I need help to stop being selfish. I am/was (not sure) in a relationship where I have acted consistently selfishly for nearly two years. I do not want to be selfish. I want to help my girlfriend and make up for the things I have done that have hurt her. A few months ago she told me some things that I could do to help her get over some things I had done in the past. I started on some of them, but I did not really follow through on all of them. Just today (after we had a massive fight last night) did I finally do the last thing she had told me. She is an EXTREMELY busy person (too many classes at a hard university, too many extracurricular activities) and she has recently been sick a LOT. Due to this I thought it was a good idea for me to spend a lot of time working around the apartment, helping her with schoolwork, doing her laundry, doing whatever I can to reduce her workload, so much to the point that I have used that as an excuse for why I did not do the things she asked of me. At the time I really thought that I was helping her, but now after reflecting on it I realize that I was being selfish. The things that she wanted me to do had the potential to uncover facts that I do not know about a very bad night, and to be honest I was terrified of what might be uncovered, and did not want to risk losing her. So instead I fill my time with other tasks which I could say were helping her, like I was putting a lot of energy into the relationship, but really all I was doing was avoiding the things she needed me to do. Again, I do not want to be selfish, but I was completely able to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. How can I stop this cycle? Obviously when she tells me she needs me to do something, I will do it, but the problem extends past just this one example into all aspects of our relationship. Does anyone have any advice, or know of any resources that can help me to stop thinking of myself first (even subconsciously)?

Thanks for any help!

Selfishahole