i'm a 30yr old wife and mom to an adorable 2yr old boy.i feel like ive finally got myself and my family put together and established but it's my once very stable parents who are falling apart.im an only child and I had a picture perfect childhood.my mother was a stay at home mom and my father was a successful business owner.needless to say I was spoiled and never really saw how harsh the real world could be.growing up I saw glimpses of mental issues and deception from my mom,but I was too young to understand.when I went to college things got worse but I was away so it was out of sight out of mind.however,ever since I graduated, got married and had our child it has become horrible and it's destroying my entire family.my mom has had a prescription drug problem/depression for years that until recently she has hid pretty well. She is no longer able to hide.all the lies have finally been revealed. she has faked illnesses to get the drugs, lied and recently broke her back in a"drunken" stupor.she has costed my dad thousands of dollars,could care less about her grandchild, doesn't bathe and refuses to get out of bed. my dad, who is and always has been, is my hero and vows to stand by her.I think my dad needs to quit supporting her and it's up to her to pick up the pieces. we have tried caseworkers, contacted the police, admitted her to psych wards, etc. and nothing works. right now in my life I have so much anger built up towards her and I can honestly say I hate her. not only does she have drug/mental issues I have also found out all sort of lies and deception she has done thru the years and the thing is she doesn't care,she has always thought she was better than everyone.my questions to you is how do I let go. my dad and I are fighting a losing battle.my dad is to much of a good man to just walk away, but for my own family I have to. Can someone please offer me some advice.

N0help4u

Your mom has gotten away with it for years and now it has become a part of her learned behavior (habit). She likes the attention it gets her and it has probably gotten out of her control and taken over her mind to act the way she does.
I don't blame you for wanting to let go. You will just have to avoid her as much as possible.
keep any time with her limited and brief. Try talking to your dad more. Are there ways you can visit him without her. Like meet him on his lunch break and have lunch with him sometimes or something?

oneguyinohio

Sounds like your mother is dealing with a failure to thrive and achieve anything on her own. She is depressed and feeling that nobody cares. Have you looked into her upbringing before she got married as to how her parents treated her? It might give you some insights into why she is like she is.

You are right in your need to have a separate life. Don't be controlled by her behaviors. Be there for your father, but it is his decision how he relates to her.

With age, you reallize a lot of things about your parents that never occur to us when we are younger.

peggyhill

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I think your feelings right now are very normal considering how betrayed you must be feeling about her lies and all. Definitely try to spend lots of time with your dad (without mom for now), encourage and support each other as much as possible. Encourage him to keep trying to get your mom help. Sometimes we have to wait until the person is ready for help, and that is what can be so hard and devastating to watch.

If you need to separate yourself from the situation for your own sake, then don't feel badly. Your own mental and emotional health comes first, and you have to take care of it. Maybe talking to a counselor would help you right now, maybe you and your dad could even go together and talk about how this whole situation has been affecting you both. Also it might help to find a support group for the families of people who have addiction/depression problems.

I hope things get better for you soon and I hope your mom starts to get some help for herself. Let us know how things are going.