[medicmommy204]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months now. We have a good, strong relationship but lately we've hit a speedbump. We met online and hit it off right away. In short, he's the very one I've been looking for. I am 6 months pregnant. The father and I have not spoken in 5 months. I called it off with him when he demanded I get an abortion. Come to find out, he also had a girlfriend he hid from me the whole course of our relationship. My current boyfriend knew the situation when we first started talking and he stepped up to the plate. He's been helpful, supportive, understanding, has gone to appointments (even the ultrasound), and even came up with the first name for my baby. We are both firefighters. He is a chief and I have been in for 2 years so we both have an understanding for the stresses the job brings. We have the same goals, we want the same things in life, we're headed in the same direction in life, we have the same interests, supportive, understanding, and we even agree on how to raise my son. (he already has a 3 year old son)

The only differences are our rank (he carries more stress and responsibilities with his rank) and the fact that I'm an extrovert and he's an introvert. We never argue and if there's any disagreement, we talk it through without raising our voices or getting emotional. There are literally no dealbreakers in our relationship and it has been thus far very healthy. We've already expressed that we love each other, have discussed the possibility of moving in together down the road, we've been very happy (even he said he's happy), and he even told me one night before we fell asleep that I'm his better half and he could see himself growing old with me. (even told his friends the same)

The weekend of Sept 10, we spent from that Saturday into Monday afternoon together. Our first weekend together. He had to work that Friday night and when he got off, he came to my house, help set up for a baby party we were having. All of my family and close friends were there. He got along with everyone very well and they all loved him. After the party, we went to a baseball game and had a great time. When the game was over, we went to some friends' house having a party and had another great time. All in all, it was a wonderful day. Not a thing could've made it better. The love, affection, and attention he was showing me was like nothing I have ever seen or known. I was already sure I wanted to be with him but that day sealed it for me. He told me that night that no matter what, he would always love me. I asked him why he said that and he just said because you never know.

Sunday was 9/11 and he watched coverage almost all day. We went to church for a memorial service and went bac to his place. He was in a bit of a somber/cranky mood. We still cuddled some and he wasn't cold or dismissive toward me. I could only watch but so much of the coverage so we ordered a pizza and watched a couple movies. By Monday, he was back to normal. He was a little quiet but he was still affectionate. We went out for a little bit and after we came back to his place. We wrestled, tickled each other, and played some (nonsexually). We cuddled for a while before I had to leave in the afternoon to have the tires on my car replaced. He walked me out to my car like he always does, hugged, kissed, and was said we love each other.

That night, he had to work and I didn't really hear from him. I took that to mean he was busy but I still heard nothing. Tuesday, I still wasn't hearing much. A few texts here and there but that was it. By Wednesday, I was starting to get worried. This wasn't like him since we have always been close and text/talk throughout the day. A mutual friend of ours called me and asked what was going on. I told her about all of it and that I was worried. She said he gets like this from time to time and she would find out what's going on. She called me back and said she talked to him. There was a lot going on at the firehouse and he was pretty overwhelmed. Between fights over the schedule, a courtcase about donation money pending, buying a new fire truck, etc. He was really having a full plate. She said he told her I did nothing wrong and shouldn't worry or beat myself up. He texted me and said he would talk to me about everything. He never did. Thursday, still not much. Our friend called him back and told him he was being a jerk and that he needed to call me. That I didn't deserve this and if he was going to break up with me, he needed to do it. He texted again and said we would talk.

Friday night, I told him I couldn't sleep and I really needed to talk to him so he called. We talked some about what was going on but he said he couldn't go into detail right now. I asked if he was going to break up with me and he said no. That if he was going to do it, he would be a man and do it in person. He just needed some space. Didn't clarify on what space was for him. Over the next couple days, I continued to text him to try and cheer him up and let him know I was there for him.

