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Home > Health & Wellness > Mental & Emotional Health   »   I have just discovered the man I live with is a sociopath

 
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Old Dec 18, 2006, 05:46 PM
mcat
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I have just discovered the man I live with is a sociopath

Hi, I am 37 years old and new to this site. I have been living with a man for seven years and I have just realised, that he is a sociopath. I would really like to leave him, he took me to australia to live, we are both from england. I come from a very loving family, but his behavour, I would describe as scarring my soul. He has no emotions, I can give you hundreds of horrid examples but I am worried nobody would believe me. To name a minute amount, once I was in the shower, I was about to slip and he let me slip, when I turned around and saw him looking at me, I asked him why he did not catch me, he replied because I wanted to see how you fell. Once we were in hawai, and there were huge surfer waves with big red flags saying, Danger, DO NOT SWIM between the flags. the waves were huge. He sat on the beach with me and said that he would like to go for a swim, I said no, I did not want to, he became very quiet and said, please, its because I love you I want to go in the water, I will hold your hand, its nothing dangerous. He managed to insult me a bit and I ended up walking into the water with him, petrified, he somehow moved away from me and a huge wave came on top of me, and I was petrified, I managed to surface and he was swimming away from me and I said, , can you help me, I dont have the strength to swim, help, he started to swim away further from me saying, , stop acting mental, just swim, but the waves were crashing on top of me, and he kept on calling me an animal and an ( excuse my language), eventually a lifeguard came in and pulled me out and the lifeguard really told me off and said Maam can you not see the signs you are NOT supposed to be swimming here. When I was pulled out he accused me of pulling a stunt to get saved by a lifeguard. To this day, he tells me I was mental. The other time was on a ski trip, I had never snowboarded before and had one lesson (i cannot even ski) in the morning. In the afternoon, I was still very unsteady on the snowboard, its very difficult, I met him and he took me on the ski lift to the very top slope, the slope reserved for professionals. just before embarking on the ski lift an instructor yelled out, Hey, you are not supposed to go there yet, come down, but my partner, I will call him Rod, Rod sat with me on the ski lift, pinched my side and said, are you going to listen to them, or to me, what the f&& is wrong with you, are you trying to please him or me. I reluctanly went all the way to the top, and he simply got off, and started to snowbard himself down to the very top of the slope and left me on my own, my board was going everywhere, I was literally all over the place, somebody tried to help me and I ended up have 35 stitches in my knee, the skin was hanging off and I am left with a really ugly scar on my leg. To this day he tells me that it was because I had a tantrum on the top of the slope. Regardless if I tell him that we were supposed to stay on the nursery slope he calls me mental for panicking.

Once, my brother came to my house, to tell me something about Dad, in confidence. He politely asked to speak to me on my own we were only two minutes. When my brother left, Rod asked me what it was all about, I said, Oh nothing babe, just family stuff and carried on with the kitchen, Rod grabbed me, punched me, pulled my hair. The next day he had put a needle in my lip liner, bleach in my face cream, and bleach in my shampoo...when I discovered it, he laughed and said yes I wanted to rip your lips off because how dare you keep a secret from me, I am fixing up your kitchen.

My younger brother who was a policeman, has recently died in a car accident in London. Rod has showed not one ounce of compassion towards me, when I returned from the funeral back to australia, he said to me, ing policemen, the only good policemen are dead ones (this was after he had just got booked for the upteenth time for speeding), this was less than 2 weeks after the funeral, I just shuddered and looked at him, I feel so brainwashed by this man. I feel so bad about myself for allowing myself to be treated this way. The first question he asked me when my darling brother died was how much money will you get now in inheritance, and he laughed.

There are so so so many more truthful examples I can give. This site is the first time I have ever told anybody. I used to have a fantastic job in england, my own car, I owned by own house, now I live all the way here, no car, no house, he has heaps and heaps of money because he made a lot of money during the Y2K period, I met him in england when we were both workig for a huge company.

Sometimes I feel I am losing my mind...he watches and critisises everything I do, the way I pick up my cat, the way I hold things, everything, then if I speak up he calls me a pyscho, mental .

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Old Dec 18, 2006, 08:22 PM   #2  
phillysteakandcheese
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You seem to understand that you must leave this situation immmediately.

Stop thinking about it... Do it. Your physical safety - an maybe your life - is at stake.
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Old Dec 19, 2006, 10:34 AM   #3  
NJCUTIE77
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You Need To Leave Before Something Happens To You Like He Kills You Because He Wants To Know What It"s Like To Kill Someone!

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Depressed in MO agrees: very good point
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Old Dec 20, 2006, 03:35 AM   #4  
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I couldn't help but notice how many times he called you mental. He's looking in a mirror. He's accusing you of being mental because he's mental himself. Dont let him trick you into believing what he accuses you of, as the accusor is often the perpertrator. I think you need to muster every ounce of courage you have and bolt. This is serious stuff here. I am also in Australia and there is a lot of good organisations who can help. Here is a link that might get you started. http://www.salvos.org.au/need-help/r...ns-refuges.php
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Old Dec 20, 2006, 04:43 AM   #5  
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Get away from this man immediately. He is dangerous and you have no time to waste feeling guilty or sorry for yourself. There'll be time for all that during the therapy you'll need to recover from this abuse, but now, just focus on getting AWAY. This is deadly serious. Please do it NOW.
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Old Dec 20, 2006, 01:34 PM   #6  
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Hi everybody, a huge thank you to all of you who replied to me regariding my sociapathic partner (well, soon to be ex partner). You are right, I am fed up of wallowing in self pity, and feeling sorry for myself, as I said, I come from a loving family, first I would like to seek therapy, then, literally get myself back on track and back to England.

A huge thank you guys, and a merry Christmas to you all.
MCat.
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Old Dec 20, 2006, 01:45 PM   #7  
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Mcat you really need the help and support of that loving family very much at this time, I hope that you get everything back on track in time and don't let yourself get abused by this man any longer ! He has no right to be putting a single hand on you and from your post he has been very evil. I will pray for you and your family....Hope everything turns out ok for you.
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Old Dec 20, 2006, 06:22 PM   #8  
sadiesmom
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I hope the first thing you do is get away from him. He wants you dead!
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Old Dec 20, 2006, 11:14 PM   #9  
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Please do not take this the wrong way, but quite honestly your crazy. I will explain why. The reason why your crazy, is anybody that stays with somebody so physically and emotionally abusive has got to be. I do not understand how this person got away with it so so long. For this situation if you are serious about change is to get out and leave and do not leave any information trail at all. No way for him to find you. I am happy that you know it is so important to receive counselling especially after all of the things you have experienced. I hope you have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New year. I know you will.

Joe

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roogirl disagrees: Crazy? A Very narrow minded and judgmental comment there.
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Old Dec 22, 2006, 03:57 PM   #10  
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Just from the advices from this site, I am sure you know by now that the smartest thing to do is to leave. But, also be sure that you tell EVERYONE close to you about your situation. Tell them when you plan to leave and where you are going. This man sounds VERY dangerous. At least by letting people know where you are and where you are going, they can watch out for you to make sure you got to where you were going and call the authorities if you do not get there. Do I make sense? Make sure you get your family involved, you can use their love and support. Again, it would be very smart for someone to always know where you are or where you should be.

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Jesushelper76 agrees: Yes, very much agreed. At the same time she does not want to leave her whereabouts with the wrong person. Do not want this Jackass to follow her.
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