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    Help me I want to die, I have no one, and I don't know what to do?

    Asked Apr 1, 2012, 04:26 PM 17 Answers
    Help me I want to die, I have no one, and I don't know what to do?

    I do not want another pill, I do not want to have a million dollars, I have been through so many things in the last 6 years and I have no one to hang with to just matter to.

    Its so tough, and I get so tired. Its hard facing everyday with a pill and a face full of make up and a suit making sure not to offend of appear like I don't have everything under control.

    I am just not strong enough to do it anymore.

    Last edited by talaniman; Apr 2, 2012 at 01:45 PM.
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    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,720, Reputation: 7217
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    #2

    Apr 1, 2012, 04:29 PM


    How old are you, how much of your life have you lived? Tell us what is happening?
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    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 25,673, Reputation: 5612
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    #3

    Apr 1, 2012, 04:36 PM
    What medication are you on? Is it for depression? How long have you been on this medication, and do you take it regularly?

    If it is an anti depressant, I've been there, done that. It takes time for the medication to work, and yes, it's hard to take that pill, it's hard to accept that you need it, but it does work, and you'd be surprised at how many people need to take it just to live a normal life. I know more people on anti depressants than I know that aren't on any. That says a lot.

    Have you considered counseling?

    You said this has been going on for 6 years. What happened to set this off?

    There are many people on this site that have been where you are now. We don't have a quick fix, but we are here to listen, if you give us a chance.

    Know this. Now that you've brought your issues to us, we're in it. If you do something to hurt yourself it effects us. We get dozens of these sorts of posts every day, and each one hurts, because there's only so much we can do over the internet.

    We can listen, and we can give you advice, but you have to be willing to listen, to all of it, and you have to be the one that takes control of your life. In the end, we can only talk, you are the one that has to take action and make the changes so that you can feel better. If you're willing to do that, I'm here, and I know a lot of others that will be here too. But the hard part is in your hands.
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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 35,021, Reputation: 5104
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    #4

    Apr 1, 2012, 04:39 PM
    Okay, marthasings, we're here for you and want to hear your story. What kind of pill and why and how can we help?
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    marthasings's Avatar
    marthasings Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 1, 2012, 05:02 PM
    My closest friend is my therapist, I moved here 6 years ago, I had been in an unbelievably bad marriage back in Texas but had a strong connection and support system so I was able to manage with a little help from my friends and my spouse could care less as long as his needs were met. I had returned to college to finish my degree because I wanted to support myself when the inevitable divorce occurred.

    His job moved me to GA where I knew no one, he purchased a home in a neighborhood where we were the only caucasian family where in Texas "Dallas" it was not an issue, but in a very small community in South GA it was not the warmest reception but I extended and baked and nothing.

    My now ex insisted I could not finish my degree and I went to work doing customer service, (stress?) then I found out my baby 3rd grade was being molested and I turned the molester, and left my husband who I had been in counseling with every 2 years for 16 years and his temper and inability to create a relationship with me had come to a crashing halt, I had no support system I was there for my child and I moved out I found a church who I signed a lease with and paid my rent each month on time for first 3 months and then I received a phone call telling me I had to move, no one helped me from the church to relocate and with the filing of the divorce I had no more money.

    I came home the day before the move to find only spanish speaking people in my home ripping the walls out of my bathroom and my photo's and prints were still on the walls my child and some older friends from his school helped me throw things into uhaul it was a nightmare, so the even the church failed me. I find myself living in an apt I had 80 thousand dollars I had invested ina fund from inheretence that a "friend told me in 10 years you can have it" well not only was that not true, but I found myself having to file bankruptcy and it was not in a secured fund, he was also a financial advisor from my church in Texas so I'm so lost right now. I have missed 3 days of pristique but damn. Now I'm middle aged, struggling with my weight and taking meds that cause me to gain.Geeze louise.

    My mother died when I was 6 my dad disowned me due to his fear of being alone, his words not mine. So here I am and I'm tired and lonely and trust no one.
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    DrBill100's Avatar
    DrBill100 Posts: 3,241, Reputation: 500
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    #6

    Apr 1, 2012, 05:15 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by marthasings View Post
    help me I want to die, I have no one and I dont know what to do.
    Let me add my voice to the chorus of those offering assistance.

    Without delay however let me refer you to a live resource:

    1-800-273-8255

    At this number your will remain anonymous yet have access to expert guidance.



