I have been going out with my girlfriend for almost two whole years, and we have ups and downs as anyone can imagine.

But one thing that I hate about her is that she razor blades herself.

When we got together, I really liked her and didnt know much about her, but as the days and weeks grew on I saw a secretive side to her, I thought she was seeing someone else too.

And I kept thinking that for a long while.

I would see her each lunchtime and one lunchtime, I left but I stayed near by, and I walked back to see her, as she didnt leave.

I saw her with something in her hand it was a knife, she hid it away.
I then knew that she was self harming.

I didn't like it and I told her that its bad and she should stop.

All through our relationship she has doing it. I got her to stop for about a month.

I have told her I cant take much more of this.

She thinks I dont care about her, I have told her to see a Doctor, and a shrink.

She does not admit that she has a problem, and when she does, like a about a month ago when she posted on this site she admitted she had a problem.

Then she said a few minutes later, "I dont have a problem, I dnt hurt myself"

We keep arguing about loads of things, and Im at the point where I cant take it anymore.

Lastnight she told me that she still wants to do it (cut herself) I said she shouldn't be thinking like that, and then when I got nothing positive from her, I got angry and I said:
"Go and slit your wrists, and die".

Someone please help.

P.S I have read alot online about self harmers but shes not willing to help herself.

sasorry19

hey
im sorry to her about her and i hope you guys are better. usually its common to not want to get help b/c shes scared. I think she's sad that she hurt and embarrsed to tell people because it shows she has problems ya know and that maybe theyll think shes crazy. All i can say is be the best supprt to her. how old r u neway? jw lol but i hope i was able to help

cataleptic

Hi Thanks for your post.
I'm 25 almost 26 this year shes going to be 20 this year.
No one will think shes crazy, she hasn't even tried getting help.

Anyway since I posted that today, I have had words with her. I have said what I need to say and I have walk out of her life.

If she truly cared about me and our relationship as she claims, she would have tried atleast something in the two years we've been together.

You may think I'm a b@stard for thinking like that, and that maybe true, but I just want her to stop.

Someone who posted to her post said:

kp2171

the go die comment was rude and self-serving. no spin can make that ok.

but as for leaving her, well... you cant save someone who doesnt want to be saved. i dont think people should turn their back on those they care about, but you also shouldnt bear any guilt from stepping back from a bad situation when youve pressed her to get help.

you cant make someone want to get help, and you shouldnt let her use this to control you.

cataleptic

I do feel bad, I love her so much i'm dying inside right now, i have tears in my eyes as im writing this.

I keep looking at my phone. Wishing she'd txt me call me anything!
She'll be finishing work soon. I hope I hear something.

This is my whats so silly, we keep going back around in circles.

I've tried to make it work, she has to an extent, but shouldn't a relationship be two way instead of one way?

MQ1

Hi

I don't know why you're surprised she is reticent to seek help- seeing as she got such a good response from you. Just because she cuts herself and couldn't stop when she tried doesn't mean she didn't love you. I know from experience it is really difficult to stop.

All I can say is I'm so glad my boyfriend is nothing like you.

Anyway it's society that says it wrong, sometimes it is right for some person. It might not be the best coping mechanism around but at least it is one.

Sorry to be so sharp ('tis my way)- I hope this helps though

airbats-goku

cataleptic don't be so hard on yourself. You can't save her unless she wants to be saved. This was obviously eating away at you and you were starting to sink down yourself. You did the right thing in my opinion by taking yourself out of the situation before it really hurt you. maybe seeing you walk will wake her up. However, don't take it too hard if it doesn't. She won't want to change until she hits rock-bottom. Hopefully, that's not too far down. Just remember that if she cuts too deep it is NOT YOUR FAULT!

valinors_sorrow

Until she is willing to seek help, nothing can be done. She isn't really relationship material since she in such troubled condition -- its all she can do to cope as it is now. This is why you experience it all going rather one way. I suggest you offer to find her help and go with her but let it be known that this must occur first before any further relationship can be considered. If she turns that down, know all too well that she is also turning down a two-way relationship too. She will seek those who will accept a lot less until that doesn't work or she runs out of people, then perhaps a bottom will happen. Cutting is very much like an addiction and with the proper help can be addressed along with all the underlying issues. But she has to want the help.

grammadidi

You are right to insist that she get help. Most people who self-harm are inflicting pain upon themselves in order to cope with/block out a different pain, or even anger. Self-harm is like a coping technique, and she needs to learn other ways to cope, or better yet - release, the pain. Many of these self-harmers have been sexually or physically abused, although not all. Some have had emotionally absent parents and/or come from broken homes. The cutting is more a release than a suicide attempt. Some cutters feel dead inside, so when they cut it's like affirmation that they ARE alive.

Your girlfriend, who you obviously love very much, needs help. She carries a lot of emotional pain and needs to be taught healthy ways to release and deal with her emotions. She is not crazy, she is in extreme pain. She may even suffer from an eating disorder, many cutters do. She needs support, though, and it is important for you to realize that when she is cutting, it is more an attempt to STAY ALIVE than to die. Her cutting is not an attention-seeking or manipulative act. It is all about survival.

People who self-harm need SUPPORT more than anything. She needs a means of building her self-esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapysometimes can help with these people... it helps them identify what happens just before they cut so they can identify triggers and avoid them. More severe cases need more intense treatment and therapy. It is usually very important that they have someone to advocate for them to ensure they receive the right help. This is where reading and learning as much as you can about self-harm is imperative.

I think, if you really love this girl and feel it's worth working on, that instead of backing off the relationship (which DOES work for other issues, but not for this kind of thing), that you should encourage her to talk about her feelings, being supportive and loving while she does. Model what you want by talking about your own feelings. Don't focus on the cutting, but on the feelings! Don't be critical, show her that you accept her and she is lovable. Remember, they are blocking a lot of emotions so it will take time... and probably good help.

I don't know where you live, but if you contact your local Mental Health Association they can guide you to pamphlets, books, therapists and other resources for both you and your girlfriend. I think that if you are strong enough to stand beside her and encourage her to get the help she requires that you can have an incredible relationship with this gal. Also, if you need it, get some supportive help for yourself so you can learn the best way to encourage her and still support yourself so you don't crash and burn. Make sure that any help that you get for her involves supportive, caring therapy that encourages her to express her feelings and get to the root of her self-harming behaviours.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

kp2171

destructive behavior is not coping. its transfering one issue into another. want to call it a "coping mechanism"? fine. you stated there was "no problem" with this behavior. that is the problem with your post.

people who act like that wonder why theyve gotten no better ten years down the line. its delayed, referred pain that really isnt resolved.

the more you talk, the less you know about reality. at least healthy reality.