My life hasn't turned out the way I thought it should be
I just had my 44th birthday it was for the most part a y day! The only person who wished me happy birthday and meant it was my oldest daughter. My wife of 23 years never said it at all. I have four children the oldest who no longer lives at home an 18 year old who will be gone as soon as she graduates, a 14 year old daughter who has been the light of my life is now turning the way of her sisters. My son who is 12 just want's to play video games. Mt wife has turned into this bitter creature who has NOTHING positive to say to anyone. So I have turned to my job as an escape, Working every extra hour of over time just to be gone from home and not have to hear her. We have not been intimate for several months, no it's not just a dry spell I have no desire to. All I can hear is the negative words that she spouts. Is it over? I have nothing left to give I'm all out of answers and have tried everything to make her happy. My thoughts of lately have been of a special person from the past "The one that got away". Is this just because I feel so lonely I have no family to turn to so what's a guy to do I want to have someone to share my dreams with instead of a naysayer who laughs at my thoughts. Anyone have any thoughts?
23 years is a long investment to give up without a fight.
While I think it's really rotten that your family couldn't have done something for your birthday, that really indicates a selfish bunch in my opinion. No doubt if their birthday's are missed, they would feel the same as you.
Working overtime to stay out of the line of fire at home isn't going to solve any problems. If she is looking for a reason to be p***y with you, you're giving her one.
When there is an imbalance here to the extent that you aren't communicating at all, you have to try harder to figure out why. If your basic needs in the relationship are not being met, you need to be heard! Do you ever challenge your wife, or find quiet time to sit and talk to her? When is the last time you took her out for dinner. She needs to know how you feel.
If she is clear on that point alone, and realizes that you are unhappy, and why, and she makes a choice NOT to try to mend the relationship, then you have some serious decisions to make. Suggest marriage counselling, and if she won't go, you go, and get someone to hear you, and listen to why you are so unhappy.
To stay in the emotional place you are now is only going to get worse.
On the other hand, you deserve respect, you deserve to be happy, and enjoy all the benefits and comforts that marriage can bring. To enjoy the company of somebody you love, and be mutually compatable and loving to eachother is the way it should be.
Anything less, needs an answer as to why, and what you are going to do about it.
What you are missing in your family is love. You need to shut off the television and the video games and start spending time with your wife and kids. I have been married 41 years, and not a day goes by that I don't kiss my wife and tell her I love her. Even though I don't believe in love (instead, I believe in tolerance, acceptance, sacrifice, compromise, etc), people need to be stroked on a regular basis. I learned a long time ago that evil begets evil and love begets love. When is the last time you told your wife you love her? When is the last time you showed an interest in your childrens education, or did something with them. When my wife and I were stationed in Germany, instead of taking family trips all the time, we planned a trip with each of our three children individually one-on-one. It was a great learning experience. Instead of planning more time at work, plan more time one on one with each member of your family. Life isn't about things or money, its about family and relationships.
Gather the whole family aroud the table, with no distractions. Talk to them and let them know what you feel about this life in recent times. Consider marriage counceling.
Happy birthday!
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