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how not to cry so easily and how to face people
Asked Apr 14, 2012, 12:35 AM
Hello all! I'm new to this website and I thought it would be a nice way to ask questions :) I've got a problem and that is I cry way too easily in the most trivial situations. I cry at sad shows or touching movies, and that is normal I guess. But I cry when I feel really embarrassed, sometimes at real trivial things. I'm in a musical ensemble where everybody is important for the music to flow, and I confess I am not good at playing the instrument. So the conductor often singles me out to play the instrument by myself until I can get the technique correct. And I cry. It's just so pressurizing for me to stand there and be the center of attention by everyone else in the ensemble and the conductor and try to play this instrument which I am not good at. I've had a really horrible breakdown in front of the ensemble yesterday, and the conductor had to tell me to wash my face. And I feel so embarrassed by my breakdown; I cried real hard and I was a total mess and now I don't think I can face anybody in the ensemble and our next meeting is in 2 days time! It was a really trivial situation, other people would have just stood there and played it over and over again until they could do that technique, while I just cried. I want to know how I can face my ensemble again because I'm also a really shy person and that breakdown was so horrible! I also want to know how I can cry not so easily in situations. Sometimes I want to stop but I get a lump in my throat and the tears just start flowing and it's hard to stem the flow. Am I normal or just a too-emotional person? Sometimes I just want to hide in a hole and cry because I cry inappropriately! I would really appreciate your replies thanks it would mean so much to me :)
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Apr 14, 2012, 12:58 AM
for your ensemble get someone to help you practice, just the two of you, three people would be better, the more you practice the better you get, practice taking deep breathes while on your own, be aware of how your feeling, and tell yourself over and over 'im ok'.
once you have mastered calming yourself down it should help, however some people cry, all the time and its sometimes horrible for them.
i do actually know a lady who like you cries at the drop of a hat, but she has learned how to recover quickly in public ( by controlling her breathing and calming herself down).
to be perfectly honest with you, i think i would be very uncomfortable if put in the situation you were in,but i would not let it stop me from doing something i love to do, its great to be part of a team.
gather your friends around you and get their support, and practice practice practice.
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Apr 14, 2012, 09:35 AM
Showing sensitivity isn't a bad thing, I cry all the time after an argument. It is a very human way of expressing anger, fear or sadness, and can get your point across more clearly as people are more likely to see just how upset you are.
However, if you want to stop getting so upset or getting to the point of tears, here are some useful tips I use! I normally use them if I'm in a board meeting or difficult situation:
1. If someone is shouting at you, don't make eye contact.The minute you do, the realism of the situation comes crashing down on you and you can collapse under it all. Simply look in their direction politely or carry on with what you are doing 'if it isn't dangerous'.
2. Don't lose your cool. If you get angry or stressed, that adrenaline is going to blind all reason behind an argument. Stress the facts you want to make and Do Not let them twist your words. Be reasonable and listen.
3. Remember, whatever has led to them doing this, you had a reason to act the way you did. Do not let them push you around if you don't think you have done anything wrong.
4. The situation will be over soon. It isn't going to last forever, keep calm. You can walk out of this alive, just pull through it. Just keep thinking as if it was a scary roller coaster you will be allowed off soon.
No matter how powerful you get in life, you will always feel small or scared at some point in your life. My best friend can intimidate me more than anyone else in my entire business because she knows what I think of her opinion. She knows it is valued. So I choose to face the facts and apologize...what's worth more, a won argument or a friendship?
All the best xxx
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