[sadsilly]

ARGH SORRY the title is supposed to be "my ex wants me to hate him". I have no idea what I wrote. Apologies!

Hello everyone,
ARGH I'm so stressed at the moment, in the middle of exams but I'm crying everyday and having these stupid random breakdowns in the middle of the day.

My boyfriend broke up with me in February, after 2 years - we were each others first loves. At first I thought it was mutual, we had been having difficulties, my parents haaated him and so it was always difficult for us to see each other. I really loved him, and I thought he really loved me. Throughout the relationship, he was always very intense and very serious about the relationship, but I never wanted a super serious one but I still really really loved him. Anyhow, he broke up with me in February and said basically it was completely my fault, because "you never did enough for me, you never loved me enough".

At first, I was sort of relieved, because it was so hard being in between my parents and him. (I'm 22 btw). On the second day after our breakup, this guy asked me out after he asked where my boyfriend was and I explained that we had broken up. Anyway, I went to see my ex later that night and I told him, and he was angry that I told that guy we had broken up, because he said we should keep the news to ourselves. I had been really upset that day because I found out he had slept over at this girl's house - he had met her like a week ago whilst I was overseas. I asked about her and why he did that, and he gave me suspicious answers. So I asked him "does she like you?" and he said some stupid crap like "I'm not sure" and I asked if he liked her , and he said "I might get with her in a few months, she's SOOOOOOO MUCH FUN, and her parents aren't here." I Was sooooooooo upset. Really sad. A few weeks later he siad that he only said that to hurt me because he was angry that some guy hit on me and I "didn't do enough to show u were interested" even though I pushed him away, todl him I wasn't ready for a relationship, etc.

I think 2 months later, I found out my ex and that girl got together. I've always thought he cheated on me, and he lied and hid her sooo many times. He could never tell me the truth about her.

Anyway, it's been like 9 months and I'm stillllll crying everyday. I loved him so much, but he blames it entirely on me, which is just unfair. I don't understand him at all, its like I never knew him at all.

I guess the point of this post is because I'd love to hear from anyone who has any advice for me. I did briefly see a guy but argh I couldn't stop comparing and it just didn't work out. One of my ex' friends called me the other night to tell me to get over my ex, he's not good enough for me, that I will definitely find someone better, etc. And then he told me that my ex said to him "I want her to hate me". WHHY WHY WHY would he want that, after he knows I'm so so so heartbroken over him, and I accep twe're not getting back together. But randomly he'll say mean hurtful comments to me.

I's like I never meant anythign to him at all.

I think I rambled a lot just then. I apologise if it makes no sense =(

[enigmagnetic]

did briefly see a guy but argh I couldn't stop comparing and it just didn't work out.

I would figure your ex would make any man look better not the other way around. He sounds like a terribly vain and self centered individual. Whatever mistakes you made he made more than his fair share. He treated you with no respect.

It takes time to heal. You have to cut off all sources of your ex, that is anything that has to do with him. Whether its stuff he has given you or contact in general. Get yourself in shape emotionally and physically. Start working out, join a club of something you have interest. Start volunteering. You have to will it to happen. You have to try and heal. It's the only way. You have to get your self-esteem to a higher place than where it is. You barely have thought about how cruel this guy was. First he breaks off with you then he tells you his exact intentions with another woman. Now he admits intentions to try and hurt you. He's one sadistic SOB. You just have to focus on getting away from anything that has to do with him and focus on you.

[jolienoire]

This is a blessing you are not with this guy, You deserve better, it's not the quantity of how long you been with someone but the quality of the relationship while you were involved.. Why do you care what he thinks? Don't make him the center of your happiness you control what bothers you and what don't. I advise you to forget about him, and live your life.. He has a lot of growing up to do, He lies, he cheats, he is not being honest with his feelings.. my next advice would be to cut the umbilical cord, you should not be in contact with him at all or anyone who keeps updating you on his life... He is an EX for a reason, be happy you are not with him, and don't worry about what he says to others.. Just be happy because in the end the only person responsible for your own happiness is YOU

[sadsilly]

Aww thank u very very much for your responses. It means so much to me.
I guess it's because it was first love? I don't know, I just never ever realised I could feel this way.

I suppose to be fair, he wasn't always so mean. I think he changed a lot, unfortunately, after he met that girl. It just hurts SO much. I don't know really, I'm just crying at the drop of a hat now but its been like 9 months - way too loing to be doing that I think.

