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I admit I have a problem with lying. I feel the need to lie my way out of a situation becuase I can not handle the pressure. My dad says that I am a pathological liar, meaning I lie to make myself feel better about myself. Somewhat of this is true, I lie to make myself think I have done something good in order to boost myself of esteem. I have a girlfriend of 3 months, and I'm afraid if I do not take action this good bring the worse in our relationship. Could you please give me some advice on how to handle the situation? Thanks for taking the time to read this.
P.S. - I'm fairly new to this site so if you had any info for newbs, that would be great.
I have a son who for the past six years has continuously lied to the point where I believe it is pathological. Through his incestant lying, he has hurt all of those closest to them, and has lost every opportunity he ever had. He lost opportunities for free college, a good Military career, and excellent civilian jobs. His longtime girlfriend recently left him after she could no longer take it. He has been kicked out of several homes he has lived in and lost all credability with everyone he has come into contact with. His future does not look good. For those of you who believe this is acceptable behaviour, you are sorely mistaken. All you do is cause unnecessary pain to yourself and those who (Once upon a time) may have cared about you. Do yourself a favor and get help, especially if you believe you do not have a problem. My son has destroyed any hope my wife and I ever had of him becoming a good honest individual we could love, and support as he goes though life. Don't let this happen to you. I am a seriously sad father.
This really sounds sad, and I hope you will think about it and not expect too much of your child, maybe you expected more than he thought he could deliver and used lies to try to please you more. Your phrase "destroyed any hope my wife and I ever had of him becoming a good honest individual we could love" would hurt anyone trying to please parents - to the point when they give up. Please don't give up on him and tell him you do love him now and then, please!
I never got any positive feedback from my mother all my life, and that hurt more than the beatings my ex-husband used to inflict on me and it took a long process to accept the fact that I am worth something..
I was a liar myself, and now that i think about it - it's true that i lied because i wanted people to see me as someone i wanted to be, and not as who i truly was. I wanted to be cool to everybody, wanted to be accepted and all...
I am now over it, and i believe the biggest thing that helped me deal with it is that i somehow stopped worrying about what people, who do not matter anything to me, think about me. I stopped wanting people to think of me as the coolest guy around. I got a lot of hobbies, i started learning stuff that i wanted to learn, i got very happy with the stuff i learned and was able to do...and i guess i got my self-esteem pretty much boosted. Not that i got cocky, but i'm just sure that i have some qualities that are very good and that i don't have to get other people to confirm those qualities. I'm happy now, i have a lot of activities i like, and i don't have the need to be admired by people. I believe that stopped me from lying.
Oh, another thing. I ruined a relationship with my parents and with one of my ex girls (partly) because of lying. My parents still have a hard time believing me most of things i say to them, and it's been about 3-4 years that i stopped lying to them. It's important to understand that you can only lose something if you lie.
Whenever you find yourself lying to a good friend...stop, take a breath, try to tell them you just lied to them. Tell them it's your issue, if you want to. I guess it's important that you, at least once, cross the line and manage to tell someone that you just lied to them. It might work miracles for you.
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