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kerrys · Dec 27, 2005, 05:19 PM

My brother has been married to his second wife for 12 years and has a 10 year old daughter who I am very close to. My sister in law is a cleptomaniac and a pathological liar. I feel like I am the only one who can speak to my brother about getting help for her. We are very close in age, but his wife and her actions have caused such friction in our family that no one wants to rock the boat and cause more problems for my brother than we know he all ready must deal with. I am worried about my niece and the horrible dysfunction she is witnessing and how that must be effecting her. My sister in law also has an addiction to prescription meds and has had a past of beating up my brother if he doesn't forge prescriptions for her. She says she trusts me and loves me so much, but she is constantly lying to me and others just to hurt us. Something needs to be done and I think my brother is just emotionally exhausted and doesn't know how to ask for help. He is staying with her because he doesn't want to have a second divorce. I feel like it's up to me, but what can be done?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 27, 2005, 05:35 PM

There is a seroius need for professional help.

Growing up our fairly rich neighbor had a similar issue and it kept getting worst and worst until he was arrested a few times.

So no matter who rocks the boat, someone needs to kick the boat over since they are merely going with the waves right now.

She needs to see a professional menatal health professional.

bizygurl · Dec 27, 2005, 05:39 PM

Kerrys, It sounds like you honestly care deeply for you sister in law and her to you. But what she is doing to your family and the emotional toll that it is taking on you and your brother, not to mention your niece sounds to be more than you guys can handle. I can understand why your brother is sticking with it and trying to salvage this marrige, especially when its his second and there is a child involved but this doesn't sound like two adults who just don't get along, this woman has a serious problem and just the mere fact that she has "beat" on your brother in the past should give him a good reason to at least leave and get a separation until she gets some help. NO ONE not male or female should put up with an abusive mate. Think about what this may be doing to your niece. Although separation and or divorce is hard on any kid, I would imagine that having her father treated this way must be hurting her. My only question is, Why do you feel that this is up to you? I can understand wanting to help in the situation but this is not a burden that you must hold. Your brother is a grown adult and he and only he can make the right decision about what to do. I really hope things work out for the best, keep us posted.:o

fredg · Dec 28, 2005, 06:33 AM

Hi,
Your sister-in-law has had these problems for 12 yrs? For as long as they have been married?
Your brother has really "put up with" a lot!
Your sister-in-law might be a drug addict. Since you say she is addicted to prescription medications, then that would classify her as an Addict; but, she is the only one who can say if she really is or not... all the signs are there.

PLEASE rock the boat! It willl NOT get any better,. it will only get worse; unless your sis-in-law wants help... that's a fact. She tells you she loves you, but the fact is, she really can't "love" anyone because her primary need is drugs; whether prescription or some other.
PLEASE talk with your brother, and even offer to take him with you to some counseling, maybe start with a Marriage Counselor, and they can direct you and him to the proper people to talk with. He really needs to consider going to some,free, Ala-Non or other Narcotics Anonymous associated meetings; in order to understand what is really going on. He needs your help, in realizing that things will not get better for his wife and their relationship, unless she realizes she has a problem, and wants help.
You can't help your sis-in-law; she has to help herself. You can help your brother decide that possibly, divorce is the only way out, taking his daughter with him.
I do wish you the very best, and hope it turns out OK.

garcial5 · Oct 7, 2010, 11:23 PM

Your situation hit home for me. I too have a sister in law who is a cleptomaniac and a pathological liar. Her actions has caused much turmoil in family and a distrust within me that I can never repair. She stoled my identity and lied about it with such convection to only be proven wronge by all the evidence. Of course, my brother, the good husband that he is defended her to a fault and pushed his family to the side. From experience, any husband that would stay through such tragedy and not force his wife to change is a weak man. Unfortunately, because of this, if you choose to expose your brothers wife for all her faults it will only cause strain on yalls relationship. He will blame you because he is not MAN enough to blame his wife. Trust me, this is all from personal experience. Eventually, her deviece ways will legally catch up with her and no excuse will be able to bail her out. Just wait till that happens so that you can continue to have a unstrenous relationship with your niece.