I just can't get over how much he lied. All that crap about 'not wanting a relationship, I still have feelings for u'. He and that stupid girl started seeing each other like 1 week after we broke up, but pffffft that's what he says. In reality, I think he picked a fight with me, and they were together when I was overseas - which was 1 week only. To be gone for one week and to have him find someone else, that's honestly really crap. I guess it's because she really chased him, and I've heard rumours about how easy and skanky she is. Even his best friend told me he has no respect for her, because "she's a slut". But now they're in an official relationship. I don't understand at all, but I guess there's no point in trying to figure it out anyway.

The worst thing was that for this whole year we had class together. I saw him everday, it was torture. I tried my best to be on civil terms, because I didn't want the added stress of like everyday being uncomfortable around him and classmates, but then he would randomly say things like "I want to f#$* around, there are so many girls I want to sleep with". WOW that hurt a lot. I cut contact with him many many times, but I really missed him, and if he ever contacted me I'd always pick up on his calls, reply, etc. which in hindsight was very wrong of me.

So I guess it's only now that I can truly move on because school is finishing, and that's it. IT makes me both sad and happy. Sad that a person I loved so much will never be a part of my life again, and happy because maybe now I can move on and get on with life.

Anyway thank u so much for replying and reading that long rambling post. It seriously made little sense, so I appreciate that u did that!

[jolienoire]

Aww thank u very very much for your responses. It means so much to me.
I guess it's because it was first love? I don't know, I just never ever realised I could feel this way.

I suppose to be fair, he wasn't always so mean. I think he changed a lot, unfortunately, after he met that girl. It just hurts SO much. I don't know really, I'm just crying at the drop of a hat now but its been like 9 months - way too loing to be doing that i think.

The worst thing was that for this whole year we had class together. I saw him everday, it was torture. I tried my best to be on civil terms, because I didn't want the added stress of like everyday being uncomfortable around him and classmates, but then he would randomly say things like "I want to f#$* around, there are so many girls I want to sleep with". WOW that hurt a lot. I cut contact with him many many times, but I really missed him, and if he ever contacted me I'd always pick up on his calls, reply back, etc. which in hindsight was very wrong of me.

So I guess it's only now that I can truly move on because school is finishing, and that's it. IT makes me both sad and happy. Sad that a person I loved so much will never be a part of my life again, and happy because maybe now I can move on and get on with life.

Anyway thank u so much for replying and reading that long rambling post. It seriously made little sense, so I appreciate that u did that!

Ppl that love you don't hurt you, he is being a jerk, and you will meet someone who is worth being with and would never disrepect or belittle you... I was married for 6 years, my husband cheated I got over him, he remarried, while I am still single, I thank god for allowing me to go through it it made me a stronger better person... You're better off without him, and stop answering his calls change your number... stay away from him... First love was all he was nothing more. He is a different person now, think of it that way,

[enigmagnetic]

The reason why you are still crying is because he has still been around and influenced you. That is why it is crucial that you cut him off totally. First love is hard to get over, but you'll be a much stronger and wiser person after this. That guy ticks me off. A real man wouldn't treat you like that.

[sadsilly]

Thanks again for writing.

I guess I am better from like a few months ago. Definitely much better, I was all over the place a few months back, in a really bad way.

It's so sad to see someone change like that, someone you thought u could always trust, and depend on. I guess it will be a good lesson to learn from, but right now, it's pretty painful.

Thank you so much for your advice. I truly appreciate it.
It really made me feel better, and a bit more at ease to get that all out for the way. Thank u!

It's good to hear that u jolienoire could move on so well. I can't wait till I can look back and actually be grateful for becoming stronger. It's just made me terrified of getting into another relationship and I suppose I need to be strong on my own, and be independent again, as clichéd as that sounds.

[ISneezeFunny]

Yeah... I'm not sure how to phrase this in plain english so that it jumps out of the page... but...

HUGE d-bag.

Sometimes I read these posts and wonder, really? Are there really guys like that out there? How come people haven't kicked their asses? Karma's a b*tch if it really exists.

Yeah, don't worry about this kid. Not worth anything. The kid breaks up with you and has the nerve to get mad about other guys... while getting together with other girls. What a dumbass.

I don't even know you, but anyone deserves better. The kid deserves to be run over by something large.