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My sister is now in her thirties. She has suffered from depression, anxiety, and other issues since she was in high school. She is extremely intelligent, artistic and book smart but has difficulty dealing with day to day issues. She has never been diagnosed and doesn't stick with traditional therapy or medication. She is so well read on antidepressants, that she refuses to take them based on their possible side effects. She tried to committ suicide a few years ago and for awhile after she was ok. She cannot keep or make friends, make decisions, hold a job, decide where to live or what to do and is basically immobilized. She overanalyzes situations to the point of becoming overly sensitive to anxious, to downright depressed. She is married but not happily. She has a two year old and he is the one thing that keeps her going. Ironically, she is an incredible mother.
She checked herself into a mental hospital over the weekend while I was out of town. She doesn't have insurance so she wasn't able to get treatment right away. She checked out on Monday and my mother picked her up feeling very frustrated and saddened that they couldn't help her. My mom is wondering if we should put her into a private facility that would be able to evaluate her, diagnose her and medicate her properly. She realizes that it will cost thousands a day, and that she will have to put it on her credit card. We are having a difficult time finding the right place for her to go. I told my mom I will leave work and take care of my nephew until she is better. Her husband doesn't make enough to take off and there are other issues with him as well.
How do we go about finding the right place? How do we handle this? I have said in the past that I think she has Asperger's Syndrome ( a form of autism) although she has never had a doctor tell her that. I have spoke with specialists and her childhood and behavior resemble my sister almost perfectly. My father thinks she has early symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't think that is what she has but no one knows.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!!
Wow shattered, i'm really feeling it, for your sister as well as for you. Because something that affects someone, also affects the people around that person...like in this case. Your sister did good on going somewhere for help, atleast she realizes she needs it and wants to do something about it. Which that is hugely important.
I really wish i could help out, but right now i got to say i'm in her same situation. I know there is someone who will enlighten you about this situation better. And i hope she'll get the help she needs soon, because once you realize how much help you need, it gets worse when you try reaching out and you can't do anything about it.
I came into depression when in high school also...and i've always had other issues since childhood. No one has ever diagnosed me with anything either cause i haven't seen any specialists. So i know a little how your sister must feel. Possibly very frustrated. And just to mention it, i told my mom, sister, and aunt what happened to me as a kid. She is feeling badly about it, and so am i. It has affected me tremendously in many ways.
But anyway i'm not here to talk about my issues, i wanted to try to help, but found out i couldn't because i'm also needing some help myself at this point.
So good luck in helping your sister out. She really needs it, although it would've been good if she would've sought for help earlier.
Please talk about your life, it will help me understand through her eyes.. this isn't just about me, this is about understanding mental illness. I need to understand and maybe your experience will help me to respond differently...please I need to hear whatever anyone has to say. I am not trying to sound desperate, I really need some guidance.
My empathy for your sibling is tremendous(and sympathy for you and yours too)
Once a person is convinced that 'What works for others,won't work for me because.....'There is a very hard battle ahead,until they(the sufferer) reach out for the help,they know deep down,they need.
I have been on and off medications for mental illnesses for 12 years or so,sometimes its just the side effects that spoil the serenity,other times its a mental urging that stops me from thinking rational thoughts(Afterthoughts are "Why did I EVER get off them,I could have avoided all this mess by just doing what the professionals suggested")
As far as insurance or some other kind of coverage,
Call the hospital,clinic,psychologist,psychiatrists,mental health board in your county,social security,anyone thats affiliated with the mental health field.There is a lot more help out there than the average person thinks,it just takes effort to find.In my case I could do for myself,in a friends case his family had to do all the legwork,it took time and patience,but they love him and want him to advance in life,not stay in the same rut he's been in for so many years.
Sometimes we have to do for others what they cannot do for themselves.
Please,don't feel responsible for her illness,only feel responsible for her recovery from it.
I am posting a few sites that deal with bi-polar support(although it might not apply to her situation,it is a starting point for you to look for a site smiler to it.)
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and share your own experience. I am learning a little at a time and I will read all of the links you have posted in an effort to gain more clarity and insight. The problem is, we don't know what exactly she is suffering from, we only see the symptoms. To some, it just seems she is lazy, difficult and inable to be productive. Since we can't see what she has, like downs syndrome or other physical impairments, it makes it more difficult to understand. Especially because she is so intelligent and opininated and capable of caring for her child. Yes, you have a very good point that we need to do whatever to help her, if she cannot help herself. I only hope that we can do it in time.. and that it works. Ken, I really appreciate you reaching out to me, I feel very lonely and afraid for her, and understanding what others deal with and go through, helps me to see she is not alone and neither am I.
That is a great comfort in this moment and I look forward to every person sharing their perspective with me, so that I can learn what it is like for her...
It is always different when it happens to your family, it is so much easier to advise others than to advise myself. Thank you again.
I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!!
If only it were clear what "help" is, exactly. This is so hard. One wouldn't let a toddler loose on a freeway in the name of honoring his freedom of choice and responsibility for his own actions. Yet, to continually shield an adult from the consequences of their own choices breeds dependency and prevents real maturity. It's hard enough even without mental illness, but that just takes it to a whole other level.
All I can think of to offer on the question of how to truly help your sister is to always ask yourself in every situation what she is actually capable of at this time, and do for her only what she can't (not won't) do for herself. If she is capable of making constructive choices, but is unwilling to do so, then she may need to attend the school of experience for awhile longer. How to distinguish between inability and unwillingness is the really hard part. I wish I had more to offer. I will bear you in my heart and mind as I go about my day. Bless you.
GOsh Cowboy, you just described the whole deal in a few sentences. This is the struggle we have been dealing with... letting her make choices, but not sure which ones she can't or just won't make. It is the hardest thing to watch someone so beautiful, intelligent and talented feel so horrible and distraught, leaving her completely immobilized. We have done way too much in the past and now we are afraid to not do enough. Just answering me and being here, really makes a difference.. I hope that others who read this who feel the same way, or have someone in their life who does, reach out to me, because it is the only thing that keeps me from falling apart. Staying strong alone, and for everyone else is just about the hardest thing I can do really.. You are always there with a kind word and that is what is so special about you, NEVER AN ORDINARY GUY!!
Without a definitive diagnosis, there is not much that can be done. I know how hard it is to be aware of an ailment and not being able to 'identify' it.
I took the first step late in life because I needed to know myself what is so 'different' about me. I too do not condone antidepressants as a 'cure all' and hate the side effects, so I began treating myself. Which, is someting no clinician, lawyer, or therapist should do.
I do belive sharing one's inner feelings and reaching out is important, but know that those who are close and unable to fathom the depth of our painful existance essentially cannot help.
The support is sometimes taken constructively and sometimes make us feel we are a burden and that makes things worse. So I think the first step for your sister to take is to get an evaluation to define the exact type of mental disorder she has. Then, it will still be up to her is she wants to accept medicinal therapy or is willing to seek counseling for stabilization.
We all go through denial too, and need support in finally accepting that there is no shame or blame involved.
Bless you for loving and caring so much that you want to help others take that first step. And yes, I know how hard it is when loved ones are inflicted...
Just don't give up on her.
Lots of love and hugs... Chery
Fear of the unknown within ourselves is worse than any other fear in the world.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!! 
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