i'm old and still stupid. well 20. Recently i cant seem to deal with anything and i get so depressed and sad at times. Unhappy with appearance (weight) dont know how it came to this, feel used by men. Had friend with benefits hoped it would develop into relationship but he just wants sex.When i'm hurt and confused, i started cutting. First time i cut my wrist and it felt good to see blood and then pain while it was healing. unfortunatly family and friends started asking questions. Just now cut leg since its not that visible and felt good to see all the blood. I'm afraid i will get addicted to the good feeling and i cant afford to develop another addiction! I just want to hear your honest opinion, since i have no one else to ask.
THank You in advance, Wishing you all the best Always

Fr_Chuck

Get a real life help, fast, This is a sign of serious problems. No one here is qualified to help you online.

First heck in real life 20 is still a kid, sorry I know you think you are grown but as the 30, the 40, and the 50 come and go, 20 will only be a silly memory.

and so you don't like your weight, but is it really bad, or do you just think it is bad. ( and never forget there is an entire group of men that only like heavy women) but if you don't like your weight, get up a 1/2 early each morning and start walking or jogging.

And so you are sleeping with someone who turns out not to care for you, we all ( well most of us anyway, have been there, I was on both sides of that situtation more than once as a young man, and heck in the 60's we may not have always known the other persons name.

And if you think it feels good, you are getting addicted, get help please, a local minister, a local counsler or someone. please

pumibel

The cutting is to release a lot of pain that you have stored inside. You think it will release the pressure like the blood is being released. It is almost a physical manifestation of what is going on in your mind and heart. It won't end after one or two cuts. you will keep doing it, so take Fr Chuck's advice and seek help. You should get therapy to let all of that pain out because you don't deserve to go through this. When someone starts to harm themselves, it is at a very late stage of emotional problems- you have been going through this for some time and resisted discussing it with anyone. Now is the time to take action.

Stay away from men until you are better. If you are not going to treat yourself well, they won't either. You can't have a healthy relationship in the state you are in right now. I really hope you find help. If you need help searching for care, send me a private message, PLEASE!

bluerose

ConfusedDesire,

Careful. May trigger.

When I was in my twenties (I call it my terrible twenties), I was going through some stuff and I cut myself a few time.

Please think ahead. Think about being in your wedding dress or a nice evening gown or a nice swimsuit when you've lost the weight. You will see the scars, and may have to explain to others on and off all your life why they are there. You may have to relive your story over and over. Do you want to do that? Stop cutting your body, stop making scars that will be with you for the rest of your life. A constant reminder of a very sad time. Move on, sweetie, you don't need this.

I used a little trick, I don't know if it will work for you, but it might be worth trying. When you are not feeling so good put a rubber band on your wrist and when you really can't fight the urge to cut snap the rubber band real hard against your wrist. And if you really need to see the red stuff try using a red marker pen along the band so that when you snap it leaves a red mark across your wrist. This worked for me in the 70s, I hope it works for you and that you don't think it's too silly.

Now on the other hand, if you really must cut make sure you use clean scalps and clean and dress the wounds carefully. Some people might be shocked at me saying that but I know what it's like to NEED to CUT. If you must do it use clean stuff. One more thing. Be careful. A lot of suicides are accidents from people cutting too deep.

AKaeTrue

You've gotten some really good words of wisdom and some nice inspiration for the future...
I do hope you take the advise of this forum and seek help.
Give the rubber band a try, chances are it's going to hurt - real bad...
I'm not familiar with how you should go about approaching a minister or a priest in this situation. I would assume you'd just ask to speak with them and then spill it all out. Fr chuck can much better advise you on that. Believing and putting your faith in god and believing good things will happen for you because of your good faith is always a positive way to start the healing process.
I don't know what resources you have where you live, but in my city we have a community center that provides all kinds of stuff for young adults (troubled young adults included). One program is a healing arts class (which I volunteer for). People of all ages learn to express their pent up feelings by drawing, painting and carving. The people who choose to stay with the program actually see results as their focus is being redirected in their artwork. Not all the work is "pretty" and it's not intended to be. It's intended to release whats bothering you in a more focused mannerism.
You could try popping the rubber band and use a red marker/paint/crayon/what ever to draw the slashes on paper.
If you look back at it and view it as silly or stupid...then what does that tell you about your actions done to your body??? You can easily throw the paper away and take the rubber band off, but scars remain for a life time.
Please, please work on changing this body mutilation. Care about yourself better than all the others did. You don't like that they hurt you, so don't except you hurting you. Do things to make yourself feel better, not worse...
OK, give it a try... You'll feel better soon...
Kae

