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Sudhaomana · Jul 25, 2009, 04:37 AM

My husband is working in another country and comes home once in a year for 30days. He can’t take me to his work place. Last eight years I am leaving like this and one year back incidentally one person has come to my life and he become my BF and we have all type of relations now. I am very happy with him mentally and physically and he is a nice person. He is married and separated due to some reason. There is a clear understanding with my BF this relation should not have any problem with my family life with my husband. I and my husband love very much and when he comes to home he make my life to heaven. I need to do sex continuisly for that I keep the relation with my BF. Now I feel guilty for the relation with BF but I am not able to control myself and my BF is insisting to continue and he says this the time to enjoy. What I have to do in this situation? Please note any circumstance I can’t leave my husband and he will not leave me even he comes to know the relationship with my BF.

N0help4u · Jul 25, 2009, 04:50 AM

You need to be fair to your husband and choose one OR the other. I think you have already made your decision because
you can not control yourself + your husband is NEVER around for you= your boyfriend
so for whatever reasons you are hanging onto your husband I would say it is time to cut the ties and let him loose.
I don't know why you CAN'T leave your husband but I think that it doesn't make sense to stay married to him when your not together with him anyway.
From your post it doesn't sound like either one of them care about the other being in your life so it makes more sense to marry the other guy and cheat on him with your husband once a year than to cheat on your husband with somebody you spend way more time with anyway.
Not that I am suggesting that but it makes as much sense if not more than the situation you have yourself in now.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2009, 05:35 AM

8 years is a long time to be away from each other as a married couple, except for 30 days a year. That's like not being married.

But I 'm not buying your need for sex, but I will recognize your need for companions, and friends, but that's good clean fun. I think if you directed yourself toward something like work, or another outlet for your sexual tensions, that was both productive, and fun, you may be able to leave your boyfriend alone.

Talk to your husband, as I think the fact your cheating behind his back, isn't a good thing. That's something for you both to resolve. I can't see a job being that worth it. Not for me anyway.

That has to be a lot of pressure on you both. How long is this going to continue, and why can't you both get a better plan for the future?

Sudhaomana · Jul 25, 2009, 06:35 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

8 years is a long time to be away from each other as a married couple, except for 30 days a year. Thats like not being married.

But I 'm not buying your need for sex, but I will recognize your need for companions, and friends, but thats good clean fun. I think if you directed yourself toward something like work, or another outlet for your sexual tensions, that was both productive, and fun, you may be able to leave your boyfriend alone.

Talk to your husband, as I think the fact your cheating behind his back, isn't a good thing. Thats something for you both to resolve. I can't see a job being that worth it. Not for me anyway.

That has to be a lot of pressure on you both. How long is this going to continue, and why can't you both get a better plan for the future?

We are couples last 15 years and initially 7 years we were together in our country. We have one daughter of 14 years. So due to our culture and commitment to my family I can not leave my husband.

N0help4u · Jul 25, 2009, 06:39 AM

Usually countries that do not approve divorce do not approve affairs any more than they do divorcing.
You need to find a solution this is not fair to any of you.

liz28 · Jul 25, 2009, 07:27 AM

Let me make sure I got this right. You love your husband but you cheats on him. You feel remorseful but you don't want to stop. Then to top it off you can't get a divorce due to your culture and wouldn't want one anyway. Did I get it right?

What does your culture say about 2 married people having an affair with one another?

Also, was you aware of your husband job before you married him? What do you think will happen once the married man wife finds out? You and this guy are only using each other for sex and you can stop if you wanted to.

N0help4u · Jul 25, 2009, 07:47 AM

She said they (her and her husband) are so in love that he will not care.

Rufftimes · Jul 25, 2009, 02:39 PM

I feel that you are entitle to happiness. But you are avoiding the truth and whether you like it or not you are a two face (Liar)to your culture. Your culture forbids and you are putting this picture of respect but are you true to your culture? Do they know that you cheat on husband? I don't thinks so. If you want peace, break the bondage of lies and talk to your husband an give him a chance to respond to a solution. Don't you think he at least deserves and oppurtunity.

Sudhaomana · Jul 26, 2009, 05:00 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

Let me make sure I got this right. You love your husband but you cheats on him. You feel remorseful but you don't want to stop. Then to top it off you can't get a divorce due to your culture and wouldn't want one anyway. Did I get it right?

What does your culture say about 2 married people having an affair with one another?

Also, was you aware of your husband job before you married him? What do you think will happen once the married man wife finds out? You and this guy are only using eachother for sex and you can stop if you wanted to.

Some people live with two husband in our place but most they are brothers. My BF is a separated from his wife. My sexual affair is once or twice in a month only. Any way I need to keep it continue.

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 26, 2009, 05:07 AM

You have made up your mind, why come here and ask for advice if you have no intention on listing to us.

liz28 · Jul 26, 2009, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by Sudhaomana

Some people live with two husband in our place but most they are brothers. My BF is a separated from his wife. My sexual affair is once or twice in a month only. Any way I need to keep it continue.

You don't have 2 husbands you only have one. How can this guy be your boyfriend if your married? This guy is someone your having an affair with regardless the of the number times you and him have sex per month.

