Everyday, all day, I just think about taking a razor and just slicing myself. I hate myself, I hate life. I disgust myself, I can't even look in a mirror without wanting to smash it to pieces anymore... I feel that I deserve pain, I don't want to tell anyone because I just feel like a burden and that I'm wasting their time. Would people even miss me? Somehow I doubt it...

Okay. Come over here to my kitchen table. Sit down. Here's a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies -- just made them this morning. Do you want a glass of milk with them? Ah, good! Here you go! Cold milk. Cookies and milk -- nothing better than that. In fact, I'll pour myself a glass too and take a few cookies.

Now, let me get settled in my chair. Tell me what's going on that you want to cut yourself. Are you mad at yourself or someone else? What's frustrating you? School? Home life? Sibs? Parents?

I actually went and got a glass of milk...

I'm just so, angry, all the time at other people but mostly myself for just existing. I feel like such a failure, anything I do just doesn't work, or it does and is beaten by someone else... I'm also really sensitive when people insult me about anything, even if it's meant as a joke I'll still feel low after they've said it. I've also had various plans of suicide but never gone through with them... I was also in intensive care once and someone said to me that it was a shame I didn't die in there, I think that too... 50/50 chance to live or die and I got the other half...

Tell me two GOOD things about your life.

I have friends who live less than a minutes walk away from my house and I would say family but they're the ones who "Blessed" me with this curse called life...

Favorite school subject?

Do you have a pet?

I'm in college now but I suppose it'd have to have been music and I have a dog

Tom, been there done that... believe me when I know the misery you are feeling. While being accepted by people is something we do all want to a degree... some of the happiest people I have ever met are the ones that have learned to accept themselves.. even if others haven't really. We only get one chance at this thing called life and it's up to nobody but ourselves to make it what it can be. Is there anything specific that seems to be going so bad?

I have a lot of questions too but will let Wondergirl do her magic.

Tell me more about the music. Do you play an instrument? Have you had music history and music appreciation? Are you in a band?

(After we talk about this, I'll ask about the dog. Hee hee)

Uh oh. Now I have competition for your attention, Tom. (And I was just getting started... )

I sing but that's about it, I was in a band but got kicked out, even though I was the one who brought the band together (Musical differences)... I got a C in my GCSE so I suppose I didn't do bad...

hauntinghelper - It's just difficult to feel happy at all anymore...

Nah it's fine I'm focused on your replies mostly

Tell me -- are you tenor or bass?

Hmmmmm I would say tenor

Why kicked out? What happened?

What kind of band? Punk? Alternative? Rock? Metal? (Can you tell? I have two sons... )

They were all into like Bon Jovi, The Kinks, Boston and other bands like that whereas I was more into metal and awesome, how old are they?

My sons are 36 and 40 now, but they have trained me well.

So you got kicked out because you didn't sing the "same song" as the other band members.

Did you watch American Idol and see James Durbin perform? Now that guy could perform metal!

I can see that haha... Anyway I need to get to bed now, got College tomorrow. Thank you for your help!

Please come back and I'll ask more questions. (I do have more. You're an interesting guy.)

Sleep well!