13 years ago my best friend died (I was 10 at the time). Her father killed her, her mother, and her little brother. Everyday I think about them and morn. I have not been able to get past this and have become afraid to love. I don't want to lose another person although I can accept death of natural causes, I don't want to lose anyone close in an untimely fashion. I have been to the doctor and they have not helped me now I turn to others who might care enough to help.

HistorianChick

Oh Darlin, a child should not be forced to bear the burden of such a horrific tragedy. I am truly sorry for your loss... not only the loss of your best friend, but also the loss of your childhood joy.

I wish I could tell you how to fix this, how to get past it, how to move on, but I cannot do that. All I can do is give you advice in how to cope. How to make each day a memorial to your friend. How to learn to love without reservations, without fear, without holding back.

You lost something precious when you lost your best friend. She was taken from you by the hand of someone who should have loved her and treated her like the Princess she was... it was an act of extreme violence and evilness that took her from this world. That one act changed the course of many lives.

But sweetheart, don't let it continue to rob you of your present. By dwelling on the evilness of the act, you are, in essence, robbing yourself of the joy of every day... the joy in watching the sun rise, the wonder of seeing a light Spring rain, the mystery of the stars, the unknown shimmeryness of possibility in each person you meet, and the chance to love.

Love is about sacrificing yourself, about giving of yourself, about learning who you truly are, about showing someone else your innermost thoughts and dreams, about letting go of reservation and "what ifs" and clinging to the possibilities. Love is truly living.

Under no circumstances would I advise you to "get over it" or to forget your friend. This tragedy has helped form and fashion you into the person that you are. It is a part of you... it doesn't define you. Our past heartaches and struggles are just that, our past.

Always remind yourself that your tears have made your rainbow. Without the tears of suffering, heartache, and loss, the soul would have no rainbow. A rainbow is made of sunshine AND rain. You have to have both elements to have a beautiful rainbow - a promise of goodness to come.

I don't know if any of this has helped you, but just remember.... Your past doesn't define you, it has made you who you are... YOU define you.

We're here for you if you need us. I wish you rainbows for your day.

Choux

What a terrible memory to have to live with! What you can hope for is that the pain of the memory fades over time as you live and grow over the coming decade.

Add positive things to your life every year....sports, hobbies, volunteering, night school, and so on, for some examples.....doing stuff you will make new acquaintances, talk and form some relationships, perhaps not a best friend, but friends.

Bicycle riding is an excellent and cheap way to get exercise and lots of people ride bicycles, so a person who wants company can usually fine a friend to go with them. YOu can get a really good workout, too. A good workout bring our the endorphins which make for feelings of well-being.

You can make a lot of progress by helping yourself make a positive active life just
tailored for you....by doing stuff and being out in life available for happiness to come your way. You can really do it one day at a time.

My very best wishes in the coming years,