Remember you came on here for help but you really didn't want it. This is your life but remember what is done in the dark will come to light. And karma will deal with the two of you. Have fun!

talaniman · Jul 26, 2009, 07:05 AM

So I guess you look around, and see what others do, and that makes it okay? So exactly what are you looking for? What's your question? You have already justified your behavior, so did you expect us to justify it too? You may have found a way around your own traditions and rules, that's your choice but I for one, can understand it, but no way do I condone your solution to your problem.

s_cianci · Jul 26, 2009, 07:19 AM

You've opened quite a can of worms here. Granted, you're not in an ideal marriage, only seeing your husband for 30 days out of every year ; that's really not much of a marriage at all. But you were aware of that when you married him so now you bear the responsibility for the consequences of your decision. That said, nothing rationalizes this affair you're having with this other BF. You can't go on like this ; it's going to come back to haunt you. You say your husband won't leave you even if he becomes aware of this other BF. I'd like to know just how would he react? Perhaps become violent? Towards you and/or him? Frankly I'd just cut it all off with the BF, no matter how much it hurts. You're married and that's that.

winding200 · Jul 27, 2009, 06:51 AM

It is the worst crap I ever heard in my life.
Listen up, lady.

1) Every culture in this earth strongly recommend to maintain 'legitimate marriage' for life time no matter what happens. Didn't you know it when you get married? It does not mean that you pretend to keep the marriage, but sleep with another man behind of your husband. If you respect your culture that much, why do you sleep with another man continuously?

2) Beyond culture & law, whatever, 'decent human beings' have to have decent sex moral. If you are old enough to have sex, you should have some ground rules. You cannot sleep with two men for your convenience and justify your behavior with culture crap and sexual desire. You are nothing but typical cheater.

3) What you are doing is worse than divorce. When you slept with the man first time, you ALREADY BROKE the marriage it does not matter nobody knows about it or not. Even worse, you are planning to keep doing it. It does not matter you cheat once a month or once a day. You are nothing but brainless cheater. Decent people choose to divorce when they cannot keep the promise or broke the commitment for somehow. Did you get it?

Here is the fix.
1) Regain the decency as a wife and mother for good's sake. Look hard and realize what was wrong with you.
2) Get rid of the useless sex toy guy as of today not tomorrow. There are so many high tech sex toys you can order online if you are so desperate. You can use it as many times as you want. There is no monthly usage limitation.
3) Confess your affair to your husband. Talk to your husband to make a plan to live together as normal family. I guess it is his job related, but he is partially responsible because this arrangement is not normal. He will be alarmed and take actions if he is a decent human being. There is NO such a thing you have to live separately forever in this earth. If there is will, there is a way.

Let me ask you questions. Did your culture ask you to post your affair to world wide web? Did you expect support from here to encourage to continue the monthly sex affair? Have you ever secretly feel luck you could have 2 men in your life in this setting?
Think about the meaning & goal of the marriage.

Rufftimes · Aug 7, 2009, 08:37 PM

Originally Posted by winding200

It is the worst crap I ever heard in my life.
Listen up, lady.

1) Every culture in this earth strongly recommend to maintain 'legitimate marriage' for life time no matter what happens. Didn't you know it when you get married? It does not mean that you pretend to keep the marriage, but sleep with another man behind of your husband. If you respect your culture that much, why do you sleep with another man continuously?

2) Beyond culture & law, whatever, 'decent human beings' have to have decent sex moral. If you are old enough to have sex, you should have some ground rules. You cannot sleep with two men for your convenience and justify your behavior with culture crap and sexual desire. You are nothing but typical cheater.

3) What you are doing is worse than divorce. When you slept with the man first time, you ALREADY BROKE the marriage it does not matter nobody knows about it or not. Even worse, you are planning to keep doing it. It does not matter you cheat once a month or once a day. You are nothing but brainless cheater. Decent people choose to divorce when they cannot keep the promise or broke the commitment for somehow. Did you get it?

Here is the fix.
1) Regain the decency as a wife and mother for good's sake. Look hard and realize what was wrong with you.
2) Get rid of the useless sex toy guy as of today not tomorrow. There are so many high tech sex toys you can order online if you are so desperate. You can use it as many times as you want. There is no monthly usage limitation.
3) Confess your affair to your husband. Talk to your husband to make a plan to live together as normal family. I guess it is his job related, but he is partially responsible because this arrangement is not normal. He will be alarmed and take actions if he is a decent human being. There is NO such a thing you have to live separately forever in this earth. If there is will, there is a way.

Let me ask you questions. Did your culture ask you to post your affair to world wide web? Did you expect support from here to encourage to continue the monthly sex affair? Have you ever secretly feel luck you could have 2 men in your life in this setting?
Think about the meaning & goal of the marriage.

I totally agree my brother and you can't be more transparent that this...

Justwantfair · Aug 7, 2009, 09:41 PM

Culturely wrong - divorce
Morally wrong - husband + boyfriend

If it is culturely wrong for a divorce then you can't fix that, but you can fix your morally wrong behavior.