Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    starsbooty's Avatar
    starsbooty Posts: 119, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member
    		  
    #1

    Jan 22, 2007, 11:15 AM
    Selfish or denial
    My mother had to be rushed to er on Friday night, has been hospitalized and is not doing very well.. I know this is all so real, but for some reason I keep telling myself, "whatever she is fine" like nothing is wrong with her, and even though I know its not anywhere near good rightnow, I feel like I'm worried about being alone, not her. I think subconciously I know I am worried for her and her getting well.. whatthe hell is going on? Am I being selfish or is this some form of denial? Please tell me..
    thedogghater's Avatar
    thedogghater Posts: 31, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
    		  
    #2

    Jan 22, 2007, 11:20 AM
    Frist I am sorry that you are going threw this.but it sounds like denial,don't be hard on yourself you are human,and the thought of loseing a loved one is very hard for anyone and everybody deals with things in there own way.iam not expert but I think it is normal and don't beat yourself up over it just try to be there for her.I hope this helps you out some and wish you the best
    starsbooty's Avatar
    starsbooty Posts: 119, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member
    		  
    #3

    Jan 22, 2007, 12:22 PM
    Thank u,
    Lacey's Avatar
    Lacey Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #4

    Jan 25, 2007, 08:23 PM
    My response is it's fear of loss, fear of change... and yes, denial...
    Don't think you don't care or something's wrong with you... it's you trying to shield yourself from overwhelming pain... sort of yourself defense

    How's Mom doing?
    chippers's Avatar
    chippers Posts: 440, Reputation: 88
    Full Member
    		  
    #5

    Jan 25, 2007, 08:52 PM
    I am sorry to hear your mom is doing poorly. It's our natural defense to deny anything is truly wrong and they will be fine in a day or two.
    Rest assured you are not being selfish, just trying to think positive about a tough situation. Especially dealing with our loved ones. Denial is normal in these circumstances. Seeing them ill we go into a kind of shock as a way to protect us from the bad.
    Talk with the doctors and take one day at a time. I'll say a prayer for you
    starsbooty's Avatar
    starsbooty Posts: 119, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member
    		  
    #6

    Jan 26, 2007, 07:48 AM
    Thak you all, she is still in the hospital, not doing as bad but not good, she is not sure when she is coming home though, I've just put this in gods hands and I know he will do the right thing, again thank you all so much!
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
    Expert
    		  
    #7

    Jan 26, 2007, 08:24 AM
    Star,

    I am in the same predicament as you. My father was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night last Saturday. He has multiple problems, all of which can be long lasting but terminal in their own ways. We are also awaiting results on my mother-in-law that may be terminal also.

    Yes, you are in denial, not selfish. This is our mind's way of handling such a tough situation. It is a coping mechanism of sorts. As Chippers said, you can only take it one day at a time.

    Talk to the nurses (that is what we are there for), get to know everything that is going on. And, yes, God will take care of it all.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
    		  
    #8

    Jan 26, 2007, 08:26 AM
    The mind has a built-in buffer zone that allows us to take harsh news in small bites. I am sorry to hear about your mom's illness and I hope for her a solid recovery. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself as this is a load for anyone. Are you routinely visiting her in the hospital? That will help to 'normalise' it for you.

    When my mother died, I would awaken having forgetten that she had. And then realise it and go through the first feelings again and again. It was annoying to me but I learned it is a natural part of the grieving process, the first stage called shock. When the day comes for you experience this kind of loss, remember that grief is a process with identifiable stages to it. In the meantime, enjoy your mom as much as possible even in the hospital, okay?
Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions
 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Cold, selfish, and mean mother [ 8 Answers ]

I am 46 years old, and never have figured out why my mother is mean, selfish, and frankly is a liar for no apparent reason. When my brother passed away 10 years ago, she said there was no will, or probate deal. Come to find out... he DID have a $100,000 estate which she has denied. My siblings and...

Is it really THAT selfish? [ 21 Answers ]

Last summer I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years to see another man. The other man was someone I was only acquainted with in my youth, but after several years of not seeing or even thinking of each other we instantly clicked. Though my now ex-boyfriend and I were not on solid ground for a few...

Condo Association Membership Denial; Financial Requirements [ 9 Answers ]

I own a $400K condo free and clear in Southern California. The Condo Association's board has refused to accept me as a member because my "taxable net income" is below their stated income requirement. My gross income is far above their requirements, but because I use tax law to lower my tax...

View more questions Search