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My sister is now in her thirties. She has suffered from depression, anxiety, and other issues since she was in high school. She is extremely intelligent, artistic and book smart but has difficulty dealing with day to day issues. She has never been diagnosed and doesn't stick with traditional therapy or medication. She is so well read on antidepressants, that she refuses to take them based on their possible side effects. She tried to committ suicide a few years ago and for awhile after she was ok. She cannot keep or make friends, make decisions, hold a job, decide where to live or what to do and is basically immobilized. She overanalyzes situations to the point of becoming overly sensitive to anxious, to downright depressed. She is married but not happily. She has a two year old and he is the one thing that keeps her going. Ironically, she is an incredible mother.
She checked herself into a mental hospital over the weekend while I was out of town. She doesn't have insurance so she wasn't able to get treatment right away. She checked out on Monday and my mother picked her up feeling very frustrated and saddened that they couldn't help her. My mom is wondering if we should put her into a private facility that would be able to evaluate her, diagnose her and medicate her properly. She realizes that it will cost thousands a day, and that she will have to put it on her credit card. We are having a difficult time finding the right place for her to go. I told my mom I will leave work and take care of my nephew until she is better. Her husband doesn't make enough to take off and there are other issues with him as well.
How do we go about finding the right place? How do we handle this? I have said in the past that I think she has Asperger's Syndrome ( a form of autism) although she has never had a doctor tell her that. I have spoke with specialists and her childhood and behavior resemble my sister almost perfectly. My father thinks she has early symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't think that is what she has but no one knows.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!!
You may not need a diagnosis for treatment, it depends. I have been severely mentally ill all my life, in and out of mental hospitals for years. Ive seen all kinds of specialists, have been on disability for mental illness since I was a teenager and there is still no definitive diagnosis. Sometimes you just cant roll someones group of symtoms into a neat ball that fits neatly into any diagnosis, but she may still find one. .
The question about were to go to find help, sadly comes down to money. You say she doesnt have insurance, so this reduces the options available. I would be curious to know if she would be elidible for medicade, I know its based on income and her husbands income would greatly effect this, but still worth looking into. I myself have medicade due to the fact that my income on disability is so low. Im also wondering if she would be qualify for state or federal disability and again with her husbands income this would effect the amount she would receive. If she can afford it, or if she could somehow manage to get on a state insurance, I would say the best place to start exploring is at a university teaching hospital, where she could get psychiatric testing, psychological testing, neurological testing and extensive blood work done. All these things can be done on an out patient basis but if she is resistant it may not go over too well. Hmm, someone could become her power of medical attorney and have a bit more envolvment into her treatment if she were at the average psychiatric hospital, or taking it a step farther, someone could become her legal guardian so you may have more control over treatments. You want to rule out organic illnesses, brain diseases,perhaps get an MRI or CAT scan if you havent already and cheak with your federal building and local family independence agency to see if she might qualify for financial assistance for treatment, and(if you have one) also check if she qualifies for treatment at your local community mental health clinic where you dont have to have insurance. Its very difficult to get a doctor to agree to the testing you want done, they are obligated to reduce the expenditure of medical dollars, so if something isnt blatantly obviously needed (but may well still be) they will deny you, but keep that these people, eventually they will break.
Sorry if I rambled, Im obviously very bitter at the mental health system but am forced to work within and around it.
Try not to be discouraged by her hospitalization attempt, nothing is ever helped in only a couple days in a hospital. If you fear for her, you can always get her involitarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital just to keep her safe, if it comed to this. You can get a petition for a 72 hour hold at the court house.
Cheak out earthhouse.org, its a private conventional and alternative psychiatric "hospital"
in NJ.
I wish the best of all things to you and your sister...
agrees: Yes, thank you Cheri, but Ken could you elaborate on what you meant here??
More ...scrutiny?
It was the only word I could think of at the time.
I was a contractor for almost 20 years,learning the trades through the school of hard knocks.
Almost all my training was in the field,not too much schooling,just hands on.
While working on a new bathroom replacement I got to the wiring on the light and ceiling vent and got totally stumped,only 2 switches and I couldn't figure out how to tie the hot wires so the light would work separately from the vent,I tried and tried,breaking wire ends till I was sooo frustrated I finally swallowed my pride and asked a friend "What did I do wrong?""I just can't figure it out"
He came that night,after his 10 hour shift,and had it done correctly in 2 minutes flat.
