My sister is now in her thirties. She has suffered from depression, anxiety, and other issues since she was in high school. She is extremely intelligent, artistic and book smart but has difficulty dealing with day to day issues. She has never been diagnosed and doesn't stick with traditional therapy or medication. She is so well read on antidepressants, that she refuses to take them based on their possible side effects. She tried to committ suicide a few years ago and for awhile after she was ok. She cannot keep or make friends, make decisions, hold a job, decide where to live or what to do and is basically immobilized. She overanalyzes situations to the point of becoming overly sensitive to anxious, to downright depressed. She is married but not happily. She has a two year old and he is the one thing that keeps her going. Ironically, she is an incredible mother.
She checked herself into a mental hospital over the weekend while I was out of town. She doesn't have insurance so she wasn't able to get treatment right away. She checked out on Monday and my mother picked her up feeling very frustrated and saddened that they couldn't help her. My mom is wondering if we should put her into a private facility that would be able to evaluate her, diagnose her and medicate her properly. She realizes that it will cost thousands a day, and that she will have to put it on her credit card. We are having a difficult time finding the right place for her to go. I told my mom I will leave work and take care of my nephew until she is better. Her husband doesn't make enough to take off and there are other issues with him as well.

How do we go about finding the right place? How do we handle this? I have said in the past that I think she has Asperger's Syndrome ( a form of autism) although she has never had a doctor tell her that. I have spoke with specialists and her childhood and behavior resemble my sister almost perfectly. My father thinks she has early symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't think that is what she has but no one knows.

WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!!

startover22

Shattered, You are so wonderful, you have gone through so much, and yet still seem to get the kids in gear, take care of your daily responsibilities, your husband, your whole family, and your self....
Sweet, Sebastians brother said some wonderful things, I was excited at how he made all his good shine through even though there is so much hurt. He will be remembered! Sebastian himself, (reading what he wrote) seems like an intelligent life, that got very lost. I am so sorry for your family and you, I wish there were an easy way to get past these things. I really do. Time really helps, as you already know that.....
Love you....

Chery

I don't know why I did not get a email notice for this subscription, but better late than never.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's people like you that keep me from going nuts because I realize that all of us go through our personal 'hades' and learn to cope a lot better with friends like you.

Chery

Shatteredsoul..
I've just read post 36, and it gives me goosebumps.

Lately I have been wondering what Sebastian thought before he made the journey of his choice, because I too plan on controlling the way I make my final journey.

I feel, even though I have discourage suicide to the young, that if this is the only dignified way to take control and not let suffering be prolonged, that it is the right to choose for someone who has tried everything else, sought help, and lost the battle.

Not too many people like to get involved in the subjects of mental health, incurable cancer, continued life of helplessness and hopelessness. But it is something that we all think about what we would do when 'the time comes' to make a choice.

They way I look at it is: I respect and appreciate the help of people who care and want to help with all that is available.
Therefore, I want them to respect and appreciate the choice of how my life will end in dignity.

I'm sure that along this line, Sebastian was thinking the same thing, and that's why his family will always love and remember the best part of him.

I hope I am making sense here, I'm just so overwrought by what a lot of families and friends you know have gone through, and what you yourself deal with and manage.. that I hope my daughter will also be able to keep her memories of me in a special place and still love me.

Gotta quit now, tears are blocking my vision, but I'm going to let them run..

As for help for millions worldwide... I've tried my best to convince doctors that antidepressants are not always the answer, but I feel that they don't want to get to the bottom of the real issues, it would take too much time and financially it is not beneficial to anyone but the pharmaceuticals. It is unfortunate.

It would be nice if the world would wake up here, but look where else it's sleeping - those issues are also Too Many To Count...

Bless You!

shatteredsoul

Chery,
You do everything with integrity and dignity and NO one will ever take that from you. YOu educate yourself and try to find the best possible way to manage your illness. I couldn't be more proud to know you, or to be your friend. All of your kind thoughts and heartfelt words totally hit me. I feel very blessed to be so fortunate to know so many amazing people as the ones I have met on here.
I will say that I am a little disappointed in the people who chose not to respond at all, when I thought they would be eager to share their views and perceptions on mental illness. This isn't a popularity contest and I wasn't looking for the most responses out of everyone, but some people are very well educated on this subject and still choose not to partake in such an important and critical discussion.
We as a society are faced with serious obstacles ahead. The funding to help those that are mentally ill has been drastically cut over the years, as have the salaries of those in the field to help people with mental illness.
My sister has some good days and some bad ones. More bad than good. She still can't make up her mind about most things and lives in a costant state of anxiety and depression. I try to stay positive and let her know that I love and support her, without trying to give her answers or solve her problems for her.
THAT IS WHAT ALL YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE HAVE SHOWN ME... I cannot fix her or do it for her, but I can stand by her side and love her and try to be accepting of what I don't understand or agree with. It isn't always easy, but nothing in life worth doing is.
SO for everyone who has reached out to me, I say thank you and I appreciate each and everyone of your opinions, experiences and perspectives.... I hope to keep this going, even if it isn't the most fun subject, I feel it is valuable because I am learning and growing from it..
LOVE YOU ALL! PEACE OUT

