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My sister is now in her thirties. She has suffered from depression, anxiety, and other issues since she was in high school. She is extremely intelligent, artistic and book smart but has difficulty dealing with day to day issues. She has never been diagnosed and doesn't stick with traditional therapy or medication. She is so well read on antidepressants, that she refuses to take them based on their possible side effects. She tried to committ suicide a few years ago and for awhile after she was ok. She cannot keep or make friends, make decisions, hold a job, decide where to live or what to do and is basically immobilized. She overanalyzes situations to the point of becoming overly sensitive to anxious, to downright depressed. She is married but not happily. She has a two year old and he is the one thing that keeps her going. Ironically, she is an incredible mother.
She checked herself into a mental hospital over the weekend while I was out of town. She doesn't have insurance so she wasn't able to get treatment right away. She checked out on Monday and my mother picked her up feeling very frustrated and saddened that they couldn't help her. My mom is wondering if we should put her into a private facility that would be able to evaluate her, diagnose her and medicate her properly. She realizes that it will cost thousands a day, and that she will have to put it on her credit card. We are having a difficult time finding the right place for her to go. I told my mom I will leave work and take care of my nephew until she is better. Her husband doesn't make enough to take off and there are other issues with him as well.
How do we go about finding the right place? How do we handle this? I have said in the past that I think she has Asperger's Syndrome ( a form of autism) although she has never had a doctor tell her that. I have spoke with specialists and her childhood and behavior resemble my sister almost perfectly. My father thinks she has early symptoms of schizophrenia. I don't think that is what she has but no one knows.
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!!
Well, I haven't been on for awhile so I don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate and need your thoughts, advice or ideas on how to deal with the issue of mental illness within family.. I think that so many people have opened my eyes to the internal struggle that they face in having to explain, justify and have others understand what they are going through. WE think its tough to know or love someone with mental illness, it is 10,000 times tougher for them. My dad explained it to me like this. When you look at someone who has a physical impairment or disability, we understand that they are limited in certain ways. We do not have the same patience, funding, research or understanding, when it comes to someone who is struggling within themselves, even though it causes impairment, disability, or an inability to connect with others or deal with life., This is where we need to wake up as a society and start bridging the gaps in our awareness. NOt everyone has the same symptoms, many medications are very new and we do not know what reprecussions they have, sometimes until too late, and most of the time it just covers up the symptoms and doesn't deal with the source of where it stems from.
We live in a society that wants fast and easy answers. WE want instant gratification. (at least in the U.S.) We cannot take something so delicate and misunderstood and put big generalizations on everyone. I have also learned that many people who struggle have helped themselves, more than anyone else has helped them. People also learn to deal with and manage their illnesses alone, because of the lack of support.
That is just plain sad. THat is not acceptable. I don't have any answers but that is perfectly clear to me.
MY question to all of you that have responded, or have read this and thought they have some insight to this, WHAT DO WE DO TO BRING AWARENESS and UNDERSTANDING TO THIS?? HOW do we help? I know that being understanding and supportive does help.
I know that insisting on medication is not the best answer. I have looked into some of the websites mentioned.
I want to know how we can make alternative medicine and more natural approaches to this, more available to the public.
We are dealing with the largest giant of a money making machine, it is going to be like fighting Goliath... THE Pharmacutical companies are largely responsible for our doctors, hospitals and mental health care workers pushing drugs on everyone. THe kickbacks they get are hard to deny, and just look at t.v. during the day. Almost every commercial is a drug pushing ad about your symptoms and how to take a pill to make it go away... IT is pathetic.
I am going to do my part and try to bring awareness to that , but I need your help.
FINALLY, my reason for going off on this tyrade is... my mom's best friend of 40 years has a son of 21 who has been suffering from depression and anxiety since he was like 12. His parents have money, the best resources and treatment available and have fought around the clock to help him. He also had a serious drug problem with heroine. They got him sober and out of treatment. He went off his meds and then back on... WEll He committed suicide on Sunday.
He took an entire bottle of ZOLOFT and drank alcohol. His parents found him in his room with a note. He said he just couldn't take it anymore. I feel so sad, it brings up all these emotions and concerns about my sister. My parents are worried and so distraught. I know that there isn't anyone specific to blame, but it is another life gone because of MENTAL ILLNESS..
I love my sister, I support her, and I will never EVER give up on her.
