When I was younger, I was the only girl who had an elder brother. All other families were all boys, or all girls... or the brother was the youngest. I remember being so close to my elder brother. I looked up to him, I trusted him. But I didn't know that how he was with me wasn't how other brothers and sisters were meant to be... I had nothing to compaire it to...

When I was younger I remember my mum giving me the birds and the bees talk... with him at the same time... I was a bit younger than most but I had started my periods before the age of 10 so she felt that I needed to understand a lot more... the thing though she said to me was... sex is a sign to show love for the person you sharing it with. Wasn't until I reached the age of 14 I realised that that wasn't how 'brothers' were meant to be with their little sisters. It makes me sick to think that it took me that long, I feel that it was a lot to do with denial.

I am findding it really hard to get close to people, I have manged to go to counciling... I have trusted my best friend, and my partner. But I can't seem to get rid of my anger. I want to tell my family but I am scared that it will caurse so much pain. I have stopped hating them because well they don't know... but part of me feels that they will either disown me or blame themselves...

When I was 13, my mum my dad and myself moved away, leaving him to go to uni. That is when I sort of started to realise that things he used to do and say just weren't right. When I moved back I did confront him [a friend was in the house at the time who I had vaguly given information to, for support, which my sibbling didn't realise] I told him "how could you do that to me"... he acted dumb... "how could you betray my trust"... and well as I continued he got up and said "you didn't complain"

As a result of this, I have sufford with anorexia, panic attacks, I have trouble sleeping at night, I am known to become violent.

I suppose my question is... Will I ever become "normal"..