I can not remember any part of my childhood. I am 16 years of age, and cant remember things about my family from when I was even 11. I did not have a bad home life, but my mother was bi-polar manic depressive, and I seem to have blocked out all memory of her in my childhood, including both good and bad memories. I just want to know is this normal, and will I always just forget memories that I think my hurt me later on in life, because I have also forgotten all memories of my late cousin who past away at a young age. So, will I always forget memories that I think might one day become hurtful?

Thomas1970

Hi Fosterchild,
It is really difficult to say. I can relate, as I as well grew up in a home where my mother suffered from bi-polar illness. My father, though at home til age of seven, was rarely ever a factor in my life. Though many aspects of your childhood likely were very happy and enjoyable, living with a manic depressive is often equated to living in an alcoholic home. No matter how well you attempt to deal with it, it is traumatic in many regards. Children need a degree of stability and reliability, especially from their parents.
People deal with trauma in many ways. Some people continually reenact it later in life, repeatedly unconsciously choosing poor relationships, in an attempt to fix what was broken the first time around. Some people disassociate in ways, or even repress memories entirely. In rare cases, repression and disassociation can be taken to the extreme of adopting alternative, sort of "helper" personalities, in order to distribute the emotional burden, or dynamically adapt to the protean, uncertain nature and demands of the living environment.
Though there is always a chance that you could regain the memories at any time, this is a very imprecise, likely not well studied science. There are things that could possibly help, such as hypnosis, or even meditation. There could as well be medical, biochemical or dietary factors that are subtly impairing memory, though most of these are much more likely to affect memory in the short term.
If you are interested in regaining them, I would perhaps begin talking with someone in a therapeutic capacity. Memories always carry various associations, and you never know what may eventually trigger something. Many people are trained to help elicit such associations.
Take care.

orange

Wow Thomas I didn't know you were "one of us" as well! Very nice advice given, but I wasn't able to leave a comment!

Fosterchild, I can relate to much of what you say, too. Both my parents had mental illnesses, although in my mother's case it was schizophrenia and my father had a personality disorder. I spent a lot of time in foster care.

There are a lot of things I don't remember, either. For example, I don't remember the year after my father committed suicide at all... I don't know where I was living or who with, what I was taking in school, etc. It's a total blank. And I wasn't that young, either. I also have very fragmented memories of my mother and my time with her. I have no good memories at all, and just a few fuzzy bad memories.

I guess the question to ask yourself is, do you want to remember? Is it important for you to remember? If yes, then as Thomas suggests you may want to see a therapist. Do be careful though that you see someone who is not going to try and force memories out of you, or "guide" you to fabricate false memories. See someone who has experience in dealing with trauma. Even if you had a good childhood, you will have experienced some trauma from being with a mentally ill parent.

If seeing a therapist doesn't appeal to you, you could also try journaling. Write about your mother, how you feel about her, and how you feel about not remembering her. Describe what she looks like, what her voice sounds like, anything you can recall. This may help you to remember. And if you feel up to it, you could also try visiting the neighborhood where you lived with her, to see if that evokes some memories.

The other possibility is that the things you're forgetting were simply not that important to you, and didn't have much of an impact on your life. So, you've forgotten them naturally.

Either way, I think it's perfectly normal to not remember, and it shouldn't worry you at all. If you really want to remember, you will eventually find a way. It will just take time. And there may be some things you will never recall, and that's perfectly fine.

valinors_sorrow

There are more members of the "Swiss Cheese Memory Club" than you might realise. Both Thomas and Chava posted great answers. I have experienced sudden spontaneous memory recalls that came when I was "ready" and can easily testify that had any of them occurred earlier, I would have likely been a bit traumatised so the mind knows what its doing shielding things too.

cuteinsanity

Hi, I know what you mean. Except i live with my mother and my father left us when I was very young. But i still got to see him and my family, however I dont remember any of it till around the age of 10. I've heard all kinds of stories and seen photos but I dont remember any of it either.. Glad to know I'm not alone.. My mother is also bi-polar, so is my father... I hope all goes well for you