I wanted all of you to know what is going on, because you have all been so honest and open on here. IT means the world to me, to have your deepest issues and emotions put out, to help and support my sister and I.
My friends, reach out and continue this... Let's do what we can to be aware, to understand, and to learn.
Yes, in fact my mom was friends with her before she had me. My mom was a nun in the convent and met her in her 3rd year as a postulate, when they were allowed to go to college.
She is an amazing woman and she tried for 10 Years to have a baby. THen she had three in a row. I was like 10 when her first was born. They are all incredibly bright and beautiful kids... Sebastian is the one who took his life. Beautiful Sebastian. His mother and father feel so defeated. My mother's heart is broken for her best friend.. I think it also makes her think of my sister.
Firm, thanks for responding...XO
It is so sad........i don't know what to say. But i guess now more than ever you'll probably be standing by your sister's side, knowing that she could sometime have a fragile moment and do something.
I stand with you in you trying to reach out to people so that society can be more aware of all this. It is something that just has to be done, it cannot keep going on in the dark. I know from my own experience that it really is hard to deal with these types of illnesses. One minute it seems like there might be hope, the next you just feel tired of life like this. Had i listened to those thoughts of 'i can't take it anymore' i wouldn't be here, i would've been long gone.
And yeah i support what you're saying, how America thinks that just by taking a pill it'll all be fine, but it just isn't. And until we get everything clear in our head, it'll keep going on. So whatever you want to do about this just say it and i'm here to support. Your sister needs you, we need you. Great idea.
So sorry about what happened to that young man.
I wanted to share with all of you what Sebastian's brother said about him at his memorial. I know that this thread is about my sister and her situation, but this has directly affected all of us. Our entire family is in awe of the love and support that have been put forth from everyone who knew him. My mother sent me this message from Sebastian's mom and I thought it would appropriate to share with all of you. I appreciate you reading these words and commenting on however you feel about it.
My mom had a terrible time telling my sister what happened. I think we were all fearing her reaction. However, I think she handled it as best as she could.
Here you go......
These were Eric's words at Sebastian's memorial service. He really knew him well and appreciated his uniqueness:
I think it is a testament to the richness of Sebastian's soul that despite his monumental suffering and heartaches, he could allow himself to celebrate the absurdities of day to day life. At the moment, the brunt of my sadness is that i know i will never meet anyone who could make me laugh as long and as hard as he could. But even though right now my heart is broken, Sebastian left me a wealth of smiles and laughs, enough to last me an eternity. This doesn't soften the blow, but allows me a pleasant, peaceful place to drift when the tempestuous waves of my family's griefs seem unconquorable.
I laugh when I think about us getting lost in GErmany together, where Sebastian suggested that we should just give up and start our lives anew as "German people." I smile when I become self-conscious aroung strangers or unfriendly acquaintances, because I know that if he were there, he would try to catch my attention, so he could make wickedly inappropriate yet wickedly funny face to ease my tension.The memories he gave me are more precious and unique than anything I could ever hope to own. I know that some of you never met him and for that I'm sorry. His astounding intellect and cutting wit were ony matched by his gentle nature and infinite generosity, all traits he owned modestly, and shared with complete strangers as well as loved ones. I am proud to have been his big brother, and also consider myself so fortunate to have had him as my best friend.
I would like to share something with you all, something that Sebastian had written. It is written in an unconventional poetic way and seems to be an untitled personal manifesto. I think it's the most beautiful thing I have ever read and to hear these words of his is to know the wonderful depth of Sebastian:
I am for now, no longer looking at the complications of existence (that I unintentionally choke myself with through voracious observation) as insurmountable, but as a challenge that I am ready to accept or that I will gladly accept when I have more independence.
I want to:
-read about the physical sciences and mathematics so I can undestand the properties of my restrictions and dream up ways to overcome them.
-stick with linguistics and learn as much as possible about our primary source of communication, apply rhetorics, expand my vocabulary to maximize self-expression through language.
-As for the intangible (yet somehow undetectable) blanks in this plane of consciousness, they will be filled, in as they traditonally are, through art and music.
My sister and I had a long conversation the other night about the difficulties of speaking of our brother in the past tense. How funny he was, how smart he was, how talented he was. But Hillary and I agreed that we will never refer to our love for Sebstian in the past tense. We love him now as we always did and always will
What his brother said about him really touched my heart. I wanted to share it with the people that also have a way of doing the same thing....
