I'm justa bout to turn 18. I have a boyfriend and we've been together for nearly 2 years.
I love him dearly and he loves me.
The problem is, I constantly feel insecure about it, and I feel that he doesnt love me and he only says that he does because he doesnt want to upset me.

Recently he went to stay with a friend, i did not know he was staying longer than one night.
He didnt call me and in the the end he stayed there for 4 days and nights. Normally we speak everyday (i always call him) but this time i decided i'd wait to see how long it would be before he called me.
He didnt call me, i had to call him in the end.
I was very upset about this and proceeded to give him a hard time about it.

stuff like this happens often, and every time I feel awful and unwanted, and then when i have to give him a hard time and explain how i feel I feel terrible for saying it to him because he gets upset by it.

Just today he was telling me about a party he may be going to. He did not invite me to join him. Yet he told my best friend that she should go.
So i called him when i found out asking why he did not invite me.. needless to say he had what sounded like a reasonable excuse- he wasnt yet sure if he was going to go.



I need him to call me and include me more so that i know he loves me. He assures me that he does love me, but he never seems to show me that he does. He's loving and all that. but sometimes i wonder that if i never rang him again, if i'd ever speak to or see him again.

i'm sure that my head isnt straight and that i want too much from him.
I just need to feel loved, but i dont get the love i need.. maybe i need too much?

how do i stop needing him so much? its not healthy for me.. my happiness depends entirely on him- and i know that isnt good.
what can i do?

ITGuy

You must be a Pisces!!! Because my wife is like that and I keep on reassuring her that SHE IS NUMBER 1 FOR ME.

Still... she doesn't believe it. May be your boyfriend is feeling what I feel... helpless

But... I am sure like me he won't give up.

Listen... the more we try to seek closeness, the more we choke the relationship and farther people will move from us. Just remember it if you want to salvage your relationship.

I am sure you'll learn... as you are young.

yerevan

thanks ITguy. I'm not a pisces..
but the rest of your post is vallid.

this is the problem you see, i realise what i am doing is only going to harm our relationship- i just don't know how to stop being like this?

ITGuy

May be then another WATER sign? Cancer or Scorpio. LOL

I mean females from those signs are too possessive!

Let's take out the zodiac because people can be totally different than their signs and there are are a number of factors involved.

Just give him some breathing space and he'll return back to you. What are you doing right now is a sure receipe of diasaster (=breakup and heartburn).

Try to understand how men think. If possible, try to find book "Men are from Mars and women from Venice" (may be by Charles Gray?)

ITGuy

Quick answer to your problem: TRUST HIM.

However, our instincts are sometimes right too. So, also try to understand why you feel so insecure. Is there any red flag about him that you are getting unconsciously. Try to find out what you feel wrong about him?

Matt3046

Well the problem may not be you, your fears could have a base.

yerevan

i suppose the reason i feel he doesnt love me is purely because i feel he doesnt think of me.
when i asked him why he hadnt called me for days he told me that he was busy and he forgot. I understood that he was busy- but it really hurts me that he has things which are more important to me than him (and i know that is wrong of me).

I want to trust him- but it's just so hard when this kind of thing happens on a regular basis and he doesnt seem to learn from what i say to him.

I understand men are different to women, and i guess he's just not as dependant on me as i am on him.

I reckongnise I have issues, i just need to stop needing him so much!

p.s. im a taurus!

ITGuy

I hope he is not a Sagi. like me... because we want our independence.

You've provided solution to your own problem; men are different.

Instead of thinking like a girl think HOW HE FEELS and you are in a better position to keep him on a long term basis.

Also... if you already have intimate relationship with him then it's a totally different ballgame. Because before that guys chase girls and afterwards its the girls. Sex creates bonding in girls while guys, having taken the most precious gift of a girl without any committment, have nothing to lose so they... try to leave.

Sorry hard facts.

P.S. If you haven't already, then . don't have $ex with him to keep him on long term basis

yerevan

i would never have sex just to try and please him.
We are sexually active, but whenever he has upset me i refrain from sex until I feel more trusting of him.

I know that guys are different- but is that a good enough excuse to justify him never calling me?

we talk over the internet because its cheaper, but when he's away he just doesnt call.
i worry so mucha bout him.
everytime i voice my concerns to him he gets so upset and i hate myself for doing it to him.

i'm just so insecure. I need to stop needing him like i do. If i didnt need his love so much, it wouldnt matter that he didnt doesnt call me.

how do i become more independant?

ITGuy

Well... after having sex with him, you've placed all your apples in his basket. Meaning... you've lost the initiative and . don't be surprised if he is even cheating on you or has relationship with any other girl as well.

Can you control your nerves? If yes, make him miss you so that he comes back to you. The more you go after him now, the more you lose him.

P.S. In case, if this relationship ends, remember... don't have a sex with your next boyfriend very soon. Its a paradox; we, men, want sex from women but don't value them who come too easy. Reason: A woman who is too easy to one man will do the same with others and men are territorial by nature.