my mother had to be rushed to er on friday night, has been hospitalized and is not doing very well.. i know this is all so real, but for some reason i keep tellin myself, "whatever she is fine" like nothin is wrong with her, n even tho i know its not anywhere near good rightnow, i feel like im worried about being alone, not her. i think subconciously i know i am worried for her and her getting well.. whatthe hell is going on? am i being selfish or is this some form of denial? please tell me..

thedogghater

frist iam sorry that u are going threw this.but it sounds like denial,dont be hard on yourself you are human,and the thought of loseing a loved one is very hard for anyone and everybody deals with things in there own way.iam not expert but i think it is normal and dont beat yourself up over it just try to be there for her.i hope this helps u out some and wish u the best

starsbooty

thank u,

Lacey

my response is it's fear of loss, fear of change.... and yes, denial....
don't think you don't care or somethings wrong with you.... it's you trying to shield yourself from overwhelming pain.... sort of your self defense

how's Mom doing?

chippers

I am sorry to hear your mom is doing poorly. It's our natural defense to deny anything is truly wrong and they will be fine in a day or two.
rest assured you are not being selfish, just trying to think positive about a tough situation. especially dealing with our loved ones. denial is normal in these circumstances. seeing them ill we go into a kind of shock as a way to protect us from the bad.
talk with the doctors and take one day at a time. I'll say a prayer for you

starsbooty

thak u all, she is still in the hospital, not doin as bad but not good, she is not sure when she is coming home though, i've just put this in gods hands and i know he will do the right thing, again thank you all so much!

J_9

Star,

I am in the same predicament as you. My father was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night last Saturday. He has multiple problems, all of which can be long lasting but terminal in their own ways. We are also awaiting results on my mother-in-law that may be terminal also.

Yes, you are in denial, not selfish. This is our mind's way of handling such a tough situation. It is a coping mechanism of sorts. As Chippers said, you can only take it one day at a time.

Talk to the nurses (that is what we are there for), get to know everything that is going on. And, yes, God will take care of it all.

valinors_sorrow

The mind has a built-in buffer zone that allows us to take harsh news in small bites. I am sorry to hear about your mom's illness and I hope for her a solid recovery. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself as this is a load for anyone. Are you routinely visiting her in the hospital? That will help to 'normalise' it for you.

When my mother died, I would awaken having forgetten that she had. And then realise it and go through the first feelings again and again. It was annoying to me but I learned it is a natural part of the grieving process, the first stage called shock. When the day comes for you experience this kind of loss, remember that grief is a process with identifiable stages to it. In the meantime, enjoy your mom as much as possible even in the hospital, okay?