Hello everybody,

I'm very new to this site and this is my first post.

I've been searching for a rational answer to my question below for a very long time, but unfortunately I haven't been able to find a convincing one up to moment. I hope that someone could help me here.

Okay, my question (or to put it in a better way, my "problem") is:
- I strongly believe in the law of Karma; the law of cause & effect in the interpersonal relationships; (but I don't have any belief in reincarnation).

- I'm a successful 27 year old male, but have been suffering from low self-esteem, and very poor self image & self-concept since early childhood.

- I always have the feeling that I must suffer this low self-esteem. That this is what I really deserve! I don't deserve to like myself. I feel that it's my karma, so I shouldn't be complaining for not respecting myself!
I have a very good job and I earn very well, I have a fine built and I look almost good, but, I am not able go to the mirror and say "Hey, I like you, you're attractive, you're a loveable person, etc". I know many people around me who earn less, don't look as good as me, but feel comfortable with themselves. I tell myself, that's because they haven't made the mistakes I've made in my life, God has rewarded their righteous deeds with a rich and healthy self concept and self image. If I'm suffering from a low self-esteem, it's because I've made too many big mistakes in life. It's because of bullying at school, it's because of breaking the heart of my girl friends, it's because of annoying my parents, and so many other bad things which I've done to so many people in the past 27 years ... .
As I said I strongly believe in the law of karma. And I believe that my poor self image is some sort of a punishment. The Lord hasn't taken my health or my money, instead he has taken my self-respect from me!

What should I do now? Concerning my belief in Karma, how can I increase my self-esteem? How I can love my self? How I can start enjoying who I am? How can I be happy with myself? How can I have a beautiful self-image and self concept?
(Please don't tell me to buy gifts for myself and to go to the mirror everyday and say affirmations and etc, I don't believe in these technics).

I'd be so grateful if anyone could help...Your wise advices would highly be appreciated.

Thank you very much in advance,

magprob

Something from your past has caused you to feel that you are not worthy. You go back into your past and relive the old memories like they were old movies with you as the leading man. These movies play over and over in your head, creating your reality now. When you are not living in the past, you are worrying about the future. You think the future will be as bad as your past. All the while, you miss the most important thing in your life. Now. Now is where you really are but you don't stay in the now for long. Oscilating back and forth from the past to the future while all of your thoughts are centered around the illusion of yesterday and tomorrow. The past is no longer where you are, it is GONE. You have not entered the future yet, it doesn't exist, another illusion. Just another movie. Stop for a minute, look around yourself and focus on yourself. Then, just ask yourself, "What is my biggest problem that faces me right NOW?" Wait for the answer.

Rainbow Voice

Dear Magprob,

First of all I would like to thank you for caring and posting a reply.

I know what you mean by living in the past/future and neglecting the present. Although its not that easy, I can start practising your council; but I doubt it would make me feel that the negative karmas of my past deeds have been erased, make me feel more loveable, attractive and respectable, or increase my self-esteem and self-worth.

Anyhow, thanks for replying. I would appreciate absolutely any comments and hints. I'm really down on my knees...

ordinaryguy

On a positive note, I applaud you for not blaming others for your poor self-image. On the downside, you're blaming yourself and God. What you need to do is get beyond blame altogether. If you really have been an aszhole to others, you might start by apologizing to as many of them as you can, and where possible make amends in some way for your bad behavior. According to the Lord's Prayer, forgiveness is something that you give and get in equal measure, so if you need more of it (which you do), give more of it. In your case, it's a little different than the usual situation where you feel wronged by others and need to forgive them. You feel that you have wronged others, so you need forgiveness from them, and from yourself. In some ways forgiving others' failings is easier than forgiving yourself. The law of karma doesn't preclude forgiveness; it is forgiveness that puts weight on the other side of the wheel, slowing down and eventually reversing the momentum of bad choices and misunderstandings.

I suspect that there are some childhood issues that you need to recognize and deal with, and some form of counselling or therapy might help you to get to the root of it. Your patterns of negative thought and behavior are apparently long-established, so it will take some time and persistence on your part to unlearn these destructive habits. I wish you all the best in your journey to healthy self-respect and acceptance of the new person you are becoming.

Rainbow Voice

Dear OrdinaryGuy,

Much thanks for your wise advice!

Well the fact is that I don't even blame God for my low self-esteem and negative self-concept. The one and only person whom I blame is me myself! I believe God is not responsible for it, nor anybody else. According to my beliefs, God has just established the law of Karma in the world, I don't think that he's cruel or mean. I believe that If I reap evil (of any kind: poverty, illness, misery, low self-respect & poor self-image, etc) it's my fault, not God's. That has been merely the reactions of my own actions!

Dear OrdinaryGuy your answer gave me a lot of insight on how to resolve the negative portions of my self-image by concerning the law of Karma. In fact you answered 50% of my question. Well although it's really hard to go and meet an ex-gf and say "I'm sorry for cheating" or "I'm sorry for saying I love you just to have sex with you", your hard prescriptions did sound reasonable and rational to me.
Now my question for the other 50% is: After doing the things you said (or even parallel to them), how can I add and create some positive portions to my self-concept & self-image by concerning the Karma law?

Thanks a lot again,

albear

gd

DragonFire

Hi,

I also believe in Karma, but because your feelings of low self-image have been rooted from your childhood, I think it has nothing to do with Karma but rather what you have been through, ie. not what you have or havent done.

I believe that you decide how much or little you love yourself, Karma does not decide on how you see yourself.

You need to put what you have done, good or bad aside, and concentrate on building your self-esteem, be it through talking to a councellor or through reading self-help books.

Whatever it takes, you need to believe that you probably hurt people or did bad things as you said because you had/have low self-esteem and not that you have low self-esteem because of what you have done in the past (ie. Karma).

You deserve to have a high self-image. Concentrate on accepting and loving yourself for who you are. Find out who you are and what you would like to improve about yourelf inside.

If you carry on having a low self-image it would effect your Karma negatively because if you dont love yourself you are more likely to hurt other people because you cant love others before you accept yourself.

Good luck! Its easier said than done, I'm in the same position, low self-image, but I'm working on it.

ordinaryguy

I don't believe that every bad thing that happens to us is caused by something bad we have done. Some of them are just due to the random hazards of life in the material world. Still, being a selfish jerk has consequences that can't all be escaped. The first step to a better self-image is don't be a jerk from now on. The second is to make amends where possible for being a jerk in the past.

The third step is to replace habitual negative patterns with positive ones. Learn generosity, kindness, tolerance, forgiveness, helpfulness, and trustworthiness. Be a mentor, be a friend, smile at someone who needs it, give compliments for good work or beautiful creations, support artists and musicians by buying their work and telling them how much you appreciate it, read good books, do volunteer work, visit the sick, honor your committments,...stuff like that, you get the idea. You may be surprised how easy it gets with a little practice.

Rainbow Voice

How do I deserve to feel to good about myself when I know how bad I've been to others?! A jerk deserves the sense of embarrassment and shame rather than self-esteem and self-worth!


Good luck for you too my friend. I wish both of us get rid of our poor self-images at some day and enjoy the pleasure of true self-esteem and self-respect. As OrdinaryGuy wished for me, I wish that sometime in the future we both realise that we've became a new person...someone we will really love, respect, and enjoy!

Rainbow Voice

A big thank you is all I can say! Thank you very much indeed...thank you! You really helped OrdinaryGuy!