I wanted to add that although it is difficult for those of us who love or live with someone who suffers like Eric did, ultimately we see past those things and see those we care about as human beings with so many gifts to offer. Thank you to my friends who read this and share their thoughts. I care about everyone single one of you.
Hello ss. Firstly let me say how lucky your sister is to have someone like you, she is truly blessed. I to have had problems with my mental health since my early twenties, I'm now 34. I've read your thoughts and the thoughts of other in this post and there is some very good advice. While I know some people are very against the use of medication to treat mental disorders, speaking from experience I feel they have a very important place in help people to address their problems and learn to overcome then. Believe me I really thought that my life was over once and seriously considered taking my own life. Only with the intervention of medication was I able to get a grasp on reality and reclaim my life back. I now have a pretty normal life and a wonderful wife and children, all of which was incomprehensible back then.
I hope you can see that medication does have its place and saves lives.
I really wish you and you family well with everything
Disciple72, I want to thank you for thoughts and interest in this thread. It has been very difficult trying to find the right way to be supportive and helpful, without being overbearing and creating more dependency. I agree that medication can be very helpful. I know it is not easy to diagnose, or decide which medication is appropriate. I am glad that you were able to come so far, and have such a productive and fulfilling life. The difference in your situation is that you were open to using medication, and my sister isn't. She is so well read on antidepressants and has an overwhelming fear regarding the side effects. I also know that some medications, when stopped, cause suicidal thoughts in some people. Sebastian was a severely depressed and anxious young man. He was very bright, articulate and loving, but was also addicted to heroine. He was on medication and in and out of therapy and rehabs for years. He had just come home from his last bout with rehab and seemed to be doing well. However, a couple days before he died, he starting drinking and his parents found him on the couch passed out. His mother told him that if he didn't stay sober or continue to fight for his life, he could not continue to stay in their house. He asked her, "ARe you sure about that?" She said yes. I am sure that conversation has resonated with her and made her wonder what she could have done different.
That is what is so hard, everyone around those struggling with some sort of mental issue, don't know the right thing to do or to say. I fought with my sister when she lived with me when I was pregnant with my son, and told her if she didn't like it, to leave. Two days later I got a call from Florida Medical Center that she was in ICU for a drug overdose. There is so much frustration, helplessness and guilt that seems to circulate amongst ourselves. I don't know how to take that and turn it into something positive and helpful. It was this thread that made me think that maybe by reaching out to others who suffer, that I may gain clarity and insight. I also want to respond in a way that is effective and helpful. I think in the past that my family and I have done too much, and that has caused resentment in my sister and sense of inferiority and feeling incapable. She doesn't feel like a grown up and doesn't have a sense of self. She relies on us too much and then hates herself and us to an extent because of it. I know she loves us, it is more a hatred for herself. IT feels we are spinning our wheels and I want to get out of this rut and move forward. I cannot change her or anyone else, but maybe by my growing, changing and understanding others like her and you.. maybe I can help make a difference and encourage her in a different way. Please continue to share, it means the world to me. I don't feel so alone in the fight, when others like you reach out and care.
Oh my Shattered. I am so so sorry for all that you have been going through. Sabastian's brother did an outstanding job remembering his brother. I think it is so important for you and your family to have an open line of communication with your sister over this. Which it sounds like you are doing. The most important thing is that she knows you are there. No matter how angry she gets, she knows that you will be there.
You are a strong strong lady. Please know you can count on us for support.
Thanks Tusc, just you coming over here and supporting me gives me strength. It has been a tough year for me all the way around.. but there are so many people who suffer so much more. I have to keep it in perspective. I try to stay focused and determined but sometimes I feel so weak. You guys give me hope when I start to feel down and defeated. So I reach out to you to find strength within.... thanks my friend
WHAT DO WE DO?? She is very indecisive and becomes combative and argumentative easily. We don't want to scare her, we want to help her. I think she is asking for help if she went and checked herself in somewhere. However, she tends to withdraw from us and then it is difficult to get her to do what we want or think she needs. HELP!!!! I am so scared and sad and worried and feel so helpless, my mother is a wreck. She has been seeing a therapist on how to handle my sister and how to respond to her. She has stopped taking care of her financially because he thinks we have rendered her helpless and created a sense of dependency but with this, if we don't help her, then she may continue to spiral into a place that we cannot pull her out of!! HELP!!!!! 
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