Smiling at me he says"Sometimes we're just too close to the forest to see the trees"
Closer scrutiny might not have been the right wording,but now the clarification is hopefully here,you are so able to assist others being further from the forest,but your own trees are so close you can't see them.
I can feel your frustration,I see you reaching out.
One question,when was your last personal time out?Time away from the forest viewing?Maybe a look at the ocean instead of trees?Vacation is a broad term ment to mean VACATING ALL THOSE THINGS AND FINDING NEW PERSPECTIVE.
I know how you feel. I am of help to others because I can relate so much that they think I'm a psychic.
The reason I can help others, but not myself, is because my family will never understand the inner side of me.
Before my brothes were born, my mother had one objective - to vent the hate for my absent father on me. After they were born I was nothing but a live-in babysitter who got beaten when the little ones complained about something I did. My strife to please her never turned to fruition. My hatred of her was never understood by my siblings (half-brothers). She later turned them against me and it took me a while to convince my youngest brother that I was a human and that I raised him to be half-way tolerant of me. The older brother still hates me today and blames me alone for all the mishaps that have happened in my life, such as abuse, rape, even my heart disease and degenerative spine. These I was born with because my mother attempted to abort me and did not eat properly while pregnant. But to them, it's my fault and they will never listen to my side of the 'story'. To them, she was the loving and caring mother and they don't remember her sitting on the couch, smoking, drinking coffee all day and watching soaps while I took care of their daily needs and cooked. Ironic, but I love them both.
My continued struggle to maintain my mental health has alienated me in many ways, too many to count, but I now realise it will do no good with those who have not been there. It's hard to explain the inner turmoil to someone who has no understanding of helplessness and confusion.
If we don't help ourselves, who will help? It would be nice if there were more people interested in helping because we are no longer a 'minority'. /And, it's about time for politicians, medical/psychological groups start thinking about more than just saving money. When they realize that these disorders can inflict their own family members, it might work.
Until then, most think I'm lazy because I divert from 'life' by being on this forum, watching TV, listening to music and reading a lot. I also studied psychology because I had to find a reason for what I was going through, and through this I was also able to help others in the process. I don't practice, but I reach out and try to help anyone who comes to me for a little reassurance. I refer them to practicing professionals who help them further along their way.
As Meterre said, the need to be accepted, appreciated, loved, and most of all understood is our greatest wish. Until that happens, we are pretty much on our own.
The bottom line is that we have just as much right to be here as anyone else and that we deserve to be understood.
The care and love for your sister warms my heart and I hope you don't give up on her. Do the best you can and encourage her to seek help from support groups.
Wow, I am speechless after reading all of these heartfelt responses. I don't even know what to say, that is a rare thing.. if you know me!
METERRE, YOu have literally been through he!! and back. I do not know why you are as level headed as you are. I cannot fathom all of the emotions and reprecussions you have experienced based on your upbringing filled with sadness, abuse, and isolation. I cannot relate to your pain or your suffering in the way some of these other people can. You are such a tenacious soul. You are frustrated with how you are managing your life, but how could you be doing any better than you are? LIfe is such a mysterious thing, it seems the ones with the most beautiful spirits, suffer the most. I don't know why. Maybe in preparation for the next life. However it is this life we have to learn to survive in. I am so blessed to know you and to have you open up those wounds for me to understand another perspective. Thank you for doing that and I know it must be difficult to go there, because you don't harbor any hatred to your family. You are a completely loving person and you have an immense capacity to move on and forgive those that have hurt you. I don't think I am that strong, maybe I am just too stubborn or immature. Either way, I understand how difficult it is for my sister to relate to me, take my support and to feel understood. More than anything you have shown me the isolation and alienation that you endure.. and that she is enduring. What is so difficult is not being able to change it. I have to surrender to something that I don't understand. IT is hard. Thanks for being my friend, as always your advice is genuine and loving and very open and honest. IT means the world to me... Thanks.
Delori, what you said made perfect sense.. you cannot always wrap people up into some neat little package diagnosis. That is more for everyone else's comfort and understanding.
I am going to check out that earthouse.og in NJ and I appreciate all your advice that you gave in dealing with the state. AS you stated, it always comes down to money. IT is sad but true. You have been struggling for so long, I wonder how do you come to realize that you needed help, and how did you finally get it? OR did you? Did you need someone to take over, or did you do it on your own. My sister has also been struggling since she was a teenager but we really didn't see how bad it was.. Now it is so much worse.
