Ok- so I want your answers to be totally honest. Am I the psycho one or is my old roommate?

I came to college terrified about the whole roommate situation because I didn't want to room with a friend and I was scared to go random because my school didn't give out any kind of personality test matching us up with a compatible roommate. Uncomfortable going into college to live with a complete stranger, I found a a girl on Facebook (Let's call her Ashley) to room with Freshman year. Ashley seemed likable, fun, and easy-going. Things went fine the first week, but she seemed kind of distant and not so opinionated when it came to certain rules about the room. For example, she never told me if having friends or boys over bothered her, she really didn't say when she would like to sleep, and she didn't really tell me anything about herself for that matter. I knew she was from a small town in Indiana, played softball in high school, and that was about it.

I tried and tried to start conversations with her and even tried introducing her to my old high school friends. Didn't seem to work. The first month, she didn't really talk to anyone in our corridor and liked to keep the door shut and the room quiet. She hung out a lot in another dorm with friends that she met on Facebook.

Eventually I started "talking" (not actually dating, but more like hooking up, etc) with a boy (let's call him Mike). I really liked him and hoped that we could eventually start dating. I tried my hardest to be respectful about it and nothing really happened while she was in the room. My dorm was right across from the rec center, so I went there a lot. I told my roommate about him and she commented that she always saw him at the rec lifting. Not once did I say anything to her about always going to the rec "just to see him", but a few weeks later he stopped talking to me. I found out a few months later that my old roommate actually told him that I would "always talk about him", was "obsessed" with him, and "went to the rec" just to see him. Apparently she made it seem to him like I was a complete psycho! None of this was really true! I would talk about him a lot, but I don't think that it ever got the point of seeming "stalkerish." But I could be wrong, maybe it's bad to talk about boys that we like?

The next semester I decided to switch to a dorm far away from her because she would continue to spread rumors about me. She got rejected from every sorority, so probably felt pretty lonely at that point and was desperate to make friends. Unfortunately for me, however, her attempts at making me look like the bad person were successful. My entire corridor thought that I was a psycho! Everyone stopped talking to me and I felt like a total outcast.

I decided to move because I wanted to be happy. Was that a crazy thing for me to do? Should I have stuck out the remainder of the year around her? Is it me or my old roommate that seems to be the problem?

justcurious55

honestally, i think you both have some issues. it was wrong for her to go around talking behind your back. but i have to wonder if there's some truths to what she was saying. she would have to be one heck of a liar to persuade an entire corridor that you're a psycho stalker if you never exhibited any of that sort of behavior around them. unless they're people you were never around anyways and they only had her word to go off of in which case who cares what they think?

she was probably jealous of "mike." or maybe you unknowingly pissed her off one day and that was her pay back.

jrebel7

Communication is key to any relationship, roommate, boyfriend, sibling, etc. Seems it was lacking severely in this situation. From your post, it sounds as if you made every effort to communicate. Did this roommate want to date the guy (Mike) and just not tell you?

Anyone who is around someone who is toxic to them, needs to put some distance between them. It seems the length of time you gave things to work out didn't make things better therefore, I think you made a correct decision in moving.

I have shared this before but "A lie goes half way around the world before the truth gets it's boots on". People with no ill intent find it difficult to realize there are people who enjoy making misery for others. There are always those who will believe them no matter how wrong they are or how much they tell are lies. I'm sorry people believed her and treated you badly. The move was a good choice. Chances are, had you tried to visit with those making you feel like an outcast, they would still be as they are. Truth comes out at some point.

Move on, make new friends and I wouldn't share much of this with new friends as this just tends to keep it all alive. (A best friend, sure but not new acquaintances). It was a bad experience but you have your whole life ahead of you with great things in your future! Take a deep breath, let go of the negative and embrace the positives. (Easier said than done when you feel hurt but it is still the best thing to do.)

N0help4u

She sounds like the type that it is better to leave her in her own world and not tell her anything about you either. She got rejected from every sorority so maybe she has similar problems with others too. I think I would have spread my own 'rumor' on myself that none of what she said was true and moved.

MsMewiththat

I really want to say this, it can't always be everyone else and never you. Do some soul searching and ask yourself what you could have done differently? What can you learn from this situation. Is there a possibility that there is any truth to what she has spread about you? Secondly, relationships end and people walk away from each other for reasons of their own and it doesn't have to all be connected. Don't put too much stock in this situation. Learn from it and Grow. Work on self esteem and self love and you will be fine. Good Luck

Fr_Chuck

maybe we should have made this a poll, but not all people can stay together, some personalities can't live well with anyone. So at times it is better to understand that and do what is best for everyone