I have never known what one is until recently, when a married man convinced me to begin a relationship with him. I have spoken with his wife which he does not know, and she is worried his behavior could be dangerous when she removes their son from the home. I have no idea who to trust with this information and am concerned for my safety. He will not leave me alone!
How do I separate myself from him without antagonizing him?
WOW. I have seen documenteries on these type of relationships and the one thing many women refused to do was to relocate and stop ALL means of contact.
They try to stay in the same house, in the same state, and work at the same job. They try to file for divorce, child support, and bank transactions that only give the guy knowledge of how to find them.
So, consider this before things get out of hand and the guy become violent. Police investigations and restraining orders are helpful, but they only work for those who take heed with the law.
Good morning, thanks for your response! The whole situation does seem quite surreal, but I think we (his wife and I) have it under contrtol. The saddest part is that she's spent 15 years with this bozo and couldn't take the steps to get out until I found out how to contact her and got through. She called last night to tell me she's in legal proceedings to gain full custody of her son and has filed for divorce. In some twisted way my affair with her husband (and the related pics and email I sent her) are helping her to get her life back and for that I'm grateful. She's a great woman and deserves to be happy, as do we all.
That said, the reason the SP is so determined to keep me around is because he's aware I don't desire him anymore and am not buying into his show. I've never seen anybody work so hard to get something he has no right to have, for the pure satisfaction of winning - it's truly sickening.
As to shygrneyz' question about how he sucked me in: that seems to be the nature of the SP, or the genious, to be able to do that. SP lied so convincingly that it was easy to believe that his marriage was a 'business relationship' only, and that there was no love between them. He was going to leave her and blah blah blah. All the nonsense any pathological liar tells women in order to get what he wants. AND I BOUGHT IT. When I spoke to his wife and told her everything, her response was that she didn't blame me - so many other women had fallen for this same BS, including her, because she's closer to him than anyone. Well not anymore, she's getting out and I'm going to help her!
I think it is great how you have helped this wife by letting her know all the details, but I'm not convinced that you are completely through with this guy. I've been in the same situation, I mean the details are identical, and the other woman like you tried to "help" me to leave my guy whom she affaired with, and as soon as I took our children and left-she went right back to him.
SP lied so convincingly that it was easy to believe that his marriage was a 'business relationship' only, and that there was no love between them. He was going to leave her and blah blah blah.
The only lie that should have had any chance of working was "I'm not married". No amount of lies about the state of his relationship with his wife should have made the SLIGHTEST difference. But you know that now. Take the lesson to heart and don't EVER fall into the same trap again. Unless and until the divorce is final, he's not an option. Simple.
Hello Philly, Depressed and OG, thanks for your support and also the good advice. In order of response, let me address your comments.
Philly: She did ask for the pics and email when we spoke. Because she's away on deployment she has no idea what truth versus fiction is from this man, and wanted some evidence to support her position legally and to disprove his lies. She is such a nice woman, she'll believe anything he tells her. I want to help her get out, and have agreed to do whatever she asks. As an officer in our military, she's very well protected and has access to a lot of valuable resources. She advised me of his mental state the other night and that's what I'm going on. Drama, oh yes. Do I owe her, you bet your a$$.
Depressed: It's pretty amazing what women can do when they throw out the BS and stand by each other. I hate the fact that I bought into this, but will do whatever she asks me to do until a resolution is reached. After that, I'm OUT. I understand the risk of getting caught up - that's exactly how I got where I am - so that's why I'm on this site. To be reminded not to be an idiot and get out as soon as possible. Prior to that happening, I owe this woman what she's asking.
Ordinary Guy: Thank you for your understanding, I really appreciate it. You're right about everything and this lesson will not be forgotten, ever. So many women get caught up in lies like these, and can't get out. I'm grateful to get the chance to do the right thing in spite of how I became involved - thanks for helping to keep me grounded!
I am married to a sociopath and am getting divorced. I am very afraid of him and know that he is capable of anything. He is a master manipulator.
We have 3 beautiful children and he told me that I would never get the children if I left. Well, here I am and he has the children. He told Dyfuss a bunch of lies about me and last week he kicked the bathroom door in which was locked and I got a restraining order against him.
1 Hour later Dyfuss is at my door telling me that I can't be alone with my children. They are accusing me of munchaesn. It's so ridiculous. This man has so much power and even though I have gotten the courage to get away from his mental/emotional abuse he continues to abuse me. It turns out he went to court house and got my restraining order overturned and one against me.
I cannot see or talk to my k ids.
Please hear my voice. I am a good mother. I would never harm anyone especially my children. They mean the world to me.
I am being set up, wronfully accused, and continue to be victimized by my abuse (husband)
I don't know what to do! I feel he is going to continue harassing me the rest of my life even after we are divocrced.
Butmy main concern is the children. He doesn't want them, he thinks of them as a possession and winning. Because he knows how much they mean to me. He wants to take them away to hurt me. He doesn't realize the damage he is doing to those children mentally.
NJ, How can things like this happen?
You need to be proactive - get a plan together to get your kids back. Once that is accomplished - you get as far away from this man as possible. Start saving money - scout out locations to move to, etc. Refuse to be a victim. You need to contact an attorney - start fighting this - do not roll over out of fear.
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