Becoming power of attorney, or admitting her involuntarily, might jeopardize her rights to her child. I don't want to take away the one thing she has, that she does well. IT is such a fine line of knowing what is right, and what will do more harm. I feel like I am walking on a tightrope and one wrong move might be disastrous. I am very thankful to hear from you and your advice is very helpful. I need all the support I can get, so you reaching out to me is really uplifting.
Ken,
You are a source of inspiration for many people. Please remember that. I am always looking forward to hearing your thoughts and how you feel about this subject. I think people who suffer from any mental disorder or illness, are the best teachers we can have. WE need to hear you, and learn from you.. because through you, we gain so much insight. Maybe your experience will not only help you grow, but help so many others as well.. NOt only for my sister, but for all of us with family and friends like this, or someone who is suffering right now. Thanks Ken
Cheri, YOu have always reached out to anyone you see in pain or suffering. YOu have spent your life being tortured and abused and yet your heart is bigger than most. I guess no matter what, they can't kill that wonderful spirit of yours. IT broke my heart to hear about your mom and your childhood. YOur mother must have suffered from her own sickness to treat you that way. I can see that you too are forgiving and loving, as METERRe. You still find room in your heart for your family. I can only compare that to the love Jesus had for those that crucified him. I am not a religious person, but spiritual, yet I had to say that. You are a source of comfort, light and awareness for so many. I am blessed to know you and to realize the goodness in the world, even when there is so much sadness and evil. You are living proof of turning the other cheek. Yes, you have struggled and suffered and endured so much, but look at how amazing you are now.. You are an amazing, wonderful person who shows me that I cannot give up.. I must be loving and forgiving for that which I don't understand.. I will. Thanks for teaching me that.
I don't blame her for being worried about taking traditional medicine with all the side effects.
There are a lot of good natural alternative doctors that can work miracles because they find the root of the problem rather than mask the problem with drugs.
If I know what area you live I would even try to find an alternative doctor in your area.
Take comfort in knowing you're not alone, just like a lot of us, the unkown makes us feel powerless, but we should never give up hope. Life can be such a struggle sometimes that makes you just want to scream - go ahead and do so, in the forest somewhere - I do, and it helps a little.
You know I will be here for you for as long as I can. Will be in hospital again next Monday, but won't let them keep me more than three days, that should give them enough time to do the test they want so that I get documentation I need to be a 'cancer statistic' which will help me a little financially. After that, I don't plan on seeing the inside of a hospital ever again.
A lot has been taken away from me in life (riches to rags - and no fun at all - it's downright degrading, but I will not let anyone take my DIGNITY.
If you've got the strength, show your sister that she is worth a lot more than she thinks and keep up the encouragement.
Love,
Chery Here is some love and encouragement from me to you.
I should be the one comforting you.. giving you love and encouragement. YOu are fighting for your life, defending your dignity and trying to find decent care... and you have time for me. I don't feel very worthy, but your smily faces with kisses, truly lift me up. Chery,
deserve to be protected and taken care of, not worrying about all these medical issues alone. Is there some way that I can support you or help you, like you have helped me?
I think that if anyone has a right to scream it should be you. I will not complain or feel sorry for myself, especially knowing your struggle and positive outlook and energy for everyone around you.
I wish I could hold your hand and be with you and fight those doctors for you. I am with you in spirit and very thankful to have such special people in my life
Shattered, thanks for all your kind words on behalf of everyone. Because even when i see someone giving love to someone else i can also feel that love and it warms my heart. On the most part because that shows me that the world is not only how i have experienced it but it shows me there is good out there. It might not always be obvious or accessible, but it is out there. So that calms me.
And also when i see you and others being appreciative of what sufferers can offer, it reminds me even more how it's not always black and white.
It's really sad how money is the key to being helped sometimes like in your sister's case. That is one of the reasons i haven't been help, atleast not by proffesional care or anything.
But you know not only does your sister need support but you need it too. I can also understand how you feel helpless to her. So you need us and your family and friends to keep you positive....of course you need yourself too. You are a strong individual that no matter if you haven't gone through some the things we've gone through, you have learned a lot from life and others. So there's no reason for you to feel unworthy of anything, you know that different people react differently and cope differently. You too are worthy of so much especially for your heart that is also big, trying to help your family...and trying to help us, and being appreciative. And much more there is no limit.
Thank you all.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!! 
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