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My sister is now in her thirties. She has suffered from depression, anxiety, and other issues since she was in high school. She is extremely intelligent, artistic and book smart but has difficulty dealing with day to day issues. She has never been diagnosed and doesn't stick with traditional therapy or medication. She is so well read on antidepressants, that she refuses to take them based on their possible side effects. She tried to committ suicide a few years ago and for awhile after she was ok. She cannot keep or make friends, make decisions, hold a job, decide where to live or what to do and is basically immobilized. She overanalyzes situations to the point of becoming overly sensitive to anxious, to downright depressed. She is married but not happily. She has a two year old and he is the one thing that keeps her going. Ironically, she is an incredible mother.
She checked herself into a mental hospital over the weekend while I was out of town. She doesn't have insurance so she wasn't able to get treatment right away. She checked out on Monday and my mother picked her up feeling very frustrated and saddened that they couldn't help her. My mom is wondering if we should put her into a private facility that would be able to evaluate her, diagnose her and medicate her properly. She realizes that it will cost thousands a day, and that she will have to put it on her credit card. We are having a difficult time finding the right place for her to go. I told my mom I will leave work and take care of my nephew until she is better. Her husband doesn't make enough to take off and there are other issues with him as well.
How do we go about finding the right place? How do we handle this? I have said in the past that I think she has Asperger's Syndrome ( a form of autism) although she has never had a doctor tell her that. I have spoke with specialists and her childhood and behavior resemble my sister almost perfectly. My father thinks she has early symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't think that is what she has but no one knows.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!!
Happy Friday everyone!!!!! OK my sister is coming back next Wednesday and going back to her husband. She didn't do anything different in Wyoming than she did here. I would not have bought the plane ticket to come back.. I wish my dad would have made her get the money herself. Maybe then she might have found a job or something!!!!!!!! I can't believe she is going back to him. It really is a shame..
START, I love you and I am taking your advice, financially or otherwise I will not enable her AT ALL.. She cannot live with me UNLESS she makes major changes FIRST.
METERRE, YOU can send me a message!!!!!! I am sorry I never delete my old ones from you, I still read them from time to time. I miss you and I am glad you are still around and haven't given up on me!!! I love you too.
I can't give in to her anymore and I HATE that she is going to live with him. Her choice not mine but it does scare me to death.
Hello,
This may be a difficult question, one that you may or may not know the answer to, one that your sister may or may not know the answer to. But did anything happen to her back in high school? It sounds like things suddenly changed for her in high school; perhaps nothing happened, but... maybe something happened that has triggered these years of unhappiness?
Hope this helps...
Happy Friday everyone!!!!! OK my sister is coming back next Wednesday and going back to her husband. She didn't do anything different in Wyoming than she did here. I would not have bought the plane ticket to come back.. I wish my dad would have made her get the money herself. Maybe then she might have found a job or something!!!!!!!! I can't believe she is going back to him. It really is a shame..
START, I love you and I am taking your advice, financially or otherwise I will not enable her AT ALL.. She cannot live with me UNLESS she makes major changes FIRST.
METERRE, YOU can send me a message!!!!!! I am sorry I never delete my old ones from you, I still read them from time to time. I miss you and I am glad you are still around and haven't given up on me!!! I love you too.
I can't give in to her anymore and I HATE that she is going to live with him. Her choice not mine but it does scare me to death.
Honey, I know how hard it is for you. Setting ultimatums for loved ones is not easy but someimes very necessary to get them to finally get up and do something for themselves. Otherwise you will feel guilty as an enabler. You know that my wishes and virtual hugs are with you in this, and that any time you need that extra push, just let us know.
Ok that's good to hear...i'll drop you a line and send it. Now it is sad your sister keeps doing the same thing...but you must let it go. I know, we all know it frustrates you...your love is kind. You wish you could fix her life so she wouldn't be in that hole she is now...but only God is the one that can do it. So you just leave that up to him, and he'll do what he has to do.
I wish you the best Shatteredsoul.
I, also, wish you all the best in the coming months in dealing with this situation.
Your efforts in dealing with your sister is a long road, hopefully leading to an amicable ending for all involved.
BOUNDARIES,boundaries,boundaries...set them, practice them, live by them.
My friends and family all have them in dealing with many different facets of my changing moods(etc etc etc...lol) and for the most part they work.OLD HABITS being the hardest to break,old behaviors the last to be replaced with healthy ones.
Remember, you are in control, I beleive you can do this,do you?
Do I think I can do this..??? HMMM Ken, some days I feel absolutely certain about everything and other days completely confused and disillusioned.. I just have to take each day as it comes. If I think too much I get overwhelmed, sad and confused. I think there are lots of old habits to break and not just mine.. also not responding the same way everytime. I may not ever be able to help her and that is the plain truth. I won't ever give up I will just change how I try.
Joining her in Yoga and meditation is a really REALLY Good idea.. the problem.. getting her there. She ran the car my mom gave her into the ground.. that is her excuse for not working either. She lives about 40 minutes from here so it makes it difficult picking her up. I happen to think it would be helpful for both of us, just not sure how to make it happen.. THANK YOU BOTH.. and all of you for responding..
METERRE, START AND CHERY Thanks for all your kind words.. this battle is beyond my ability to fight. Staying in to be supportive but I realize I have to change the playing rules..
She comes home tomorrow. I am afraid it will be more of the same with her. I want to stop being afraid and stop feeling bad, about anything..
I love every darn one of you.
Ken, Look how far you have come.. I hope one day that my sister will be more self sufficient and stable so she can help others as you have.
shatteredsoul
I read your very first post which is posted in Oct. 2007 and few replies to it. But unfortunatly I don't have time to read all the posts from Oct. 2007 to the end of Feb. 2008. I therefore request you to brief me about the things happened and changes took place during last 4 months. I think I can give you a direction to solve the problem.
I am truly concerned with this issue and would like to advise.
Regards
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!! 
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