Come Monday, it had been a week since we had seen each other. I wanted to come see him but he said no. We texted some more. He later sent me a text telling me how he needed space and I wasn't giving it to him. That he was so overwhelmed and was sorry if that hurt but it's what he needed. Ready to let it go, I just told him good night and not to give up on us. A few minutes later, another text came through saying that he thinks with everything going on right now, he thinks it's best if he breaks it off. He said he was sorry and he understood if I hated him and was mad but I'm a good woman and I don't deserve to be dragged into any of what he's going through. He apologized again. I texted him and said he needed to call me. He did. He said all the same things over again. He told me I had been coming on too strong and he just felt this was the best thing for right now. He said when he gets overwhelmed, he removes himself from everything extra but he comes back around. He told me he wasn't going anywhere and he would still be around. He said he hoped that everything would be resolved in 2 weeks. (next Monday will be the end of that 2 weeks).

I let him get everything he wanted to say off his chest then I told him that I had something to say. I told him that I appreciated him looking our for me but that I was a grown woman and could decide for myself what's fair and what's not. That he really makes me very happy and means a lot to me. Because he's going through a lot, I wasn't going to leave him and head for the hills. I know a lot of women told him before they would leave but I was different and I'm really not going to leave him. I told him that since this was the first time we really talked about what was going on with him, I didn't understand the importance of how much space he needed. That my thought was to try and cheer him up and to show him that I was there for him. I asked him if I had taken the wrong approach, could we try it with the right approach of me giving him his space before he calls it off. He said yes. We'll see where it goes and he wasn't going to make any promises. I asked him if he already had his mind made up about us breaking up and he said no.

Since that night, I have scarcely contacted him through texts. Wednesday, my phone broke and I called everyone I knew to see if there was a spare phone I could use. One friend had a spare line but said I could use it only for a day or two until I got something. I had no choice but to call him and ask if I could use one of the two spare ones he had. He had already gotten rid of one and the other one didn't work anymore. We talked for a minute, then that was it. The last time I contacted him was Saturday because some friends of mine invited him to a party. He said thank you but he was relaxing for the night. He had to work the next day and fly to Alabama on Monday (today). There is a fire truck they are going to look at and hopefully buy.

I asked if he still needed space and he said yes. I then let him know I was still there for him and when he wanted to talk, to let me know. That I missed him and if he needed space, I would continue to give him some. I left it at that. I don't think at this point I should contact him anymore and see how the week plays out. He comes back Wednesday sometime. The treasurer said that if they buy the truck, it'll take a lot off him. We both have Facebook profiles and we have that we're in a relationship with each other. We also have some pictures together up. Neither of which have been changed or came down from his or mine. He's very blunt and direct so I think they would have been taken down and changed if he was that serious and I think he would've stuck to his guns if he really wanted to break up.

What I need is some sound advice. Some of my friends say I'm dumb for holding on to him for this long after barely any communication and for putting me through this. I tell them all the same thing. I love him very dearly and I know that even though he's not acting like it, he loves me too. If you love someone enough and feel it's right, you would do what it takes within reason to make it work. I have even asked myself if I'm holding on because I'm pregnant. I had to sit down and think on that one for a few days. I'm not holding onto him because of that. Even if I weren't pregnant, I would still be holding on and hoping.

What should I do? How can I make this right?

[udaysz]

I like to quote something "true love never fails". Your love towards him is really appreciable and he is lucky to have it. The thing is when you love someone more you are affectionate and takes more care of him. Sometimes this causes trouble due to circumstances. Firstly know about the situations he was going through and then you can do your part well. Of course when you are in love you live in a world everything made of love but you live in a practical world whose where everything is made by money or some other things so there is a lot of difference between the two worlds. When he is asking you for the "space" it doesn't mean that he want to break up with you or he doesn't love you he was under the situations where he is not able to take care of you as he does before.

"Faith" is more important for a relationship to survive have faith in yourself and in him. Don't think that he is going to break up with or he is in a dilemma to do that... everything will be fine and I wish you to have a happy ending.. take care..
My only advice is to just turn yourself according to the circumstances...

