[Ineedhelpp]

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a little over 3 months now and I don't think I really love him anymore. He's my best friends brother and when ever I go over and I want to hang out with my best friend he gets mad and yells at her when I leave. I feel really bad because I was friends with her first so of course I'm going to still hang out with her. He wants to hang out everyday and I make up excuses because I think we hang out WAY too much... He also texts me ALL the time and it's really annoying. I feel like I'm the boy in the relationship because he is way too clingy and annoying. What do I do?

[Wondergirl]

How old are you and he? 13? 17? 20?

Three months isn't very long, but, of course, if you dump him, how will he handle it and how will he treat his sister?

[Ineedhelpp]

I'm 15 he's 17. And I've known him for over 2 years thoughh and we've gotten really close. He has anger issues so I'm kind of scared to find out...

[Wondergirl]

So you are going to continue to be his girlfriend, even though you don't want to, because you are afraid of him.

[talaniman]

You are not feeling it for him for whatever reason so just end it.

[sarahtara]

Hey, girl. For what it's worth coming from a complete stranger, I hope you're doing all right and I hope you are having happy holidays!

First and foremost, talk with your best friends and your mom about this. They know you better than me, and you'll probably take their advice more seriously, too. That being said, my name is Sarah, 21 years old with a few relationships under my belt. If you'd like, I'll give you what help I can. :)


The Question: Did I fall out of love with my boyfriend?

Problems You See: The guy doesn't like you to hang out with your best friend instead of him. He likes to hang out with you and text you a lot, and you want to do other things. He also has "anger issues."

The Real Problem: Sure, it's easy to write this guy as a scumbag, but that's not true. You liked him for a reason, right? When we're upset, us girls tend to make the guy a bastard and dump him straight away. But we'll never know the problem that way, or how to handle it if it comes back again with a new boy.

At any point you can tell me I'm wrong, but I see a much bigger problem here than you're letting on: lack of communication. Here's the dish:

Boyfriends are not like the ones in the movies. Most girls don't understand: most guys are not taught how to date girls. They do not watch romantic movies (many not even Disney movies!), and they do not read dating guides. They're clueless. In fact, you're waaay ahead of most guys in the dating department already. But guess what? They can learn!

Love is what you make of it. You don't like the way you're relationship is, right? The good news is, you can change it! Think about what you want, and tell your boyfriend about it. Tell him you want your personal space. Tell him what's bugging you. If he doesn't know there's a problem, how is he supposed to fix it? If he's a good guy, he'll listen and work the problem out with you. Voilà. No more secrets, no more excuses, and no more keeping your feelings to yourself. And you get a better relationship to boot.

The Quick Answer If he's still a pretty good guy, ask him to meet you and talk about how you don't like his clinginess and how you want to hang out with your friends. If he's a good boyfriend, he'll listen and you can work it out. If he's a bad boyfriend, he won't listen and won't want to change. If he doesn't want to change or gets mad at you, that is the PERFECT sign to break up with him right on the spot.

Steps to Find Out if He is Right for You :

1. Take a step back and breathe. Forget the situation and just focus on yourself for a second.

2. Get out a piece of paper and a pencil.

3. Write what you want out of the relationship (be realistic... a guy's not going to bring you diamonds and expensive chocolates for a few years yet). What kind of guy would suit your personality best? Do you want a guy to hang out with a lot and have fun, a guy who's independent with his own friends and hobbies, or a guy who hangs on your every word?

4. Write down 4 words: Honesty, Understanding, Trust, and Communication. This is what EVERY good relationship has. Read my descriptions, and check the words off if your relationship has them.
Honesty—your "excuses" not to see him are an example of LACK of honesty. You can tell him anything.
Understanding— You must always ask about his point of view so you understand the situation better. Trust— You must not jump to conclusions or immediately call your boyfriend the "bad guy." There are two sides to every story.
Communication Talk to him, often, about what makes him and you happy, and how you two can improve the relationship.


5. Think about how your boyfriend fits into your list of an "ideal" relationship. Is he compassionate? Kind? Selfish? Obsessed with video games? Does he care about you? Most guys can't be everything you'd ever dream of, but if he has about 80% of the qualities you want, you can teach him the other 20% with time and communication.

6. If the guy fits pretty well, meet with him in person and talk about what you don't like about the relationship. He should listen. Be sure to talk about what you do like, too, so he knows what he is doing right! (Positivity is always good, too. :D) If he has any complaints, you should listen to those as well. You're still talking to a friend, after all. It shouldn't be a drill session.

7. If he listens, work on the relationship. Regularly do steps 1-6 (once every 2 weeks to 1 month)to keep the relationship dynamic and growing. If he doesn't listen, doesn't change within a few weeks, yells at you, cries, threatens, hurts you, or is genuinely nasty, you'll know it is time to move on.

8. Remember that you deserve someone great... and he IS out there, so don't settle for less!



Good luck in all you do! Happy journeys!

~Sarah

[Homegirl 50]

I'd say you were not as in to him as he is you and the fact that he gets angry when you talk to his sister does not speak well for his maturity.
If you don't care for him, break up with him. You don't owe him anything.
You can see his sister at your house.