I can't seem to let him go. How can I get passed the heartbreak? He left me for another woman and I'm angry, jealous, and I'm devastated at the loss. I feel like something is wrong with me, not because he left me but because I'm acting stupid by confronting him and her. By showing up where they are looking like a million bucks to make him jealous, because that worked last time we broke up. I'm 51 years old I shouldn't be acting like a dumb teenager, but I can't seem to stop myself. He's not even that good of a man, barely ever worked, he got ADD which drove me crazy most of the time. What is it that I can't seem to put this behind me.

I think it's the challenge that keeps you from letting him go. He is also enjoying your attention, but if he truly loves you he will come back. Love is free, let it go and if it belongs to you then it will always be yours!

I don't think it's losing him as such, that is making you feel and act crazy, I'd say it's more that yourself esteem has taken a battering, and your having the natural reaction of wanting him to hurt as much as you do.

The thing is, even if you could make him hurt as much as you are right now, that isn't going to fix your broken heart.

People like that don't change. He treated you badly, he will treat her badly, and so on, and son on. Every partner he goes through, will be the same ol' same ol'.

You need to start seeing this situation in a different light. Or at least a positive one.

For example. She has actually done you a huge favour. Although she is now stuck with the loser, you are now free and single to search for someone amazing. Someone who will treat you like the beautiful woman you are.

You quite obviously have deep emotions and feelings, because you are hurting so badly.

The love you have to give, shouldn't be wasted on someone who does not deserve it.

It's strange, but you won't actually see him getting upset by anything you do, until you are getting on with your life without him. Once he sees you have found a new Mr Wonderful and you are truly happy, he will not be able to help feeling that little bit unsettled.

Try not to use the situation to purely make him jealous. Use your energy to create your own inner happiness. Don't waste it on him.

Life is incredibly short. Use what precious time you have to surround yourself with positive happy people, and you will see life in a whole new light.

Make a conscious effort to push away any negatives, and attract any positives and things will start to change for you in a major way.

Try to occupy your mind with things other than him and her. They are what you should consider negatives. Push them away and replace the thoughts of them with something you feel positive about. This might be a hobby you love, a friend or relative you enjoy being around. Positives can consist of hundreds of different things.

A broken heart is one of the most painful emotions we will ever experience. My thoughts are with you.

A break up for any reason is painful.A break-up because someone has left you for another is crushing.

It destroys your confidence and feeling of self worth.

Is there a fear of being alone that is plaguing you as well?

Given your age you may feel that another chance at love is out of reach for you.
I am 54 so I know what women our age are concerned about.
The number one thing I hear from my single friends is * There are no good men out there my age*.Some of them have *settled* and are just comfortable with their mate.

Was that perhaps part of the attraction to the man who you state wasn't really that great? He was better than nothing ?

My friends who accept their singleness are happier and healthier than the ones who are worried about lonesomeness.

Alone and lonely are not synonymous. You can have a rich and full life without a man.

When you feel this rush of anger and frustration regarding your ex try to remember that your life is not over and wasting your emotion on him is counter productive.He deserves nothing,not even your wrath.

If you need to rant ,there are many here who share your pain and might I also suggest that you sign on as a member and help others with their issues.
When you are helping others it helps to take the focus off your own pain.
We also need more mature people to share their life experience.
Think about it,it may help more than you think.

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Originally Posted by artlady

When you are helping others it helps to take the focus off your own pain.

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I whole heartedly agree, and very rewarding

Basically you are addicted to him. Check out the Internet for articles on love addiction. I've been there, I know how hard it is to break this. You need to cut off all ties.
This is what I did; I suppose it was a kind of releasing ceremony. I packed up all his gifts,cards etc. into a large box; I remembered all the good times as I looked at the cards and photos and I cried (a lot!). I lit a candle and I said something like: "Ray, I thank you for all the good times we had and all the love we shared. It is now time for me to let you go. We are both free to live our lives the way we want to." At this point I blew out the candle and sealed the box up with parcel tape and put it on a high shelf in my garage where I couldn't see it. Probably mumbojumbo but I did feel a shift when I'd done it and from that day on I felt no compulsion to contact him or to stalk his movements. Don't throw the box away because like me a couple of years on you may want to look at the photo's and remember without the pain. Also there was some nice jewellery in there which I can now wear without any sentiment. Good Luck!:)