[medicmommy204]

Thank you so much for that. It's very inspirational and I am going to keep that faith. When we were close and in contact, getting together, etc. he was just as in it as I was. I know the best thing I can do for now is to give him his space and wait for him to come around. That's the hardest thing to do when the two of us were so close. I did find out however that when he went to Alabama, two other people went. The president of the dept and the ems captain. The ems captain happens to be an ex of his. They were together for 2 years off and on. When they finally ended it, it was on very devostating terms. She cheated on him numerous times. They've remained best of friends though. I've asked his friends about her and they all said I shouldn't worry about her because they'll never go down that road again. But part of it still makes you wonder. What are the sleeping arrangements going to be like? Needless to say, it's a very uncomfortable situation for me. I don't mind him being friends with any exes and as a matter in fact, he's been friends with many of them as I have with some of mine. One of his exes is now actually a good friend of mine. The mutual friend I mentioned. I do have an almost instinctual feeling that everything will work out and it could just perhaps be the overanalytical mind we as women have combined with horomones. Lol. Still, I'm prepared in case it doesn't end in prince charming coming in on the white horse and riding off with the princess into a happily ever after. I just hope I see the horse prancing in soon. Again, thank you.

[martinizing2]

Two months is not enough time to even begin to know someone.

I think you are rushing things way way too fast.

You may have all the faith in the world but it takes two people with faith, understanding, communication , and the willingness to work together to make a relationship work.

[0rphan]

Hi Medic... it sounds wonderful the love between you both,almost perfect, except for this latest blip.

This incident seems to have happened out of the blue,one minute your both totally in love, everything is rosey, then in your boyfriends department something changes!! I'm not necessarily saying he has changed toward you at all, but I get the feeling that there is a secret somewhere! It's just a feeling and that may not be the case.You have not known him for very long,maybe there is some part of his life that he needs to tell you about or maybe there is something going on right now that he doesn't want you to find out about,I'm not sure!

The only thing you can do is give him the space that he needs for now,there probably is a genuine reason for it, that, he will explain in due course.He does at least owe you an explanation.

Try to leave him alone for as long as you are able,if the bond is as strong between you both as you think it is,he will be back in his own time,when he is ready.I know this will be very hard but there is every possibility that he is totally genuine,it would be a crying shame if you pressured him at this time,which resulted in you both losing, what could be the love of your life... give it time

[medicmommy204]

Thank you Orphan. I am going to give him the time and space he needs. I found out from a friend that his ex is currently in a relationship and she is very happy with him so it's not very likely for either to step into something while they're gone. The crew is actually coming back tonight. I do know there are some things about his past that he hasn't opened up about yet. I don't feel that they're bad things. In the last weekend that we spent together, he opened up about something that happened a few years ago that he's only told a handful of people about. He told me he doesn't just tell anyone this and the fact that he told me means that I have a better shot than the other girls he's been with. I feel that with him opening up about the one thing that was pretty significant to him, more would be to follow in the future. A friend asked him Saturday how he and I were doing and he said we were doing fine. I don't know if that was just a way to avoid a discussion or if he genuinely meant it. She said he didn't seem at all off when he said it, but we'll see. I am continuing to give him his space. In the meantime, I'm posting certain things on my Facebook about going out and having fun, etc. to show him I'm not just waiting around crying in sweatpants. Nothing posted directly about our relationship or him. Not even about missing him. Have not contacted him since Saturday. Yes, you're very right it is hard but who would I be to deny him something he needs? I still feel like he will be back around and I'm hoping I'm right. Thank you again!

[martinizing2]

Two months is not enough time to even begin to know someone.

I think you are rushing things way way too fast.

You may have all the faith in the world but it takes two people with faith, understanding, communication , and the willingness to work together to make a relationship work.

