Deep down inside me i can't stand life. I hate every minute of the constant lack of my emotions. I feel as though mentally my head is being tossed around. I can't feel the world as a special place to live. I know i am depressed and sort of not because i'll do what i have to and listen to people but there is this constant signal coming from my brain that tells me something is not right. I've talked to doctors before both mental and non mental and they say I am as healthy as ever. But i'm lacking what other people have and i don't. Some sort of wellness to the world were people can deal with everyday situations. I want to die but i now better than to commit suicide. I know that pain and i never want to go there, ever. I look fine in the mirror no sign of baggy eyes or depression. I look just fine, but then i break loose and feel as though everything were wrong, like the world's mathematicians, scientists, and other most important people are all on the wrong track. I'm looking for answer and its not death. I just need something...not a psychiatrist not a doctor...no, i've been there many times. My question is finally, what is my problem? I want to escape and no where near home, i want to go away to the most beautiful place and not have to worry about life's boring and stressful situations, i want to blow it away. maybe I'm just delusional, or maybe i psychic and i can sense something near in my future that's making forget about the presence. Anyways, help.

albear

have you every experienced anything that brings out true emotion

firmbeliever

Are you religious or not religious?
I ask because some people have found their peace in religion while others have not.

NoAnswer

Yes i have, when i feel like i have had it with life, i go to my room and cry. I think with all my might of what bothered me to feel this way and what makes me feel better and if i'm lucky enough i'll dream about it the next night almost experiencing my true emotional self.

NoAnswer

I have never been religious, religion makes me feel like i am being manipulated by the people in the religion. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

albear

i meant a situation that called for true emotion, death for example

NoAnswer

Oh yes, I have. After my tenth birthday (five years ago) My uncle had died. And I still grieve because i feel like i am this way because of his death and if he were still here it would be better. But i know that is not possible because he has died and deaths happen. But still, i feel as though he is still around me telling me it will be alright and until i die i will experience everything until the minute passes. I feel like he is me in some way, almost like he is here he just chose me to give messages to my family.

firmbeliever

Have you ever tried meditation or other techniques to help calm your mind and look into yourself for answers?

albear

i know what you mean about the emotion thing and i was just wondering if it was because youve had no real call for them, but obviously i was wrong

NoAnswer

I have never actually tried it seriously or ever looked into it but i have had some experiences where i am laing down totally aware of how i am feeling (crappy,curious about something, or maybe a undefined mood) and i usually see rows and rows of flowers and some times just one not right before me eyes but subconsciously and very vivid.. Usually the colors pink and yellow. so...yes i think i have used mediation only being unaware. That is most successful for me, just to think of being alert and waiting for an answer from me or a loved one. Oh by the way, i am not really religious but i do believe in spirits and loved ones who i know exist in some form. so i am spiritual.