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    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 25,673, Reputation: 5612
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    #7

    Apr 1, 2012, 05:22 PM
    I know that right now the road you're on is tough. I would be feeling exactly the way you're feeling. But there is help. There are reasons for you to go on. I'm sure you've heard this already, because it's the number one thing people will say to you, but, I'll say it anyway because it's so true. You have a child. If you decide to end things, imagine the effect it will have on him. I know you want better for your child. Do you want him to feel the way you're feeling right now? I doubt that you do.

    You're in a tough spot right now. You're in a hole. There is help available. Call the number Dr. Bill posted. Keep posting to us, we'll do our very best to help. Take control of this. Be proactive. I know that it's hard when you're so down in the dumps that even getting out of the bed is a herculean feat, but baby steps. Set a goal, and do everything you can to reach that goal. Start small and work your way up. Even if it's simple as going for a walk, or writing in a journal, or taking your medication. Set a new goal for every day.

    Mostly, take your medication. It will help, until a time when you no longer need it.
    Helpful (2)
    DrBill100's Avatar
    DrBill100 Posts: 3,241, Reputation: 500
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    #8

    Apr 1, 2012, 05:41 PM
    Martha,

    The information provided by Alty is correct.

    But first let us get beyond this crisis point. You will benefit from a real live voice, someone that can spontaneously interact with you. Please call the number previously noted:

    1-800-273-8255


    We (this site) can certainly offer support via advice and experience but please get direct, interactive advice at

    1-800-273-8255


    Make that call, then get back.
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    marthasings's Avatar
    marthasings Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Apr 1, 2012, 06:07 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    How old are you, how much of your life have you lived? Tell us what is happening?
    I am just so lonely. I have now been divorced a while, I'm alone, I do everything alone.

    I hate it, and no one from home has contacted me I think my pastor and his wife from home are pretty overwhelmed by what they have heard and now I'm just labeled crazy. Its like GOD took mama away and her mother my grandmother who ' was nuts in her own right due to depression. Now I'm alone caring for this wonderful 15 year old. I know it sounds so selfish of me to desire friends and a life outside my responsibility of raising my son. I just feel like a mistake, the little girl no one talks to because she never combs her hair and her mother is dead, now it's the white girl with no money and friends stuck in small town in GA. I hate that I have to have drugs to tolerate life. I have taken antidepressants for 15 years first to tolerate a marriage to a man I did not love but stayed because I was told I better be happy someone would have me now to tolerate life. I'm sorry I want to fix this I just really don't know how. I don't want anymore pills.
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    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 25,673, Reputation: 5612
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    #10

    Apr 1, 2012, 06:22 PM
    Martha. I lost both of my parents 10 years ago, back to back. I'm an only child. I've been on antidepressants for 12 years now. I have two wonderful children that are my entire world. I won't bore you with the other details of my past, but suffice it to say, I know how hard life can be. I've had razor to wrist ready to end it all more times than I care to count. Not since my kids were born, but before that, there were many times when I wanted to just end it all. I've been where you are now. I've felt what you're feeling now. I also know that no words could get me out of my funk. I had to do it. I had to find that strength and take control of my own life, make it better. It's not an easy thing to do, but obviously you want help, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Coming here took strength. So you have that strength in you. You have the will to live, to get better.

    I can understand not wanting to take the pills. But the pills work, if you take them. Why are you so averse to the medication? Are you having bad side effects? If so, talk to your doctor, there are many different antidepressants out there, I'm sure you could find one that will work better for you. I'm on celexa, and unless I stop taking it, I don't even notice any effects. But, if I stop taking it, I realize how much I need to keep taking them.

    Do you have any hobbies, any interests? One of the best ways to meet people is to go out and interact with people. If you like crafts, why not join a crafting group? Scrapbooking? Many stores that sell scrapbooking supplies have scrap nights once a week, it's a great way to meet people with the same interests as you. Fact is, if you're holed up at home all the time, you're not going to meet people. You have to get out there.

    Take Dr. Bills advice. Call the number he posted, talk to a real person, let's get over this initial hurdle, let's get you safe, out of this mindset, into a safer zone. Right now you need to hear a human voice, which none of the people on this site can offer. The number Dr. Bill gave offers that. So call it. Talk to them, then come back and post to us. We won't leave. We won't give up. So you see, you're no longer alone. We may only be faceless people on the internet, but we are people, and I can tell you right now that the people on this site are the best people I've never met. I know their compassion, I know that they'll do whatever they can to help you, myself included. But right now you need to hear a voice, so call the number. Please.
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