Hi all,
To everyone who replied to my last emo rant and gave me advice, thankyou... unfortunately I still haven't taken it. I keep meaning to see a counsellor (my uni provides them without charge) but every time I am in that area, I find excuses not to go. I guess I'm afraid of finding out that there's something wrong with me. Or maybe I'm scared that I'll find out that nothing's wrong with me, and they can't do anything to change it/me.
I really need to talk to someone... but I can't, it's just too real.
And it's getting worse. I'm finding it so hard to keep focussed on anything. When I'm with friends I spend very little time paying attention to what's being said around me. I just keep phasing out all the time. I get distracted so easily.
And I've stopped laughing normally. I laugh if the people around me laugh, but even when my brain tells me something is funny, there's no response from my body. I don't cry either. There have been occasions when something tremendously bad has triggered me, and I have cried daily for a while... but in the past year, besides those extremes I have been unable to cry.
It's not that I'm depressed... I'm not unhappy. I even enjoy my life overall... I've just become so... unresponsive. Like I could sit and stare forever...

Wondergirl

Anxious about well-defined things or more nebulous things that you couldn't explain?

KalFour

I've never tried acupuncture. I don't have a needle phobia, so could probably handle it... though maybe not afford it.
And I get anxious fairly often. I have a lot of people who confide in me... often about pretty serious issues. So I guess I'm getting vicarious stress on top of everything else and it makes me anxious about people. I feel responsible for a lot of people's wellbeing.
And just in general, if I'm under pressure or feel that I'm being judged, it tends to make me anxious. Sometimes I get anxious over some very trivial things. Sometimes I feel nervous for no reason at all. But as I said, I'm getting very good at going blank or forcing a smile that seems genuine, so people often don't notice.

Kal

Wondergirl

The cost of the acupuncture could be managed somehow (maybe). You're somewhere in the UK?

Why do people confide in you? and why do you feel responsible for them?

KalFour

No, I'm in Australia.
People confide in me because I'm patient, tolerant and discreet. Actually, there have been more than a few incidents where complete strangers have also approached me seeking help... often for completely bizarre things. I guess I look trustworthy or something.
But unbeknownst to them, I'm also inclined to completely over-empathise and then allow their problems to become my own.
I care about people... often too much. But I hate it when they know enough to worry about me.

KalFour

I have to go. I'll be back tomorrow. Thankyou for replying.

Kal

Wondergirl

I understand. That's why I became a counselor. People confided in me, so I figured I should get the training I needed to actually help them rather than just listen and take their baggage onto my own back.

You had said "uni" so I had guessed UK.

I promise you I won't worry about you. Actually, I think you have too much on the ball and are too smart to be worried about. Worry wouldn't get me anywhere anyway.

KalFour

It's funny... I feel like I've been deceiving everyone about my emotions... and yet recently, when I've tried to be honest, nobody believes me.

Wondergirl

Interesting. No one cares about MY emotions or wants to hear about them.

KalFour

Do you want to talk about it?

Wondergirl

Nah. I'm too together now and can handle it. But thanks.

Does everyone in Oz wear their heart on their sleeve?