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My sister is now in her thirties. She has suffered from depression, anxiety, and other issues since she was in high school. She is extremely intelligent, artistic and book smart but has difficulty dealing with day to day issues. She has never been diagnosed and doesn't stick with traditional therapy or medication. She is so well read on antidepressants, that she refuses to take them based on their possible side effects. She tried to committ suicide a few years ago and for awhile after she was ok. She cannot keep or make friends, make decisions, hold a job, decide where to live or what to do and is basically immobilized. She overanalyzes situations to the point of becoming overly sensitive to anxious, to downright depressed. She is married but not happily. She has a two year old and he is the one thing that keeps her going. Ironically, she is an incredible mother.
She checked herself into a mental hospital over the weekend while I was out of town. She doesn't have insurance so she wasn't able to get treatment right away. She checked out on Monday and my mother picked her up feeling very frustrated and saddened that they couldn't help her. My mom is wondering if we should put her into a private facility that would be able to evaluate her, diagnose her and medicate her properly. She realizes that it will cost thousands a day, and that she will have to put it on her credit card. We are having a difficult time finding the right place for her to go. I told my mom I will leave work and take care of my nephew until she is better. Her husband doesn't make enough to take off and there are other issues with him as well.
How do we go about finding the right place? How do we handle this? I have said in the past that I think she has Asperger's Syndrome ( a form of autism) although she has never had a doctor tell her that. I have spoke with specialists and her childhood and behavior resemble my sister almost perfectly. My father thinks she has early symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't think that is what she has but no one knows.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!!
Please get back to living your life for you now....and get a break from everyone elses problems......How i wish the same thing for you that you do for your sister. I wish you could live your life and keep being productive, without having to be too much into your sisters or anyone elses life. To be happy and joyful...of course i know that it's hard, and i know you know too...but for now why don't you just try to let it all go....and like Chery said enjoy your holidays with your own family. Don't miss out on special moments just for worrying about other problems which aren't your own. I know that as a sister you might feel a certain commitment, plus you love her and everything but it really isn't your obligation. You have an obligation which is the family you've created, now that's your obligation.
I'm sorry don't want to sound mean or anything. It worries me the way you have been feeling so frustrated even more than what your sister could worry me. She has to start thinking as if all she had was her son and her. Giving her too much attention is only feeding the problem and thus never getting her any independency...you know that already.
Well Happy Holidays to all. And from my heart to you Shatteredsoul....love ya.
WELL, I guess I seem a little stressed huh?? LOL Ok I think you are all right.. I do need a break, even if I know there is something I could do more, or better, or different. IT"S THE FREAKIN HOLIDAYS!!! I don't mean to be such a BAH HUMBUG!!! I am so glad you guys are still listening to my ranting and raving. I know I can be a handful myself.
THANK YOU all soooo much.. CHery, Cowboy, and METERRE, I love you all and you have been great friends to me since the beginning. Believe it or not, you do help me and I do feel all the virtual hugs and the compassion, even if we are on the computer... I am very blessed to know each and everyone on here and I am going to take the heartfelt advice...
I am very much looking forward to Friday.. my husband and I got tickets to Mickey's Very MERRY Christmas party at Magic Kingdom and we are suprising the kids!!! I am very excited and I am going to put all my troubles by the wayside for now... I need to enjoy the moments with my family YOU are right about that!!! I am going to bake cookies this weekend and I have all next week off to hang out with them.. I promise I will follow the doctor's orders of REST and RELAXATION with the family!!!!! LOL
I hope all of you will be spending holidays with those you love and enjoying yourselves as well. I am thinking of you guys and gals!!! MY love and thoughts to you toooo!!!!!!!
May we all be at peace this holiday season, just a little glimmer of joy in our hearts will go a long way this year.........I am joyful and excited for SANTA!!!!!!!! LOL LOL I know him!!!!
Couldn't agree more and be more happier for you. You and your family deserve stress free Holidays. Let's give it up for Shatteredsoul! And hope all her worries and troubles and that holding out her hand for the needy pays off this season. And Merry Christmas...to all.
********UPDATE************
My sister stays in one spot like BRITNEY SPEARS.... the rolling stone of a sister wants to come back AGAIN and hasn't done sh!T but worry and stay immobilized!!!
She has her mood swings, her erradic drives to NOWHERE and continues to push her family away.. SOUND FAMILIAR... yeah except my sister isn't famous, rich or dependent upon pills. SHE IS JUST off her rocker.. I know that sounds mean but its almost so tragic that I have to make jokes. SHE hasn't EVEN been gone three weeks and is ready to turn around and go back to the husband that she abuses and who abuses her. SOUNDS INTELLIGENT RIGHt?? WRONG.. well he has been making her feel guilty for leaving and she thinks going back is the right thing... O<M<G its the farthest thing from the truth... SHe stays with a family member then leaves constantly to drive around and do NOTHING and now I am wondering WHAT SHOULD I DO.. the answer is NOTHING I know it BOY, I DO KNOW it.. OH while she has been gone, the baby fell and got stitches in his forehead, it wasn't anyone's fault but GEEZ!!!!!!
SHE HASN'T found a job, and now we are back to square one....
I WISH SHE WOULD GET PROFESSIONAL HELP, WHY CAN'T Dr. PHIL show up on my sister's doorstep.. maybe he could make her see the light, maybe not..
ON ANOTHER note... I had a great week with my family, thank you all for you wonderful and kind thoughts, I have been thinking of all of you!!!!!!XOXOXOXOXO I love you METERRE and CHERY!!!!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!!! I have missed you guys. WHEW I am glad the holidays are over.. they were good but a little overwhelming to say the least......
Oh Shattered, you have come so far with this. You really have a good head on your shoulders! Your sister is going to do what she is going to do and until she decides to make the "right" choices, it will never change. You get to choose whether or not you supply her with help or not. Maybe it is time you all get together without her and promise each other no-contact till she gets it in her head. I am happy to see you are enjoying your family! That makes me smile! Hugs and lots a love headed your way.
Shattered we missed you...or i did anyway....i'm really glad to hear you had good times on these Holidays, you and your family deserved it. Now about your sister.....ok so have you ever tried writing to Dr. Phil??? Perhaps how things are going with her it could be worth it......maybe you could even express your concern with mental illness and medications. I don't know but i would be getting ready to either try anything including the last resort...or just forget about it and not bother. And just leave her on her own so she can come into consciousness and think about her and her kids. And like Startover said....some unity could be helpful.
Hey i hope you are able to come on a bit more frequently but even if not, i am always thinking of you and hoping you and your family are alright. This year will bring better things for you don't worry.
Shattered,
I have been waiting for an update on how the holidays went and how things were with you. It sounds like your sister is continuing down her path of distruction and unfortunately there is not a lot you can do. I think that Start's suggestion of unity is a great one. Think of it like parenting, parents need to be consistent - mom says no cookies, dad says no cookies that is it. Maybe that is the way that your family needs to be with your sister.
I am so glad that you made it through the holidays and things went well. Hang in there. You are a strong wonderful person. Always remember that!!
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!! 
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