My husband and I are trying to find a good place to settle with our 2 small children, and we each have pretty different views on the subject, so it looks like some compromise is needed.

I come from Australia, and have family there, and although my family are spread out and we didn't get to see them more than a few times a year, I loved those times very much, and I miss them a lot.

My husband comes from Hawaii, and moved to Australia for 8 years when we first go married. We always talked about living in Hawaii, and I was always open to the idea, but now we are here we are struggling sooooo much, and I just wonder if it is not meant to be. His parents still live here, but his brother and sister moved to California (sister is married with 2 small kids).

So we are finding things really tough here. We both work, but money is not plentiful. We are currently living with my parents-in-law, which is very generous, but also very difficult - it is a bit like being a teenager all over again! And then add in 2 toddlers! It gets a bit nuts.

We both made good money in Australia, but times like Thanksgiving etc my hubby would get really sad and feel like something huge was missing (which it was, of course). We had good friends there, but somehow life was so busy and we felt that getting time to see them was a huge laborious epic, so we didn't make that effort as much as we should have.

So we moved. But to me, it seems no better, and in many ways worse. We are still struggling financially, not going so great with jobs, no independence, and I just wonder should we go back or press on. My husband gets frustrated even talking about it, and is annoyed with me for wanting to quit after just 1 year, but I am just exhausted and want stability for my 2 small children and a home that is affordable. I am tired of living in expensive shoeboxes!!! Or worse, leaning on relatives for help.

We still own a 2 bedroom flat in Australia - yes we have outgrown it, but it is something at least. We could sell it, and use the down payment to buy something small and horrible here, and it would be better than renting, but I'm scared to commit to living here when I don't really like it much yet, and am unsure about calling it 'home' in a long-term way. I feel bad that I am not liking it here. I feel like I'm being unfair on my husband, who stayed in Australia for 8 years despite missing his 'home'.

Help!

nikosmom

So you're currently in Hawaii or California?

Both are nice places (I've heard) but very expensive to live. I do have a friend that lives in Hawaii and she's actually planning to move back to the mainland someday because it's so expensive in HI (she came here for college).

Perhaps certain parts of California aren't so expensive; depends on which area you're comparing. I agree that stability is very important for children so I would suggest to start looking at a small suburb in Cali as a starting place and that way he'll be close to his sister and not incredibly far from his parents. If you find something you like, look into selling your home in Australia to use for the downpayment.

mouse-girl

We're in Hawaii just now, but we do have family in California (or Australia)

nikosmom

Have you checked out any places in California?

mouse-girl

We've been to San Jose once, but I didn't like it enormously. I like San Francisco, but not sure where I would want to live if we were there.

I would like somewhere that is affordable and has reasonable job prospects (I know that last one seems a big ask these days!)

asking

Where do your sister-in law and brother in law live? I kind of agree that it's worth considering moving to be near them. It's a compromise that might appeal to your husband. Of course, California's economy is not greatest right now, so it wouldn't necessarily be easy to get jobs. We have high unemployment, but most places do...And some parts of the state are still really expensive to live in. But your husband could have family and you might not be suffocated by 24/7 contact with your parents in law. You could search for an area with good schools. There are websites that rate schools.

Also, have you considered a house swap with someone who wants to live in Australia for a couple of years? That might be cheaper than buying and selling a house and gives you the option to go back. That might feel safer to you, and so easier to try still another place. I think California is pretty different from Hawaii. I live in Northern California, but I have friends from Hawaii.

mouse-girl

Thanks for the suggestion - that is a pretty good one to kick around for a bit, I think. We have talked about moving to CA on and off over the years, so maybe we will give it some harder thought.

The economy is a consideration, but hopefully that will pick up again a bit in the next year or 2.

mouse-girl

Oops, I forgot to say my sister-in-law lives in San Jose.

asking

The median price for a (non-luxury) condo in Santa Clara County (San Jose-ish) is currently about $340,000. In Contra Costa County (more towards Berkeley), the median price for a basic condo is $250,000.

mouse-girl

Thanks Asking, that is helpful to know