KBC

Hey stranger, you've been away for a while,Glad to see you back.

All who shared did so because they could,I don't know who else might have but I DID,,,sniff sniff,I am somebody........LOL JK

I understand your sisters up and downs, mine are back too, I feel for her, and to try to make up your mind when IT won't cooperate, that just sucks eggs.

It sounds like you have a great perspective towards the needs of your sis and your boundries, like to see that, thats growth

I'll help it along ( with your help...;p)

Chat soon,ok?,

Ken

shatteredsoul

I have missed you my friend... I am sorry it seems I have neglected my friends... your opinions and views matter so much to me.. I want you to know that.
EVEN in your darkest moments, you have the strength to reach out to others.. that is a gift my friend. It really is.
I am here and I would love to chat with you. ANYTIME

Chery

Shattered... you know I will be here for you and those that come to see this thread do have something to say, but maybe they don't know yet how to say it... It is a touchy subject, and a lot of families live with this each day and still don't know how to cope.
Society does not support it as much because it's hard to 'pinpoint' the origin, and without that, a 'cure' is next to impossible, so they leave it up to the gods of pharmaceuticals.

Has anyone given a thought why there are so many 'messies' in this world now? This is another annex of mental illness that has not been brought out, just looked at, tolerated, and written off. My theory of this symptom is that those who are hopelessly looking for their place in life, collect all they can and don't want to give it up, even if it's trash, - it's theirs - and they are not willing to give up any part of it.. That is part of their helplessness and can be corrected once they get their identity back and support in confirmation that they have just as much right to exist as anyone else - in other words, just plain acceptance as an individual.
Through this theory of mine, I have been able to help at least two individuals return to a 'normal' existence and self-respect. After long talks with them, I have learned that when they feel totally alone, lonely, helpless and hopeless, they need something around them in such abundance to prove that they are here... to include all the things they collect. After encouraging a group of young neighbors to visit them, talk to them, and help them arrange their 'possessions' - the trash was thrown out, and replaced by the need of neatness to receive these new friends once a week. It made my heart just jump for joy to see this happen.
Fear, loneliness, hopelessness and lack of respect for yourself can do serious damage and cause depression beyond a doctor's treatment if the 'patient' does not even know why they changed.
So, now I feel that when I talk to a stranger who has these symptoms, get them to open up and come out, I at least let them know that I am one person in this world who cares enough to just approach them instead of ignore them for fear that it's 'catching'.

I hope that I am making sense here. It is not catching, but everybody is vulnerable in today's society. All it takes is lack of motivation to keep on existing in this world. Once that motivation is gone, everyone can become 'infected'..

Anyway, I now understand where unmotivated people go... and we all know it is not a fun place to be and takes a lot of help and time to re-enter the world of the 'living'.

Now we just need influential leaders to recognize the symptoms and make plans, because this is a worldwide infliction, just as HIV, Post Traumatic Depression and more...

Wishing there were someone out there finally WAKING UP! How about Dr. Phil - he seems to have a big audience on TV, saw a few of his shows here - and wish he would handle more serious issues, but who am I to suggest that...

