Hi, I came across this website after doing a google search. I think I have a problem, and it's gotten worse and worse now. See, I've always been bullied on by other kids, just for the way I looked, and being picked on almost my whole life has gotten my self-esteem very low. I've always been afraid to be, not alone, but afraid that no one likes or loves me. Since a week i've been feeling like i'm in an emotionless vacuüm thats gotten worse and worse, as nothing bothers me anymore, i dont't enjoy the things i used to like, and after waking up i feel restless... Though i don't wish to be dependent on no one or nothing, i feel like i always am, wich brings me down again... And there are a lot more things like this I'd like to explain, but can't. Just because either i don't understand, or because it tears old wounds open.
I'm really sorry to bother you with my problems, as there are a lot more people with real problems but i would really like to find a solution for all of this...

valinors_sorrow

The sort of emotional harm you've lived through is not healed overnight. And there is nothing wrong with asking for some help. It may be wise for you to look for someone in your community to talk to face to face on a regular basis -- a school counselor, a minister, an adult who runs a youth group or center. If a counselor-type is not available, then an adult who can function something like a mentor is your next best bet. You might look to be connected to good people like that by volunteering at a pet shelter or thrift store or acquiring a part time job. It gets easier to climb out of the hole you're in when you have someone to "tailgate" your way out of it.

I make these suggestions knowing that there is a very limited amount that can be done here. And the harm done to you was vast enough stretched over time that it will take more than what can be offered here. It was not your fault that this happened so please don't take that part of it on, okay? But you can do something about it so please consider what I have suggested. Maybe others will have some good ideas too. I am glad you posted your concerns. Your concerns are as real as anyone else's here.

chuff

I don't know if this is real advice or not but when high school ends in two years the real world begins. I'm telling you that real life is nothing like school and you'll be much happier there. People are not as fake as they are in high school. Don't get my wrong you've got some people that are bullys and are fake but they are also the ones that are hold onto those school memories for life as though they mean something. You however, get to move forward in any direction you choose. I've heard people in there 70's say there 60's were better then there 50's and 50's better then there 40's. I'm not that old yet but I can tell you my childhood sucked and my adult life has had it's moments but by and large has been tremendous compared to my childhood. Life does get better with age.

I would also recommend reading a book called "Beliefs" by Robert Dilts. It won't really be about being picked on, but the book is about our beliefs that as humans we take and assume that sometimes are not true. At some point your brain accepted that you weren't good enough or couldn't do something because you were overweight. When you lost the weight the beliefs stayed. This book can help you change those limiting beliefs. Your weight, or your looks in general is never what held you back, it was your brains decision and reasoning. But that can be changed.

BEANIE48

My son was also picked on ,but in middle school. He has been talking to a COUNCELER and it has been very good for him. You should try to find one and you will see little by little you will start to feel better. I hope that everyday gets better for you. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP !

KalFour

Hi Iggit,
School can be tough. I know what kids can be like and how damaging they can be. But you also have to try to be aware of the good things around you.
Think about your family and friends. Even if you're not popular with the mainstream crowd, there are definitely people who care about you very deeply. And as for the others, who cares? School will finish and the real world will begin. Everyone around you will change, and social expectations will be so different that you'll laugh at the way people used to behave in order to fit in.
I know how you're feeling, but I promise you that you are more loved than you realise.
As for your appearance, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. Chances are you're your own worst critic.
In the meantime, when you're feeling low try calling someone you trust just to talk, go for a jog or do something relaxing and enjoyable. If it gets too hard, you can always see a counsellor. It often helps to have an unbiased listener.
Try to remind yourself of how great life can be, and don't let yourself spiral down too far if you can avoid it.
And if things get too bad, we're always here for you.

Take care,

Kal