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My sister is now in her thirties. She has suffered from depression, anxiety, and other issues since she was in high school. She is extremely intelligent, artistic and book smart but has difficulty dealing with day to day issues. She has never been diagnosed and doesn't stick with traditional therapy or medication. She is so well read on antidepressants, that she refuses to take them based on their possible side effects. She tried to committ suicide a few years ago and for awhile after she was ok. She cannot keep or make friends, make decisions, hold a job, decide where to live or what to do and is basically immobilized. She overanalyzes situations to the point of becoming overly sensitive to anxious, to downright depressed. She is married but not happily. She has a two year old and he is the one thing that keeps her going. Ironically, she is an incredible mother.
She checked herself into a mental hospital over the weekend while I was out of town. She doesn't have insurance so she wasn't able to get treatment right away. She checked out on Monday and my mother picked her up feeling very frustrated and saddened that they couldn't help her. My mom is wondering if we should put her into a private facility that would be able to evaluate her, diagnose her and medicate her properly. She realizes that it will cost thousands a day, and that she will have to put it on her credit card. We are having a difficult time finding the right place for her to go. I told my mom I will leave work and take care of my nephew until she is better. Her husband doesn't make enough to take off and there are other issues with him as well.
How do we go about finding the right place? How do we handle this? I have said in the past that I think she has Asperger's Syndrome ( a form of autism) although she has never had a doctor tell her that. I have spoke with specialists and her childhood and behavior resemble my sister almost perfectly. My father thinks she has early symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't think that is what she has but no one knows.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!!
I am not like I was before, I am forever changed, scarred and shattered... hence the shattered soul. BUT, I do have the ability to keep moving on, even though sometimes I really don't feel like it. I know the blessings and gifts in my life, far outweigh the sadness and the sorrow.
My point in saying this, is to say that for me, I think the origin of my sadness and depression is learning to anticipate, and handle the losses that I endure and the changes that occur and that are impending. I have never been great with change, but yet its inevitable.. and I do become attached to people quickly and losing them, no matter what the reason, always seems to take an emotional toll on me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chery
I thought that through therapy and strength things would eventually give me my past life back. But that never happened, and never will, because as an individual I cannot do anything to prevent it from getting worse or even try to mend some of the damage that is irreversible.
I'm still working on this, myself. Realizing that nothing can "give me my past life back". Glimmers of understanding that through the experience of profound loss, I have "outgrown" my past life, and it wouldn't fit me now, even if I did get it back. Slowly releasing my attachment to it, turning to face forward. Sometimes, it feels like a "long, hard slog".
That really is true isn't is?? Nothing can be as it was, but with patience and courage we move forward... not really understanding how we got where we are but knowing we have to face what is up ahead.
Life throws so many punches, you wonder when are you gonna just get knocked the f@ck out??? I think facing the tough stuff doesn't get easier, we just learn to manage a little better with each new challenge or disaster..
My best friend of 28 years called me yesterday to tell me her step dad committed suicide and her mother found him hanging in the garage. HE had just went off his meds for depression, about a week ago.
SOMETHING IS VERY VERY WRONG HERE>..... YEs we are going to be depressed and screwed up, that is normal... but taking drugs for every single ailment, that we don't even know the true long term effects.. IT JUST PLAIN DANGEROUS>. I know some people have no choice but damn... another person dead, killing themselves AFTER they go off their medication because the friggin doctor says they will be fine. HOW does this happen over and over and over and over???? CAN someone please tell me..... Why
Oh Shattered I wish I could tell you why. It might ease the pain and save some lives. I believe that we as a society over medicate, but yet some that need it the most don't have the money to buy their medications. It is just so sad.
I honestly believe that the doctors don't know what they are doing most of the time. They all work on trial and error, and ruling out different symptoms, then studying similar cases - but to no avail.
The mind is a place that can be identified to outerspace and sends so many divert signals that it is hard to interpret.
Look at the 'father' of psychiatry.. Siggi Freud used a lot of mind-altering drugs himself.. maybe that's why he could go deeper into that space and understand it a little better. I'm not saying that one has to be on drugs to understand it all, but some drugs help stabilize some symptoms - but there is no known cure..
Leaving you with that in mind and wishing you and yours all the best.
I have been reading this thread, on and off for weeks, sometimes it's nice to be a sideliner.
Chery is right about the pharmaceutical companies need for money, need for more money...etc,and how they justify it for' Further research' 'For the betterment of mankind'
Where are we in this soup?
Improperly cared for and diagnosed incorrectly,over medicated, or not medicated due to our own wants/needs.
You had a comment earlier in this post about some of us who need the drugs but the long term effects are unknown, I could write a novel about that one
Another comment was an eye opener about therapists needing to be on the level with their patients( mine is bi-polar) we relate well enough(although she being Female,doesn't make it as close as I would like)
Could Freud had been on the right track with the necessity for the pharmaceutical companies need to treat the chemically imbalanced mind, not the mentally stable one?
