My mother was taken to the hospital last week for planning to take her life. She was released from the hospital 2 days ago and is now 800 miles away from me - still depressed. I would like to help her but I am not sure what options I have to help...I don't know what kind of help is available. This is not the first time, she did this 2 years ago and almost suceeded. I need to know what I can do to help. Any feed back would be appreciated.
I'm not a doctor. My best friend went through the same issue a few years ago w/ her mother. Your mom needs your support. Suicide is a huge deal, even if she was unsuccessful it's still a cry for help. You can't force her to find/solve the root of the problem, take medicine or go to a doctor. Can you move her closer to you? Do you know why she's depressed? Is she taking medication or seeing a doctor? I truly feel for you and your mom. I was suicidal as a teenager and overdosed twice (12 years ago). I thought no one cared about me, that my life would never get better and that I was always going to feel that way. I was raped at 14 by my uncle, my boyfriend broke up w/ me, I started smoking pot and other girls at school talked about me, etc. I am not suicidal now, but I still get depressed and have some anxiety issues. Medicine helps and I know the signs of the onset of depression. My husband is supportive and sees the signs as well. I am ok, because I want to help myself. Your mom may not have the energy to fight. Please press hard to get her to help herself. I attended my friend's mom's funeral a few months ago. Good luck w/ your mom and I wish you the best of luck.
Love her and prayer for her. The rest is in her hands, she is responsible for her life, no one else. Where is your father and is he involved in your mother's recovery as I feel this is too heavy a burden for you to bear.
Know that there is nothing you can do to save her.
Her choices are her own and no matter what happens the responsibility is all hers. Children always try to put the blame on themselves. Life is hard on everyone, we all have to decide what we are going to do with that fact.
I tried to kill myself about 5 years ago. Why? Because I was selfish and only cared about myself. I could blame other people make excuses and wait for other people to rescue me... Or turn myself around and start caring for others as much as they cared for me.
Even if you can move closer to your mom, there isn't anything you could do. This is one of life's hardest lessons, we can't fix people - only ourselves.
If you have the opertunity, tel her how much you love her and how much she means to you and 'what would I do without you?" Make her see how important her life is to you, even if it's over the phone. And if it happens that there is nothing you can do, you have to know that it's not your fault. It never was your fault. It will never be your fault.
Suicide ideation is a common theme among people that feel they have no way out, no answer to their anguish. The pain is so great she feels overwhelmed and feels like ending her life. Your Mother needs to know that very few things cannot be resolved. Let her know that whatever has happened, there is a part of her that has never been hurt, has never been damaged - there is always a part of us that is whole and complete, no matter what has happened. Let her know that you love her and that you need her to be safe and alive.
What has happened that she is so depressed? Is she missing a loved one? Did she fail at something? Does she blame herself for something? Is she dealing with health problems? Let your Mother know that you are available to listen and comfort her. Make sure she is eating and sleeping enough. Not getting enough sleep when you are already depressed is really hard on the body - and mind.
If she is not working with a Therapist / Psychologist, that would be the first step. There are different types of therapists - you might want to find one that has dealt with suicidal clients. I would also suggest a consultation with a Psychiatrist if she has not consulted with one already. Medication is available - and legal - to help her cope until she recovers. Your Mother does not have to live in pain - there is help and relief available. The medication does not have to be forever, it can be for now or until she gets better. Everyone has had to deal with hardship at one time or another.
You might want to invest in some guided meditations on cds- available in new age stores or on the internet. Louise Hay and Shakti Gawain are two new age authors that have recorded meditations on cd. You might want to check out books by Dr. David Burns, M.D. - he has written extensively on how to deal with suicidal thoughts and depression. I have read some of his books and found them helpful.
It is very hard to tell someone that there is nothing that they can do, but often this is an awful truth that must be faced.
You may love and support your mother.. You can try to get her the help she needs. I know this is hard when you for 800 miles away.
Often people that are suicidal do not know why. They only know that they are hurting. They feel overwhelmed and can see no other way out. You can not make any one do anything. You seem to be doing all you can.
I agree with the poster that said your mothers life is in her hands.
Maybe you should seek some counseling in order to not "blame yourself" if some thing happens.
The best you can do is the best you can do. Do not accept any blame for this situation. It is not your fault.
Sometimes it is harder to tell some one the truth than it is to make comforting sounds. I feel that you must do all you can to help her, but in the end, your mother is the one that has to want help. Please do not feel that you could do more than you are doing. To come on this board is a show that you want to help and you are helping, just by loving her.
Don't beat yourself up if something goes wrong. Remember this is not something you caused and is not something you can control.
Please keep us posted as all here are concerned, not only about your mother but about you. You are important also.
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