just be pleasant and pick your battles. Then make them count. If someone is rude to you blatantly, be as blatant in correcting them but also meticulously decent, respectful and appropriate. "Lois, I can see you don't care for me but I'd like to keep things professional, so please speak to me in a more appropriate tone".

You may find it would be worthwhile to continue looking because these are pretty petty people - perhaps not the funnest to work with.

The New Girl, how to get along with the other women?

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