Love,

Chery

There are people active in saving animals, ecology, feeding the hungry, etc... where are the people saving a poor stressed, confused and lonely neighbor????

shatteredsoul

Every time I think I have considered all the angles, you bring more insight than I could imagine. I guess there are all kinds of problems in the world that everyone wants to help solve, but the issues involving the human mind are the most difficult to resolve. YES we do need influential people and leaders to step up, other than advocating more medicine. Medicine can help and is helpful but it doesn't help us figure out the origin of depression or mental illness. Why do so many people find themselves lonely, depressed and alienated from the rest of the world? What happens in our minds that takes us to such a desperate and helpless place.? How do we reach out to others who surround themselves with things, or put barriers up so that they are unreachable? IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I have never, ever considered myself depressed. I have never had any real earthquakes in my life to shake me out of my comfort zone and stability, UNTIL APRIL 21 2007.. the day my friends died in that plane crash.. I know that isn't what this thread is about and I am not going to change the dialogue for me.. I am simply saying that I succumbed to my sadness and disbelief and my little bubble I was living in, popped. I felt like I was falling into a deep hole of despair and I am still slowly digging my way out. I am not like I was before, I am forever changed, scarred and shattered... hence the shattered soul. BUT, I do have the ability to keep moving on, even though sometimes I really don't feel like it. I know the blessings and gifts in my life, far outweigh the sadness and the sorrow.

My point in saying this, is to say that for me, I think the origin of my sadness and depression is learning to anticipate, and handle the losses that I endure and the changes that occur and that are impending. I have never been great with change, but yet its inevitable.. and I do become attached to people quickly and losing them, no matter what the reason, always seems to take an emotional toll on me. I cannot speak for anyone else but I know that this is what I feel. I don't know how to embrace change and loss but I am slowly learning to accept what I cannot change. Having the tenacity and the courage to face what comes next, is a daily challenge, to say the least.
I don't always feel courageous, or tenacious and in fact today I feel rather sad for some reason. I don't really know why.. but I do.. I am strong for a while and then I somehow break down.. not as bad as my sister or countless others who are dealing with much more severe issues and illnesses, but none the less my heart hurts today.. and I am sharing with all of you that I am so completely imperfect and lost at times that I don't even know which way to take the next step, let alone the right path to take. Rationally I know that my purpose is to find a balance between helping others who need it and helping myself in order to grow and evolve spiritually and live out my purpose.. sometimes its just easier helping everyone else. I hope that someone out there understands my rambling because I don't even know if what I am writing makes sense...
I do wish there was someone out there to lead and help this nation in a way out of this mentally tortuous existence.. I think that if we only had to worry about surviving and not all this other petty sh!t, maybe we wouldn't have the time or the energy to be depressed.. but that is not how we live. WE are overindulged, oversaturated and we overanalyze everything that happens.. Maybe that is where we have gone wrong.. This is where the ones on the streets who are homeless maybe have it better than we do. They aren't living for material things, they aren't trying to keep up with the joneses and they aren't concerened about appearances or frivolous matters as looking young and perfect. Maybe we are the ones that need to learn from them.. Live simple.. stop looking for perfection and status and achievement but accepting who we are for what we are.. Completely and utterly flawed human beings.. maybe within that notion we can begin to be at peace????

simoneaugie

If she put herself into the care of professionals once. Help her to do it again. Not helping because she can do it for herself is correct for children, or certain situations, but not this one. Your sister wants to be helped. Help her.

Chery

Shattered..
Every time I think that I am alone in some of my views on life, boom! You again confirm that I am not and that we have more in common than just this forum.

In retrospect, my recovered mental state (from childhood trauma and a bad marriage, etc.) changed drastically again when I lost a lot of friends and co-workers on September 11th. There were at least 14 on the lists from the Pentagon and Towers, I received from other friends. I cried, mourned, and even flew over on a scheduled visit to my brother in Las Vegas and passed my exams 8 days later. But when I returned to Germany, my existence and routine workload just was not the same anymore. It took a long time to get back to 'normal' because of the impact of the loss and helplessness. Also, knowing that the entire world would never be the same brought out newer fears in me. I thought that through therapy and strength things would eventually give me my past life back. But that never happened, and never will, because as an individual I cannot do anything to prevent it from getting worse or even try to mend some of the damage that is irreversible.


So, now take you and me... and then think of all the other countless individuals who have gone through similar 'Post Traumatic Stress'.. we can glean a bit of what is happening to all of us in some way. There is no way we can just go along life, and 'shrug' off all that has happened, but we do have to somehow keep going. Knowing and seeing what the 'psychy' can do and experiencing it in person makes me understand others a lot more, but as you said, we can only do so much to help - without being totally drained ourselves.


That is also why I cannot understand why the leaders of this world don't openly admit they see this too and want to do something about it....


Before going further, I think I'll leave it at this point and thank you for starting this thread, as I am sure that it has an impact on the future somehow. I myself might not live to experience a change in 'humanity' vs. human resources in abundance, but I do pray that things will change for the better soon.


P.S. I do understand your 'rambling' and know you can understand mine..
Lots of love and hugs to you and yours!