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Advice is not always what you want to hear . If you only listen to what you want to hear why ask?

I stand by what I said.


__________________

[medicmommy204]

I appreciate what you said, don't get me wrong and I understand that sometimes it's not what you want to hear. I didn't find it that helpful because there wasn't any real advice. I'm sorry and I don't mean any offense.

[martinizing2]

I appreciate what you said, don't get me wrong and I understand that sometimes it's not what you want to hear. I didn't find it that helpful because there wasn't any real advice. I'm sorry and I don't mean any offense.

I wasn't offended and you need not apologize. I evidently was not clear .

My advice is to step back and look at what you say is a good strong relationship.
I think 2 months is not enough time to know someone well enough to say they are for sure the one you want to spend your life with.

You may be seeing more in this than he does , much more.
Saying he is happy now and can see growing old with you is not a commitment to do so or even a promise to feel that way in the morning.

I feel you would be better off dating for several months and really get to know each other and be sure you are both on the same page as to where you stand .

You may have overwhelmed him .

I try not to sound cold and calloused , but since I am it often comes out that way but my intentions are to help.

[JoeCanada76]

2 months is not really a long relationship. Sounds like he is struggling with some of his own personal demons. None of us can tell what is going on.

Question is do you want to be strung along. How long do you want things to be left up in the air?

You need to figure this out, and make some choices if he is not willing to settle it some how.

[mmresd]

Looks like he doesn't want anything serious and he doesn't know if he wants to be with you or not. Leave him, make his choice easy, if he makes up his mind then you will have a choice, if he doesn't then at least you won't be hanging onto someone who doesn't even know what he wants to be with you.

[talaniman]

He told me I had been coming on too strong and he just felt this was the best thing for right now. He said when he gets overwhelmed, he removes himself from everything extra but he comes back around. He told me he wasn't going anywhere and he would still be around. He said he hoped that everything would be resolved in 2 weeks.

In case you may be confused, all your threads have been merged and edited for the full story.

I think you have been missing some very obvious changes that have occurred, and why. The key issue here is your pregnancy, not only have you come to depend on this fellow, you have overwhelmed him, and he told you as much. I can understand it, but for now, he can't deal with it. Can you blame him? Its was 60 days, and look how fast things have happened in those 60 days.

Of course he needs space to get his head around this situation, because it's a helluva adjustment to go from 0 to 60, and have all this happen. Yes he needs some space and plenty of it. I know you are a bit more needy, and I imagine if this is your first, SCARED. He knows that too, but its really way to soon to be thinking permanent, and I bet he is concerned what happens after you deliver.

The love talk is great, but reality is a b1tch when it hits, and trust me, he is being hit with it.

Rule of thumb, to much, to fast, crash and burn, and in addition you have another problem here you may not be aware of, you have jumped very quickly, from one guy to another, and carrying the other guys child, and its been full steam ahead since you and this fellow got together.

You don't need to slowdown, you need to come to a complete stop, back way off this guy to the point of NO calls or texts at all, and focus on being healthy, and bringing a healthy child into the world. Its tough right now, and I understand that, but I highly advise you let this guy come to you in his own time, his own way. WITHOUT your influence.

I know, you both were caught up in the moment, and made big plans for the future, but to be honest, they were premature, and short sighted. But love does that, especially when your in a world of chaos, hurt, and in need. He was a miracle wasn't he?

He is human, and had the best intentions, but you both have different methods, and styles. Leave him alone a while and just focus on you, and don't worry about what he does, because what's important is what you do.

Have your child and build a life that's happy and healthy for you both. Depend on yourself, not him, and with everything else going on, the last thing you need is a guy you cannot count on, nor should you because the bottom line is you squeezed at least two years of emotions into 60 very short days and that's not fair to anyone, or is it an easy thing to deal with.

He couldn't handle it the way you wanted, so leave him alone to see how he will. But its your life, and your business to own, and deal with.

Good luck, and have a healthy child.