sallgood

Hey, listen...i turned 20 yesterday. i have been suffering from self destructive behaviors since i was in 10th grade...thats 15! If you start it may never go away...and you cant avoid it...you cant ever get rid of all sharp objects. It is one of the hardest thign si have ever had to deal with...and let me tell you...a month ago my bf dumped me and my mom and i got into a huge fight because i had to take my 10th trip to the er to get stitches. I cut my leg and my arm, and now the scars are disgusting and embarassing. I want to stop...a large part of me wants to stop, but another small part of me wants to keep doing it. Its not soemthign you can want to do for other people you haev to want to do it yourself. I go through 4 month phases where i will be fine, adn then one day it jsut comes back and hits me liek a wall. I did it this weekend, i cried, it broke my own heart and i cant go to anyone because there is so much dissapointment at this point. please! i tell you all of this beause it is almsot worse than alcoholism or any other addiction...you will always have thoes scars! i go to therapy and i have for a while...its not the actual cutting that i go for...but the underlying problem...which there usually is. and despite waht you think...it is not somethign you can control, and it becomes an ocd and an obsession. in reality you are out of control...and it is the hardest thing to admit...even knowing all of this i still struggle. get help, dont ruin your life like i have...its hard to climb back up...we arent in 7th grade and we cant fall back on mom and dad...we have to grow up now...and we have to keep ourselvs healthy! lastly, if you dont stop, i dont know how long this has been going on or how badly you cut...but you play with your life...30 stitches becasue you had a bad night is not somethign to be proud of...sorry this was so long, i jsut dont liek to see people in my place...good luck and feel better...things arent always as bad as they seem!

shesinlove

eh...cutting ...i relaized it doesnt take the pain away i use to do it..but than stopped it aint the answer it makes you have physical pain and at first it does feel good..but soon its going to get old its hurts and it also leaves scars ask me ...i did it off and on for 3 years kinda crazy but i use to have so much pain and i meant a perfect guy who took pain away and if it wasnt for him and me relazing that it didnt help to cut i wouldnt be here.good luck on stopping....we have to get by life one day and step at a time..its okay girl to talk...but seirousally dont cut

jyaskingq

Cutting is usually something a girl will go through, at least for what I`ve heard. I used to cut myself and burn myself even though I`m a guy, I did it because I used to get depressed from feeling like I don`t see things like other people. I used to wear a lot of black because it made me feel separate from others. I started drifting away from people and the more I didn`t worry as much about what other people think. You seem to be going there a lot of the same things and I would like to learn more about you, maybe I`ll see you on sometime.

TheHouseIsMine

My daughter used to cut herself. She has had a very difficult life and at times been medicated, hospitalized, and some times it seemed that nothing would help. If you can just get yourself into the care of a therapist, even if you can see a medical doctor and let them know how much you need help, you would be doing yourself a huge favor. Cutting isn't good. My daughter was on so much and so many different medications over the years and we are convinced that they caused her to act in bizarre ways. There is always a way out that doesn't involve any kind of violence including hurting yourself. Tell someone what you're up to. Ask them to help you. If you have no one, go to the local hospital or a doctor's office and ask them to point you in the right direction.

KateBell88

If you feel good doing it you already have a problem. You need to see someone about it and get some medication for the depression - it's great, pop a pill and you feel good again. As for the body image problems there are tv shows that show "real" women eg. "How to look good naked" is great, seeing all of those "real girls" made me feel really good about my body because I realised that I have a better body than a lot of them and they all feel good about their bodies so I should too.

As for the friend with benefits - you're setting yourself up to be used. Don't have sex with guys if there is a possibility they don't want a relationship with you - always wait for the 3rd date at least, you deserve better.