Well what can I say to add to the above comments. Addiction is something everyone goes through... You are addicted to the feeling of being loved and perhaps may have been slightly deluded. You have to ask yourself.. is this what you want your life with your man to be like,or do you deserve better? Heartache is one of the single most difficult things to 'get over'... but it isn't a matter of just getting over someone... a deep search of who you are and what you want is now foremost and you have to summon up the courage, determination and strength to find who you are and what it is you want. Make a list of all the things you would like to do to him... then after than, write down five things you as an dividual value about yourself... look at the values and marry them to the first list and if they don't match any of the five values, cross them off... Now write down some things you can do for yourself which are measurable and take action... Whether it's going to get a hug from a friend... well if that's the case write it down, and then go out and go to your friend's and get that hug... there... you've taken action. When we truly love, we normally have a pure heart for it is the heart that endures most... you deserve better but at this time you probably think he's the best thing for you because you feel as though he knows you... in the meantime you have both manipulated each other and that is not healthy. Go and live your life, give appreciation to everything you do have instead of thinking about what you don't have. Go and spread happiness to others because making others happy ultimately makes us humans happy knowing we have made someone else happy. When we focus on others' happiness, we get rewarded heaps.

You are a wonderful person... go and make some fun, live your life and get your mind off him for a week... do stuff you love to do for yourself or bury yourself in a really good romance novel... that always helps. Crying is good too... releasing those endorphins makes one feel much better.

You're not silly or stupid and you are not alone in your feelings or your attachment. Learn to let go of that attachment and you can bet your bottom dollar, you will feel much better.

I've been in the same situation recently and I am at peace knowing that I have love in my heart and that it is better to have loved than not loved at all...

**** I think I may be love addicted, I can't let go of this guy and I know he has a girlfriend. But it's just so hard because I felt like we had a connection. He has told me he has feelings for me and I don't know what to do. I think I need help to get over this, even though it's only been a week or two since I told him I like him so I don't know. I don't know if I'm patient enough to wait around and see what might happen between us. I feel so lost. I don't know what to do. He is always on my mind. Maybe it's because he makes me happy thinking about him and I'm afaid I might lose that if I let him go for good.

And to answer your question I know how it is, I guess regardless of his flaws you did see the good in him as well and that is what may have got you still attached to him and wanting to do those things to make him jealous. I know because I've done this several times trying to make a guy jealous, but then I guess we have to ask ourselves if he really wanted us we wouldn't have to do those things, well not to such great extent anyway, maybe a little jealousy making is good to test the waters. But I guess such is life when it comes to love. We can only hope there is someone better for us out there that is going to help us move on from past relationships.

These are very good posts, I came here myself looking for ways to clear the conflicting and painful thoughts out of my head. This is true

if he truly loves you he will come back. Love is free, let it go and if it belongs to you then it will always be yours!

[B]yourself esteem has taken a battering[B]

wasting your emotion on him is counter productive

This is what I did; I suppose it was a kind of releasing ceremony

You are addicted to the feeling of being loved and perhaps may have been slightly deluded

They are all true. I hurt and I hate it that I hurt. I hate it that I do not know what is happening and it is this uncertainty which eventually becomes the deciding factor. I hate it that I feel stupid, and yet I know people who have also been equally or even more stupid, so why do I feel judged and who is judging me, if not myself? A primordial scream is the sound I wish to make to express my feelings and may it go on and on and on till they are all cleared out.

Hi. I am new here feeling so sad even though we parted a year ago. We had been together for 14 years have 2 wonderful children and he has so far been OK with me. He recently told me he is seeing someone else and it has put me back to square one. I feel like I am losing all my hope and dignity and don't know where to turn??