Oh well, I am simply checking in on this thread in hopes you and yours are doing well
Hi Ken,
Its been a f@cked up week for me. Its hard to come on here when I don't feel happy and chipper and able to give advice. My sister is staying with me after getting into a physical dispute with her husband. My mom went up and got her and after two days, she couldn't handle having her. My mom's blood pressure is through the roof and I think her nerves about everything are causing anxiety. My sister's relationship with her is tense, to say the least. Too dependent upon her, not wanting to be a burden, and frustrated for all the ways she couldn't be there for her growing up, and because it really bothers her that my mom is gay. Well, we were on our way to the park last night with her baby who fell asleep. She didn't feel I was being very sympathetic to her complaining about how mom ruined her life and on and on about how her life is so terrible. Usually I am and i try not to get into any arguments. I walk on egg shells alot with her. Well, I just couldn't do it. I was very honest and I told her she needs to stop blaming everyone else, start making decisions for herself and depending on us, if we aren't helping her become independent. Along with some other things I said, I really pissed her off I guess. She got out of the car and was screaming at the top of her lungs, crying and cursing, running around the parking the lot. I told her she needed to calm the F down and get herself together. I said you have a baby and you are a grown up. NO one should have the power to get you that upset. I told her that she chose to get married to that prick and give up on herself and that she needs to help herself because we all can't continue to do it for her. She doesn't work, she doesn't have a car now cuz she didn't get it fixed and now has no place to go. I want to help and I want to be supportive but I think some tough love is in order here. I wish I could explain it all but I have to get the kids ready for school and get to work. She ran off screaming like someone shot her and then came back and told me to take her back to her husbands house. I said I am not taking you there and maybe you should do it yourself. I didn't leave her there. I waited awhile and then she found me. She calmed down and apologized and actually was thankful and understanding of some of the things I said. I also said I was sorry for coming off like I did. Maybe my tone was harsh but I just have so little energy right now to deal with this. I wish my mother was more equipped to handle her. I know now I have to step up... oh boy.. what will happen next?? I surely don't have a friggin clue....
HEllo all and thanks for checkin in on this.. I think it may get worse before it ever gets any better. Love to you guys.
Shattered,
It sounds to me like you did the right thing. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the way it is before we will actually open our eyes. She obviously trusts you or else she would not have come back looking for you after her rant. You are a wonderfully caring sister remember that as times get tough. I wish your sister some peace as she sorts out her life, and you the patience and understanding to help her.
Sounds like you've got a bull by the horns there. Actually, hard as it may have been to live through, from my safe distance it sounds like something necessary and valuable happened. How tough to make the love, is the hard part, I know. You just have to find your own best self, and act from there. General principles are easy. Specific choices in particular situations are hard. I'll bear you in mind as I feed my cows in the freezing rain this morning.
AHHH Tusc, patience and understanding seems to come so much easier with friends than it does with family, although I am not entirely sure why that is... I thank you for the encouragement and the advice. IT is nice to hear from you. I am sorry I can't jump in member discussions right now... its just a difficult time. So, thanks for checking in on me. You are always thoughtful like that.
Cowboy...I am glad you are here. I am having a really tough time and it is nice to know you are thinking of me. Even if you have to stand in the freezing rain... I do love the cows and they are so peaceful. Sometimes i think i should trade this crazy suburbia lifestyle for one like yours. I just don't know if I could handle as well as you do. Yes, the specific choices seem to be the most difficult. I find myself wanting to to help her find solutions, but she has to CHOOSE it.. instead of aimlessy wandering from one place to another and thinking something will change. I actually told her I think she should try to go on her own and stay at a women's shelter or something. Get herself some assistance, counseling and a fresh start, entirely made by her. WE pave the way, pay the way, guide her but we are never really helping her. Her learned helplessness is partly our family's fault, along with being lazy and not motivated and depressed. YET she says she wants to do all sorts of things, but never really does anything. She tells me I don't know how hard its been on her, and living in squalor and having nothing. BUT she does nothing to change the situation or better herself. Now my father bought her a plane ticket to come stay with him in Wyoming in some remote little town of 5,000 people. I don't really know what that will do for her. I told both of them that. My dad also gave her money for Christmas and she wants to spend $60.00 to get her hair cut, but doesn't have a pot to piss in. She makes no plan or has any idea of what to do with her money but will be frivolous with it. I told her that my friend can and would cut her hair for free, (Since she chopped it all off to a bob after her husband and her got into a fight.) IT was to the middle of her back. I said just let her fix it for you. She thinks that paying someone who she knows will do a good job is a better idea and wasting money that she doesn't have to waste, is somehow a good idea. So my mom is going to drive her thirty minutes from my house to do that on Wednesday. Do you see what I am dealing with here?????? I don't mean to complain but GOSH~~!!!!!!! I am just so confused because part of me wanted to leave her standing there acting like a complete crazy person but then I thought, what about the baby? I just don't know anymore what the right thing to say or do is and I am not sure I will ever know. I keep thinking if I do this, or do that, it will finally sink in, the lightbulb will go on and everything will get better, but it doesn't. I don't want her to be this way forever....
Cowboy, I am thinking of you too.. Tusc XOXOXOXOXOX Thanks to both of you... I feel very overwhelmed, sad, helpless, frustrated, confused and F@CKING EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shattered,
It sounds to me like you did the right thing. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the way it is before we will actually open our eyes. She obviously trusts you or else she would not have come back looking for you after her rant. You are a wonderfully caring sister remember that as times get tough. I wish your sister some peace as she sorts out her life, and you the patience and understanding to help her.
I'm adding to this post and including my emotional support all the way dear.
You are doing the best you can under the circumstances and you certainly have all my love and best wishes.
Your sister has a lot of past crap to work on, she should not blame your mom's choice of lifestyle for her turmoil, that's absolute BS if you ask me. There must have been something worse that she is suppressing.
Hang in there dear.. and you know we are here for you when you need to express yourself in any form.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!! 
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